27 December 2006

Merry Christmas

I should have posted something along these lines a couple of days ago, but I unexpectedly encountered a social life. So to all my regular readers, and (Slightly less so) to the few who stumbled accoss here accidently,


My christmas was the usual large amount of food, lots to drink, and a monopoly game where my family teamed up against me because I won all the games last time (Bastards)

What did everyone else get upto?

18 December 2006


I slept in today, fortunately Person A wasnt in (Off Ill) And Person B was, who wouldnt tell, the rest of my co workers were also on holiday.

So I though, thank god I might just have got out of this.

Unfortunately Person A emailed in sick to Person B, who then asked Person A in the reply E-Mail if I was on holiday all week.


Looks like I have some time to make up =(

13 December 2006

Surgery for fat kids

It has just been announced that young children will now be bale to receive Stomach stapling and other fat reduction surgeries on the NHS. This ever so slightly worries me, true some children are naturallly fatter than otehrs, but they can still shed a lot of that weight, and definately become a lot more healthy simply by exercising.

I propose a simpler campaign, one that wont cost the tax payer £10,000 (about $15,000) per fat kid.

I call it . . .

Bully the fat kids. The way i see it if we make being fat unbearable the kids will get off their arses and do some exercise, life is just simply too cushy for them a the moment. I know fat people who while still tubby look healthy, and actually gain respect from a lot of people (Me included).

With a self confessed obedity problem in the western world I find it no surprise that the numbers are increasing with many campaigns of 'confidence building' and 'its alright to be fat'. While these things will make the person feel better it will not solve the root cause of their initial distress.

Normally I would not advocate taunting a kid, but with the governments stance on all issues being to cover up what ever is wrong and not fix the actual problem itself I am more and more appaled at what my tax dollars are being spent on, pretty soon they will be giving away boob jobs as well.

Tenacious D

Tenacious D are very, very funny. I saw them live last night and I have to say, THEY ROCKED!

In other news, I now have 7 days to get a secret santa gift, I have 11 days to get christmas gifts, I have way too long until I get paid.

08 December 2006

Funniest quote of teh month

This is quite possibly the funniest thing ive read all month

"You might think that corrective lenses are unattractive, but what you don’t know is that there are quite a few people who have major fetishes for brainy people. It’s probably some sort of evolution thing. You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you’d be in a wheelchair too. "

Thank you Scott Adams!

Pissed at work

I woke up pissed

I came to Work

How the hell did i do so badly at bowling

I get the feeling my productivity may be below par today.

05 December 2006

Sexual Consent Form

For those of you in the uk, (Dont know about the US) there has been a lot in the press about the rape issue, many womens rights groups are saying that a man should get full consent, however it gets difficult when both people are drunk and get together, both want it then, but if the woman regrets it there is the occasional call of rape, when really the woman is jsut regretting doing it. Although for the real rapists, who hunt down women and force them to have sex against their will, I hope all you bastards die in hell.

O the subject however this video is damn entertaining!


03 December 2006

Soldiers on LSD

You all have to watch this, its so damn funny!

28 November 2006

Managerial look

Like any aspiring young man I am always looking for that little bit of an edge to get me promoted faster, so far my best option seems to be the management look. The management look is mostly accentuated by the management hairstyle, this is either a full head of silvery well styled hair or the shaved monk cut, where the wearee of the hair is bald on top and at the front, but has a shaved short band of hair going from ear to ear around the back of his head.

In all honesty I dont think I look old enough to pull off either look, so I may need some surgery to put some crows feet in and give my skin that 'worn' look.

24 November 2006

Snooker and Photoshop

Last night was a night of snooker and booze, and half an hour of photoshop.

Snooker went quite well, I was on the winning team in all three games (we had teams of 2 since 4 of us went) despite not having many breaks above 1. I also had my tea there, because our snooker club does the nicest chips (Fries for the americans, you wouldnt know a real chip if someone bludgeoned you to death with it) I have ever tasted in my life. I usually have a plate of chips but this time I had a burger as well, while it was nice I was also kinda disappointed by the none orgasmicness that I have come to expect from their chips (I love my food)

Also that night I removed a mourngy waitress from one of my mates holiday snaps, she was blocking the view of a very nice resteraunt, I was actually quite pleased with the result! Just need to mess around with the lighting a bit and it will be sorted.

21 November 2006

The Internet is for porn

This video is so damn funny, you need volume and I wouldnt recommend playing this ina crowded office!

The sun is shining

The weather is, fucking freezing!

Fortunately since an office move at work i live about 2 minutes away from my office, we also have a sandwich shop downstairs, which I am resisting, despite the sausage and hash brown lovelyness. Ok im going to stop now, drooling way too much!

This will be my first where I will not be commuting by train to work, this will give em the fantastic opportunity of taking a deckchair to york train station and laughing at all the freezing cold late for work people who are suffering how I used to, I think I deserved it.

17 November 2006

Your Blog needs YOU!

Yes thats right, I am appealing to my visitors to post comments, no matter how crap. my google page ranking has just slipped from a 3 down to a 2, this is breaking my heart, therefore I am begging all visitors to leave a comment, no matter how irrelevant to a post.

In other news it is dress down day at work again today, all money raised to goto children in need. I wouldnt mind but im going futher and futher into debt at the moment, there will be a bit of relief on this though as im off to Alliance and Leicester who give me a 0% overdraft for 12 months =D

i fanally switched to A&L after HSBCs branh First Direct introduced £120 a year annual fee on their normal current accounts. This is the final straw for me as the possibility of HSBC doing something similar on top of poor intrest rates and shady customer service is something I no longer want to deal with.

Now post comments, gogogo.

15 November 2006


It seems to be basic human nature to choose the worst possible path for yourself, we are naturally a race of sadists, a problem that even the most intellectual of us succumb to.

The brazen attrocities some people commit to hurt others and themselves startle even me sometimes, usually in the name of some false crusade, sometmies out of necessity or even out of a desire to protect ones self.

The amount of people the west has killed to protect itself is a staggering figure, Bush and the other leaders who are helping him keep his dollar afloat no matter what the cost have engaged in wars for no reason. True saving his country from a depression will save countless lives as well, but how do you judge the west more important than the east?

The survivalist instinct that has instigated so much strife against the middle east, from the Afghanistan invasion (that was planned in some released government documents well before the planes ever flew into the two towers) up untill the threats thrown against iran. All the lives lost in these conflicts because these countries defied the US, refused to be blackmailed, and sold their oil in euros. Hell this weakened the dollar, but in america there will always be food, even on a weak currency.

It makes me sick.

14 November 2006

Bloody Sony Erricson K750i Paintjob

I have a K750i, a pretty nice phone, or at least it was.

In a couple of weeks I get the feeling the paint on my phone will have gone completely and my phone will be a uniform cheap plastic off white because sony didnt deem me worth of using plastic the right colour. Its a shame beause I like most sony products, especially their laptops, rawr.

13 November 2006


I love muse, was never a fan till I heard them live, in a veritable thunderstorm. Hardore.


I got a cold alright...

btu why does the singer have to sound so much like a beegee wannabee sometimes.

10 November 2006

The Desktop Shop is Back!

After a long absense my tech reviews site is back online, though it used to be pretty popular I had a lot of trouble novating the site onto my new server, so kinda gave up on it about 9 months ago. But as of last weekend I have pulled it all back together, and though I have lost all the old forum posts and stuff im sure I can get it back on track in no time!

visit the Desktop Shop at


06 November 2006

Best chat up line in the universe?

On friday I went to partake in a few beverages with some friends of mine who are solicitors.

One of my mates who shall remain nameless for this post is a happily married man, child on the way but was however sypathetic with my currently single status so agreed to be my wingman.

So as per usual we went over to two cute looking blonde lasses, introduced ourselves and started conversing, they told us who they where (I cant remember that) what they did (I also cant remember that) and then asked us the same question,

"Well I work for ***, I just deal with finances and stuff like that"

Then my mate, in all his glory said,

"Im a gynocologist, I look at vaginas all day"

"Vaginas?" one of the blondes said, looking ever so slightly scared.

then, this bit quite surprised me,

"What kinds of vaginas have you seen?" the other blonde said,

"Big ones, small ones, furry ones, shaved ones, green dripping ones" He said, at this point I very nearly punched him.

"So I take it you know what your doing down there?" she said

"Not really, if it ever swells up give me a call"

and the conversation moved away from teh topic.

worst thing is it worked,

even worse thing is I buggered it up, said ild be back in a second, bumped into a mate from college on the way and ended up talking to him for twenty minutes, by the time I had got back they had left, damnit!

03 November 2006

The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine Strikes Again

"In a review of more than 250 studies of young people's sexual behaviour, researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine discovered striking similarities in what affects young sexual behaviour in different countries."

Recently I posted on the BBC using someone from department of hygene and tropical medicine commenting on the effects of proposed drinking laws in teh UK, and how massivly inccorect they were.

Now it seems that they are also qualified to give advice on condom use

I particularly like their commnt as follows

"Some sexually active under 25s associate condoms with a lack of trust, while others believe carrying them could imply sexual experience, which might be a plus for men but not necessarily for women."

OK, Women, how many of you out there prefer inexperienced men,I have never met a woman who preffered inexperience over experience, in either a sexual or social when the topic came up.

Why oh why dos a department whos concern is hand washing and tropical fevers feel teh need to make public statements about condom use and ways to avoid binge fdrinking when they always seem to be incorrect?

31 October 2006


I went for a pizza last night, boy was it difficult

"Can I have a large pepperoni please?" I enquired

"Met Festtt" said the new guy who was behind the counter"

"Nooo, pepperoni", Because I really dont like the meat feasts there!

"Met Fessttttt is Eighttyy pound" im guessing he meant eight here

"No I want Pepperoni, Seven Pounds 50 Pence"

"No Met Fesstt is eighhtta pound"

"I do not want 'met fest' I want Pepperoni" I said, gettign slightly annoyed

"Your Mettt Fessttt 5 minutes, eighttta pound please"

It was in fact quite nice.

Bloody Turks.

30 October 2006

Climate Change

We see climate change in our headlines quite a lot, always with dire warnings of impending doom, though I have yet to see any doom yet.

What I cant help but notice is that the climate warnings always seem to come out when there is no other news, I can imagine the BBC head office now.

John: Ok, whats the lead story going to be for today!

Fred: Well weve had no terrorist bombings, Forest fires, plane crashes, sex scandals or cute furry animals doing funny things.

John: Damn, lets just say were all going to die from global warming in the next ten years, no one can prove that either way.

Its nice to know that despite the warnings there has been no rise in global temperature yet that doesn't have natural causes (Ie there has been a slight rise, this is however caused by a wobble in the earths rotation, this is a well known and acknowledged fact in geological circles)

However it does make a good story due to any claims being unprovable on either side & causing huge numbers of the ignorant masses to start panicking and claiming doomsday etc.

27 October 2006

Alcohol Tax Rise


Yet again increased taxes are being suggested on alcohol to curb binge drinking, of course this will never really help unless it is a ludicrous tax, but seems more like a way to make a bit more cash for the government.

I like the fact that the BBC (A company that is controlled by the government) pulled out a very good quote confirming that this would be a good idea.

"Professor Martin McKee, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, told the Today programme that there was a clear problem with alcohol in the UK and welcomed the moves.

"One of the most important strategies is to limit the ease with which you can purchase alcohol and that has been done in a number of Scandinavian countries where there have been restrictions on the number of outlets and the number of hours that they are opened. "

"Another way is to increase the cost of alcohol by increasing taxes, so we can anticipate that this will have a beneficial effect on health."

Let me be the first to point out that is a professor of hygiene and tropical medicine really qualified to give a view on an economical solution to binge drinking?

Not only that but she clearly has her facts ever so slightly screwed, since in many of the Scandinavian countries these drinking laws were removed sharpish, take the following quote from a body who were charged with monitoring the effects of the laws.

"The problem: the threat of alcohol abuse The closer they are to the Arctic Circle, it seems, the greater the tendency for national governments to intervene to limit people's freedom to buy alcoholic drinks. But bans and rigid controls tend to encourage abuse and binge drinking. Applying for licenses is also a time-consuming, expensive, and anti-competitive process - often, indeed, a corrupt one too. "

Further on in this report it confirms that the most successful treatments for binge drinking have been 24 hour licensing laws to bars, clubs pubs eateries and transportation, as a good meal and the ability to get home greatly removes any rush for the last train.

This technique has been incredibly successful in the Netherlands and Scotland, creating a much more European culture.

Of course England too has relaxed its laws, pubs and clubs can open their doors for 24 hours too... but ONLY if they get the appropriate license, and what if about 4amish somebody feels peckish? especially on a Sunday it will be impossible to find somewhere to eat.

The problem here is simple, the licenses granted for 24 hour opening have not yet been granted to more than a couple of dozen pubs or clubs. This means that your average drinker is still nearly completely constrained by the last orders bell, not really in keep with the European culture we are trying to adopt.

The reason?

The licenses can only be given out by the local authorities, many of whom do not wish to do this because they only look at the short term picture, which will be more binge drinking, accidents etc

Even then though, less rival groups will be thrown into confrontation at 11, meaning less violence on the streets, it is more than likely that there will be more alcohol related accidents as people adjust to the new regimes.

Long term I would expect a much more relaxed drinking atmosphere, a greater abundance in eateries, and in term a much greater revenue for British business and more taxes income for our government.

Unfortunately this will not happen until all UK businesses including pubs bars and clubs are given a nearly unrestricted ability to open 24 hours if they wish.

Also on the subject of increased taxation reducing alcohol consumption, as the good professor of tropical diseases likes to claim, It is a well proven fact that increased restrictions and taxation increase the amount of liquor imported AND increase the number of illegal home stills, that can produce alcohol that is not only incredibly high in percentage but can also be harmful and indeed cause death.

Also any major increase in alcohol tax, in any country in the world has always caused in direct correlation a hike in crime, this comes two fold as the labour classes have a tendency to turn both to crime and hard drugs when alcohol is removed.

The final point the government makes is that it will tax alcopops more heavily as those are popular with younger people.

To this I say "Well done Retards"

Lets tax the the low alcohol content drinks, that way the kids will move onto the other cheap options, coz if they all get hammered on Vodka that will solve the problem =D

All in all I would say that any increase on alcohol tax is an incredibly bad idea, and not just because it costs me more for a pint.

26 October 2006

Michael J Fox

I read a story on the BBC today.


Michael J Fox has been suffering from parkinsons for a long time now, it stopped his acting career back in 2000 and is one of the major degenerative diseases in the world at this time.

Despite his sufferings this man has raised millions to help research into this disease, as well as being a strong political supporter of stem cell research that could help cure both parkinsons and a wide range of other diseases.

Unfortunately stem cell research has many political opponents, imparticular George Bush, who claimed the research crossed a moral boundary.

I believe he and his party influenced this even further by holding a vote on whether it should be allowed, he held it in Missouri, according to a bit of minor research this is one of the more heavily catholic populated states in the US by percentage.

I cant help but feel that Bush's 'moral objection' (I put this like this because this moral objection is coming from a guy who has invaded 2 countries and attempting a third just to keep his economy stable, killing thousands upon thousands in the process) is unfounded, and is a mirror image of when autopsies where deemed morally objectionable, and indeed still are by many religious bodies, despite the benefits they have brought to mankind.

I think its obvious that the people who are objecting to stem cell research have never seen anyone they loved deteriorate due to illnesses such as parkinsons or ME, if George, gert offf ma propertai, Bush began to suffer from the disease ild practically guarantee he would change his mind.

25 October 2006

Australian Psychopath

When I lived in Selby, a small market town near york & leeds etc I used to be mates with an aussie bloke, who did a lot of voluntary work, helped people who need help, and seemed to be a model citizen...

Till he had a drink.

I personally am a pacifist aore than anything, I try to avoid fighting if I can help it.

The Aussie, after 3 or 4 pints would start getting aggrivated by the slightest thing, after 8-9 pints he would start on anyone who so much as looked at him. The Aussie guy is now locked up, was bound to happen eventually, he isnt too fussed about the whole prison thing, prison is not as bad as it used to be, sports, tv, pool tables, free bed and food its no wonder it costs 25-50 thousand pounds per person we put in jail for a year.

The thing that kind of annoys me is that the police and jury were well aware of how he was a model public citizen without alcohol, so why not put him back on the streets but with a ban on drinking?

I think the people who get put into prison should have all liberties removed, the worst thing about prison is no longer prison itself but the other prisoners, people are more worried about getting arse raped than jail itself, which, while justifiable, is a bit fucked up.

Jail should become a lot stricter in my view, less of the pussy ass peoples rights groups lets punish the people who make everyone elses lifes more miserable.

If prisons were made with a stone bed and no tv, pool etc jail would soon become a much greater detterent. Restrict exercise time and keep the prisoners in their cells at all times (none of this communal bullcrap and I think we would be back on track in no time.

It kind of annoys me that prison, a place where all your liberties are meant to be removed has been so heavily swayed by the groups who think that prisoners should be given a comfortable life.

Prison riots have occured and the reasons given have been as simple as "they didnt have sky tv", instead of these people being kept in their cells and deprived of everything they where given leather sofas and a massive tv with sky.

Yeah that'll turn them into law abiding citizens....

24 October 2006

Wallace and Gromit


Wallace and Gromit are two classic characters that have emerged in the UK, and dont get me wrong, I enjoyed their work along with the rest of the country.


They are getting nominated for another award?

How long ago was this film made?

The wallace and gromit film was good but not amazing in my view, I thought Chicken run was a much better film!

Is there anyone who thinks this DOES deserve all the praise it is getting?

23 October 2006

Damn Cold

Im still feeling ill, and in some misguided attempt to appear enthused about my job I decided to return to work today. Big mistake, feel so crap!

And it gets worse, on thursday there was one of our numerous office moves, never a good time to be absent, hence why I am now on the end of a bank of desks with my computer screen visible to nearly the whole floor. On top of that my chair and bin went missing, along with my draws, all fortunately have been found =D

(Thanks to all the people involved in relocating my office equipment)

*Update* My fan has still not turned up, I would be annoyed about this, however it wasn't actually my fan in the first place so I may make an allowance on this =p

16 October 2006


I have a cold, hope it doesnt turn into man flu >.<

Feel free to send me get well cards, gifts, cheques etc!

I will hopefully be a bit more creative in a few days, fortunately my job doesnt require more than 3 braincells to be working at once so I can still manage that =D

13 October 2006


I have had a lot on at work recently so my posting has been quite lax, this will hopefully end by next week so i should be back on track!

So until then..

Moo - If Robbie offered me a million pounds to let him hump my leg ild turn him down.
Jezebel - I want your babies.
Tracey - If you read this, email me a link to your new picsies - oli4uk@gmail.com
Angry - Do not stalk me on the above email address, however I too am waiting for that Hilton video.

10 October 2006

Dear God...

Not much worries me, but This is going to stop me sleeping at night.

Paris and Nicole Hilton will be taking on the role of childrens councellors.

Im not a big fan of councellors at any rate, most of them are do-goodesr which any child instantly hates & distrusts, then they use absurd techniques to get them to 'reform'.

But dispite that, I would preffer any child of mine to be councelled by the pansies than by two dopey spoilt blondes with less common sense than than an eskimo building an igloo in the sahara.

Dont get me wrong, im sure the Hilton sisters are very nice people, and i would admittedly give them both one, seperately or at the same time, either is good. But putting them in charge of children?

I dont think so.

06 October 2006

Racial Profiling

Racial profiling is something that most people do automatically, not in a racist way just down to experience and the chance that someone will be like or do something inparticular. Two good profiles to compare Are the Scots and the Africaans.

Both have near certainties, Africaans dark skinned, Scots pale skinned, their accents will be guesseble etc. But where it gets interesting is what they actually do, same might say its racist to imagine every africaan to do a rain dance naked around a fire, this is true to an extent but it is also racist to think of scots as wearing kilts all the time and playing bagpipes.

Both are true to an extent, many from both countries practice to their respective stereotypes.

Now imagine a different scenario.

You are walking down a street one night and the path splits into two, around a fountain, on one side of the fountain is a group of white youths, hooded up all their bling on. On the other side their is a group of black youths, again, hooded up with lots of jewellery.

Which side of the fountain do you take?

Remember it is just as likely they will ignore you, rob you, rape you or belong to a christian organisation.

05 October 2006

Guess what, it really does happen!

This is an extract from our call logging system, I have removed the names just to protect identities etc, Enjoy!

Call Reference

Call Description : PC is dead. No lights, nothing. Will not power up.

Call Status : Closed

Helpdesk Operator : xxxxx001

Logged for User : xxxxxx

Log Date/Time : 2006-02-21 07:56:38

Priority : 5: User(s) - Non-Serious Fault ()

Solution : Plugged PC in. Works better that way.

Engineer details : xxxxx

Call allocated to : xxxxx

Allocated on/at : xxxxx

Engineer acknowledged call

Engineer resolved call

Resolved By
Call Journal
Entry By: on ref: 0

03 October 2006

US - Denying us business?


Despite our apparent friendly relationship with the US they passed a bill yesterday which prevented any of our companies from providing online gambling services to them. This would not be so bad if it was a 'across the board' crack down on internet gambling. However they will still allow gambling sites within the US to operate.

My view is that this is a crass attempt to keep a multi billion pound market solely in the US by denying any competition from abroad, this breaks a huge amount of agreements within the un as it is basically emposing an economic sanction againts our country and others.

By drawing up an economic sanction that has hit our businesses and our market hard the US has practically aligned us with Cuba in business terms. The British markets tumbled today as UK based gamling companies lost anyting from 28% to 78% of their value overnight.

What annoys me even more is that 'lapdog blair' hasnt even kicked up a fuss about this, he has blatently ignored the problems caused by this bill and the fact that this is one of the few sectors we have that is bringing money into the Uk.

02 October 2006

Where do the weekends go?

Man this weekend seems to have shot by, it doesnt seem like I've had any time at all.

When computers first came onto the scene it was predicted that people would only have to work 3 day weeks, tis was their goal, its WHY people slaved away in basements to create better systems.

Of course this never happened, the companies used the computers to get more work done for the same cost, but the people had to work harder, dealing with more information and having to work with multiple systems all of them different. The result?


Ive seen it happen to a few people, and I sometimes feel like im going the same way.

Sometimes people just get up, walk out the door, others go mental, sometimes smashing there computers or punching the walls a few times before leaving. Personally I dont want this to happen to me, I would preffer to leave on good terms, hence why I need to find a new job sharpish.

This would probably come as a surprise to some of the people I work with, I keep a very cool calm exterior most of the time, but some of the people I have been dealing with recently deserve a right good clog around the noggin.

29 September 2006


Thank fuck for that.

40 minutes to go

So close but yet so far

39 minutes to go

Really want to go out tonight

Fucking boring mates

Fucking skint bank account


I might try and get some money together to go skiing abroad next year, I miss the alps, want to goto a different mountain range this time though, can anyone offer some advice on the best place to ski?

28 September 2006

Not much

Not much has happened over the last week so I am going to take this gap to plug my new site, im looking for any feedback, positive, negative or even abusive. The target audience isnt for you internet savvy bloggers, more for the old dears who have no idea how to use the internet, like my parents for example.

Anyway, have a gander on http://www.thebargainbin.co.uk

27 September 2006

For the Ladies...

26 September 2006

Micheal Jackson Making a Theme Park in Ireland?

Apparently Micheal Jackson is going to make a theme park in ireland, based around lephrechauns. Personally I think the charges against him for peadophillia were false, the families that have tried to prosocute him all have a history of trying to extort, blackmail and take advantage of celebrities. Infact most of the other families defended MJ. I do think he was confused, he grew up sharing a bed with all his brothers and sisters, and had very little fun since his dad pushed him during all his free time to dance and sing.

How many of us after sleeping with someone in your arms (not a child) for months, suddenly found yourself sleeping without them for a day, know that feeling of lonlyness? MJ spent hsi childhood sleeping in the same bed as his brothers and sisters, playing with them in that locale (in a none dirty way)

Maybe he does just miss that aspect of his childhood, maybe he is in fact lonely?

Despite the fact I think he is innocent I think creating a theme park is the most ill advised thing he could do, especially since most of the staff it will seem will be leprechauns (small child like?)

Not to mention his financial woes, the adverse publicity against this will most likely make this dream of MJ's a failure, how many parents would take their children to a theme park originating from an accused child molestor?

MJ may have good intentions but the poor bloke never grew up.

25 September 2006

Dirty Sanchez

This film was a bunch of welshman engaging in cannabilsm, self inflected pain, lady boys and hard ass sumo wrestlers, the degenerative tone of this film was disgraceful and the content was childish slap stick humour of the most disgusting kind.

Must see film, 5 stars, could have done without the chicks with dicks.

21 September 2006

Sex, Drugs and ReligionBashing Debate

over the months I have been posting on this blog I have noticed many different aspects of what kind of topics people comment on, and some that im surprised they ignore.

Sex blogs seem to do the best, pulling in more commentors than any other kind of blog, every one of them perving over the blog but pretending not infact to be a pervert. I would go for the sex blog aspectbut at the moment the minimum time between posts would at least be a format, the only work around for this would to be a sex change operation and a blonde wig, only then could I hope to compete with the popularity of NFGirl and Ellie etc

Drugs also seems to eb a hot topic, on the rare occasion I have posted about the subect I get at least one self rightious prick telling me how bad drugs are and one person telling me how he takes cocain, heroin, a tonne of weed a night and paracetamol.

Racial Bashing is also a hot topic, everyone seems to get stirred up whenever someone posts a blog bashing religion, they get loads of posts, compared to when somebody posts objectively about religion and how people view other religions, which no-one seems to be interested in.

So here is todays post,

PORN! 2 hot lesbians Rawr, naked chicks SEX! Lets all get high on crack and perfume woohoo, I hate fucking scientology, the aliens didnt come down and fuck a money to spawn the human race, retards.

19 September 2006

Religious Tolerance or Religious Indifference

A few posts back I said i would do a post on this, its not going to be very long as it isnt a huge topic, but I would like to hear your views about the subject.

The government is constantly pushing religious tolerence, however i disagree with this as saying you have to tolerate something automatically segregates you from it.

What i think should be pushed, in a more subtle way, is religious indifference, a persons religion should make no difference to how that person is viewed. The majority of people already show a high degree of religious indifference, but how can you tell how indifferent someone really is?

Take the school teacher who became a suicide bomber, he was a teacher so must ahve had a high level of religious tolerence, if not indifference. All the people who knew him said he was well balanced and a respected member of society, then he goes and blows a load of people up (On a bus or a plane or something) This makes me suspect that he was only being tolerant, and that working in a class room sends all teachers a bit whacko eventually, i know i feel kinda sorry for all the teachers at my school had to deal with some right little shits (me included).

Of course it is hard to catagorise this as a religious issue, true it is their religious beliefs making them attack us, however they dont seem to be against the religion, more the west. You never hear them saying christianity is their biggest threat dispite the number of religious attrocities they have commited against them, they all ways claim the US is their enemy and that britain is its lap dog (That latter part a least is correct)

Of course what the terrorists dont seem to realise is that they dont really terrorise us (as pointed out by mr angry ) They tend to just disrupt us, make our flights more inconvenient cause trafic jams etc.

But back to the point,

Would you class any current violence as not enough erligious tolerance, since some people obviously arn't tolerant enough, or religious indifference since some peolpe actually resent other religions.

18 September 2006


Todays post is about the greatest annoyance currently in my life - WMD's

Not the GWB Iran & Iraq type WMD's, im talking about Washing Machine Disasters.

Last night I realised I was lacking a suitably clean pair of trousers for work today, I pick out a washing machine friendly one and get it into teh wash.

I wake up this morning and put my nice clean fresh trousers on, only to find they show offmy shins. This amounted to me shouting bollocks and being 5 minutes late from work, however it got me thinking.

Millions of people around the world suffer from WMDs, the Disruptionists (terrorists for the uninitiated) give me nowhere near as much grief as washing clothes. Therefore I put to it that the billions we are currently spending in the middle east wars should be diverted into making clothes that can easily be washed dried and even put on without needing ironing.


15 September 2006

Religious Hypocracy

This has been a well discussed topic, but I think it is well worth the discussion as it is topic that interests me. Religion is always a touchy ground with many people, I personally am not religious, but am a firm believer that people should be allowed to believe what they want.

Where this causes problems is when the religions conflict, some areas more dramatically than others, however when places of work start banning christmas decorations, and antire school systems start insisting people use the term 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Happy Christmas' I think things are going too far.

While I am not christian I think the current way they are being forced to bend over for the fear of offending other religions is disgraceful. While I dont expect other religions to fully embrace christmas I wouldnt expect them to complain, if you dont like it leave a country that is multi religion.

My personal view is that peple should be allowed to celebrate their religions own holidays how they see fit, and be considerate to other religions but certainly not supress them. If a muslim, jew etc started showing support of their religion I wouldnt bat an eyelid, if they complained that showing support to a different religion was offending them however I would be drawn into an argument.

Britain is a multi cultural society, I think this is a fantastic thing, it gives us an amazing range of foods, experiences and understandings. Before people come to a multi cultural britain though they first must accept that it is multicultural, and that people must be considerate to the other peoples views, and that they will be exposed almost daily to peolpe with differnt religions and views on life.

Hence why if i was a chrstian I would have sued the bollox off of any company that restricted my religion, if christians have to call happy christmas happy holidays whydoesnt the government insist that all religious occasions be given an ambiguous name, happy egg giving day, dance like a pillock around a pole day etc should all be candidates.

I know this post sounds very Pro-christianity, but from my viewpoint i think teh world has now grown out of religion, it should be left behind. I dont think christianity is special in that respect, but I do think that they are being very unfairly treated jsut because minority religions in the UK believe different things. Ii does not seem right that organisations will offend christians because they are afraid of offending the others.

14 September 2006

Ring Tones

I am becoming more and more annoyed with ringtones, I have in my travels heard everything from a tony blair speach to the sounds of someone having sex to some guy repeating swear words in a monotone voice (which the group of 14 year olds fonud highly amusing)

Personally my phones always on vibrate, and i dont mind normal ring tones, but some of them really get on my tits.

Of course ring tones do have their upside, the people who sell them get away with charging obscene amounts of money for 15 second audio clips, which you can normally get off the ol' t'internet for free anyway.

In other news the numa numa guy made a new video, seeing a fat guy in glasses dance to numa in his bedroom was funny, seeing him attempt a proffesional video just destroyed my faith in humanity (http://www.newnuma.com I think)

I have become addicted to machine soup, i dont know why, but the chemically taste just has me hooked, i am however slightly worried that the soup has a cappachino froth on it, hence its new nick name in our office "Soupachino"

Treat your mother right

A little something to get you through thursday

11 September 2006

To Tracy

You were at leeds fest and you didnt ring me =O

Please note the following though,

A) Congratulations you got a personal post on my blog, a rare achievement!
B) Hope you get better soon, I still have a pretty bad cough!
C) Give me the name of a good opticians
D) How come its taken you so long to look at my blog again, ild kick your ass if I wasnt afraid of your humongous snake coming after me anaconda style.
E) Send me those piccies! Do you have my gmail address? (I havn't been online much so seem to have lost touch with loadsa people from the whole school/college era)
F) You still havn't come visited my new place, we shall have to go on a york drinking session!


Well, hate to say this, but the incredibly sexy Oli you know and love will very soon be slightly less sexy, but able to see your face.

After several years of intense VDU use it appears I have become short sighted, and hence need glasses, some people look good in glasses... I do not.

How did I find this out?

I was out drinking on my birthday and tried my mates glasses on, everything went into focus, this kinda made me think *Uhoh*

I am having a bit of a wrangle concerning my employers (Who say the company they contract me out to should pay) and my contractees who are being pretty good about things, and are willing to take it as a favour, however I would be losing out on a difference of £60 if i took the easy option.

Being from Yorkshire im tight enough with 60p, nevermind 60 quid so I intend to persue this with employer in the hope of resolving this without bothering my union.

Does anyone have any advice on good/bad opticians to use?

08 September 2006

Coercion or Concerned

After coming across http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5323894.stm on the bbc site today I was fairly confused by this sentance.

"For example, if a woman has a partner or relative with a genetic illness that they feel research would eventually help to cure, she might feel under pressure to donate her eggs to aid research."

Now correct me if im wrong, but the headline for this paragraph is Coercion is it just me or does this seem slightly propoganda-ish. They seem to be saying that a woman whos husband has cancer or similar is being coerced into donating eggs to a cause which may save her husbands life? I would not call that coercion, I would call that concern.

There are many groups that oppose stem cell research and donation of eggs for this, there is a group called "hands off our ovaries", what a load of bullshit. It should be the womans choice if she wants to give up her eggs to help others, and if it increased the chance of saving a family member I would not blame her in the slightest.

Then there was this paragraph, relating to an extremely rare disease,
"Josephine Quintavalle, co-founder of the Hands Off Our Ovaries group, said: "Eggs for research is an absolute no-no. The risks are too significant. The cost of even one woman's life is not worth it." "

Now correct me if im wrong, but is this woman trying to say that no woman should be allowed to undergo the treatment for donating eggs, even if it could save their childs life in the future?

What kind of person would try and prevent a person making their own personal sacrifice, of their decision to save the lives of millions of others in the future, I dont think someone should be told they HAVE to donate their eggs, neither am I saying the donations WILL save millions, but every donation would bring the scientists that one step closer, but someone saying that they should not even have the choice is a fucking disgrace from where im standing.

The woman says that its not worth even one life, how many womens lives are claimed by cancer? already the most reliable treatment for breast cancer has arisen from research based on stem cells, would this woman gladly sacrifice all those people?

What a Bitch.

05 September 2006

Back to the Real World

Well, second day back at work and im already knakered, glad of the week and a bit off I had though.

Along with arriving back at work comes the knowledge that

- I need to tidy some of the house, including my bedroom (Shithole)
- I need to wash pretty much all of my clothes, and spend a couple of days ironing.
- I need more sleep
- I should have eaten my birthday cake before it went off.

Yes, thats right, my birthday was over the weekend, I am now a fully fledged 22 year old so feel free to send me gifts!

Other news?

I had a cracking time at leeds fest, my new tent stood upto the challenges of festival life (such as salad cream fights, drunken falling over, flying lit disposable bbq's and such.) which was a bonus as my last one ended up destroyed in a heap with moz (a boy scout leader) jumping in to save the tent poles.

I went to see Snakes on a Plane on sunday, it was alright, run of the mill action film with snakes eating everything from flying dogs to genitalia. There seemed to be quite a few decent trailers before hand, so hopefully there will be a few more good films coming our way soon.

Anyway, back to work!

02 September 2006

For the fan(s?)

Ok, I have woke up slightly drunk still, as it was my 22nd yesterday. I will be going out tonight with all my mates from selby too, cant wait =D.

Leeds festival was damn good, though I picked up a rather annoying cold after watching the (surprisingly brilliant) Muse in a thunderstorm. I say surprisingly because I have never been a massive fan of Muse.

After the poor response to the joke post I have decided that the reason for this was because of the knock knock joke. They just arnt funny, I spent ages thinking of one and the one i finally came up with (googled) sucked as well. So yeah kudos to Mookie who apparently is the only funny person who stumbled across my blog.

Anyway my bed is calling me so I shall post again on monday.

22 August 2006

Last Minute Hell

Fucking last minute grrrr

Thanks to them im off to leeds festival on friday, not tomorrow, crap customer service, tickets only arrived today, day before i wanted to go so no time to get this fixed, at least tehir name is accurate, fucking slow cunts.

Never ever buy anything from lastminute.com

Im normally a laid back person, but right now I want to punch someone, next time im going to the touts, least they give you what they need and give better customer service.

Too angry to type, will fill in the details later.

21 August 2006

Off to Exotic Leeds

Leeds fest =D

No tickets yet =(

Best be here for tomorrow!

Pirates of the Carribbean 2 = good film

Free Bars = bad but in a good way

Despite my previous conceptions a guy who brings a lightsaber to a work bash can infact be funny.

Kiera Knightly would get it, oohhhh yes.

My tickets still havnt come..

I really should start packing

It always rains as soon as the BBQ is lit

Wheres my fucking tickets.

Anyway, yeah that was my weekend.

18 August 2006

Keeping the blog alive

Ok, i dont want to lose my limited readerbase so im gonna attempt to do a participation thread.

I want everyone to give their best jokes for

English man, Scotsman and an Irish man,

Knock knock, whos there?

& One freestyle

Go for it.

10 August 2006

Writers block

I think I may have writers block, its not that nothings happening My life is currently so busy I had to tell a beautiful blonde girl that I couldnt come over when she had the house to herself for two weeks because im damn busy at work and its two of my best mates birthdays over the weekend.

Im an idiot arn't I...

Anyhow my posting may be a little less infrequent over the next week or two - not a full head on quiting posting for a while like the sexyfull NFGirl, but I am literally too tired busy or drunk to make a huge amount of posts, this seems to be a re-occuring theme as the ever cute Katy also seems to be taking a break.

Anyhow just so you know where I am at the moment the following words should give you some idea


Think about sums it up

Was thinking last night about a girl from sheffield I completely fell for, now engaged shes off the market and I would never even attempt to dredge up old feelings, like her that much i want her to be happy, damn my soppy side. I keep thinking about last time I saw her and how perfect she looked. Weird how you know nothing can happen but you feel glad for the little you did have.

In other news I would like to wish Andy and Luke a very happy birthday - two of the bdays over the next couple of weeks, I would also like to call them bastards for skinting me out just before leeds fest.

I aws thinking of setting up an amazon wish list, in the safe and happy knowledge that no one would ever actually buy anything off it, but I would nevertheless like, such as the full friends and james James Bond dvd box sets, a BMW, new laptop and computer, a few gold bars and an alexpenses paid holiday to hawaii.

Also a paypal button for you all to give me any money you can spare, which will make me a millionaire of course!

07 August 2006


Weekends are just not long enough, seriously, dont have enough time to get everything done, and by the time it gets to monday im more knakered than I was on the Friday before.

Fortunately I have a holiday coming up - Thank God

For the leedsfest weekend I have a good week and a half off, 5 days of which I will be sat in a field trying to avoid the toilets while listening to good music, moshing, jumping, drinking and for an hour or two, sleeping.

Will any of my readers be visiting the Leeds (Or reading for you southerners) Festival this year?

03 August 2006

'Equal Rights'

I dont often partake in hugely controvertial topics, however there are some things that just get me down right pissed off.

Firstly Disabled people in working environments, sure, but when they cant actually do the job due to being mentally or physically disabled? what the fuck.

The first instance I am going to comment on is regarding a factory in the midlands which turned down a man who had a disability with walking and stability, after taking the company to court he won a huge compensation and the factory was ordered to employ him. About a month later they guy died after falling into a piece of machinery, the disabled mans family is now trying to take teh company to court for allowing him to work in an unsafe environment..

The second story I read was a london company that employed a vegtable in a body near enough, he could only speak a few words of english had very little awareness of things happening around him and yet was employed by this company to 'up its quota' of disabled people, the government is worried about the state of our economy? then why force our companies to employ people who have no role???

In the same vein, women who lobbied to get into working mens clubs. for years the only retreat where men could remove themselves from the female personality, a place I would ahve loved to have been, alas I was too late.

02 August 2006

Fucking Spam Comments

Im ever so slightly pissed off at the number of spam comments ive been getting over teh last couple of weeks. I could put word verification on, but thats just plain annoying to my (very few) Real commentors. So when I get a dozen people saying there are some links of interest, they have found cheap viagra, i liked your post check out this and similar it makes me quite simply want to sue some arse.

Unfortunately this is not that easy, in most cases they are not doing anything technically illegal, I could get them under the numerous new spam laws that are currently working their way through the legal system, however for a small site such as mine, and the fact that the few legal highers would probably view spam as email only, if they are entirely sure what its about, mean that I would most likely be on a hiding to nothing.

On a happier note I won a second prize off a competitions site today, I was pretty chuffed about that, first one was for £375, tis one was only for £50, stil not too bad though!

31 July 2006

Weekend Randomness

Well my weekend of all work and no play turned into a day of work (while slightly drunk) and two nights of getting absolutely sloshed, how sloshed? Flares, Reflex, Ziggies and the gallery all in one night, after shots pints and bottles in Yates's, Evil Eyeand a few other random boozers.

All in all a good night, friday was just getting mashed in a couple of pubs.

But for now I need to answer the following question, knowing the terrible state of my bank account, the fact im working over the weekend, and that I was feeling quite ill, WHY CANT I ONLY STAY OUT FOR A COUPLE!

28 July 2006

Subway Staff The Slow, The Speedy and the Sexy

I have been eating subway quite a lot recently, the fact that subway is infact proably the healthiest regular meal I have should tell you a lot about my life. Subway has always been one of my favorite fast foods, Meatball Marinara for cold weather, Italian BMT For summer, and loadsa variations to keep things interesting. I always worry about the staff though, some seem to have no idea of how to make a sandwich, and when I did that I soon formed three catagories in which to fit Subway workers.

The Slow:

These ones tend to have to ask you everything twice, always cock up your sandwich and occasionally seem to wipe their nose absentmindedly jsut efore picking out the lettuce for you.

The Speedy:

What you always hope for, fast efficient and make a beautiful sub

The Sexy:

So damn fine you spend more time glancing at her top half than what she is making, its only till later you can figure out if she should have been in group one or two.

Have I missed anything?

27 July 2006

Quick question

On the subject of my last post I thought I would test my readers knowledge, the first person with the correct answer wins a virtual pat on the back

There was a bear photographer who left his tent and walked a mile south. He then turned and walked a mile east and turned again and walked a mile north and found himself back at his tent. He saw a bear. What colour was the bear?


I had a look on the mens website today, hoping that maybe I could find a quick resume filler and finally making use of that high IQ of mine, which does believe it or not, exist.

So I read the first paragraph of boomph abou the entry requirements

"1 in 50 people have an IQ in the top 2% that makes them eligible to join Mensa. "

I promptly left, any club of super smart people who need the fact that 1 in 50 = 2% pointing out really isnt something that I want to be a part of, begone retarded mensa.

26 July 2006

How to spend too muc money on a weekend

15+ shots of sambucca
30 + Pints
20 + Bottles
4 Random coctails
4 shots of something that the guy behind the bar has just used to blow fire out of his mouth
1 pack of paracetamol.

25 July 2006


Personally I like to improve myself, learning new things so i can make more money, with the ultimate goal of retiring at the age of 35.

Training is an obvious step for this, weer not talking a levels, degrees, crap like that. I want to go for some propper training in a project and IT management sector.

This is where it gets tricky.

Even the lowest of the respected qualifications require about 4 grand for a three day course, and unfortunately work will not be likely to shell out for this kind of training, the kind that puts me into competition is very unlikely to get approved by them, but without taking a loan out there is very little way I will be able to afford this in the near future.

Donations welcome =p

17 July 2006

Kickbacks & 100th Post!

First things first, this is my 100th post, never before would I have imagined I could write so much useless shite. unlike some other bloggers however I will not post my landmark post just about the fact it is my 100th post, I will write a bit about my office life.

One of the perks of my job is that I do get occasional perks when dealing with my suppliers.
Last week I got a box of quality street, a big one at that, next week im expecting chocolates and champagne. Personally I don't see anything wrong with this, it doesn't change my opinion or decision making, but it is nice to know that suppliers are willing to go that extra length to get on your good side.

However there is a downside, in office life there is always that level of competitiveness and sniping that comes with the office culture being dominated by psychopaths. I personally tend to avoid this, I fly on the straight and narrow, im honest with people, and it doesn't always work in my favour.
Unfortunately it doesn't stop people picking up on the gifts I receive, and spreading the word that I receive kickbacks. I think this is not only the wrong term, but a much dirtier term for the gifts I receive. I would class a kickback as a large gift that I received for choosing a supplier, them wining a bid, getting money, and giving me a cut of that. I don't see how a box of roses or similar will make me change a decision that would cost the company money, especially when I try to keep up an effective reputation to increase my pay packet.

What would your opinion be from the outside looking in?

14 July 2006

Homeopathic Danger

I personally am pretty open minded, and think that if homeopathic medicine works at least as a placebo it can only be a good thing, however, in some cases I think its best to stick with what has been medically proven.

So when I read This I was quite worried that homeopathic practitioners where suggesting that people dont take anti malaria tablets, they have nsty side effects, instead try a homeopathic remedy!

Of course the great thing is if homeopathic remedies for serious illness dont work, what makes them work for minor ailments?

Personally I think these homeopathic 'practitioners' are obviously making a quick buck out of some of these people, and in cases such as this I would expect the people who suffered, as giving false medical advice knowingly is infact a crime.

The BBC investigated this and put the following quote on their site,

"The doctors have this big fear thing about malaria... obviously it is a nasty thing, but actually, as I say, you can prevent it with the remedies and as you say the tablets are really horrible. They're very nasty, have nasty side effects, and I've seen quite a lot of patients who have had serious problems from them."

Ok, from a salesmans point of view here is what I see,

They have dumbed down maleria, made it seem insignificant so that people will focus on what the Homeopathic Practitioner (HP) wants, the sentance also dumbs down the doctor, making them seem like liars, or even salesmen, trying to get you to use their product.

The repetition of the word nasty 3 times in the paragraph relating to the conventional malaria drug, this is a technique often used, repetition of words with negative connotations used in relation to a competitors products is a trick often used by advertisers.

The HP Claims that she has seen many many problems with the conventional medicine, again straongly suggesting the client finds something else.

Infact the only time the Homeopathic remedy is mentioned is in passing, this is a typical subliminal technique used by salesman as it makes the client think of homeopathic remedies positively, and then since the HP hasnt yet properly mentioned the Homeopathic solution I think it would be the Client who mentions using Homeopathic drugs.

This instantly means that the client is asking for something, so the HP can make it seem like the client has just had a brilliant idea.

I think the whole use of this obvious salesman technique in a medical profession is a disgrace, and defiantely grounds for a few lawsuits.

Are any of you users of homeopathic remedies?

12 July 2006

How Not To Wash Clothes

Ive developed a little problem, that I intend to fix tonight.

Basically when i do my washing i have a tendancy to forget about it till 4 or 5 hours later. I will tehn remember, put the crumpled heap into the drier and then proceed to forget about it again.

The end result? Clothes that take about 5 frigging hours to iron >.< (picked the >.< up from somewhere & now cant stop doing it, i blame the lass from doncaster)


This lunchtime I went into my local newsagents and bought a scratchcard, I only get these once in a blue moon but do seem to have an ability to win fivers of them.I scratch off the first two panels, both are £100,000. Someone not used to scratchcards and their evilness would be excited by this, i thought id lost. I scratch the third panel, and, at nearly heart attack excitement THERE WAS ANOTHER £100,000. This was, fora split second one of the best moments in my life, till i realised that the dear old lady behind the counter was laughing her head off.

She then proceeds to tell me that was a fake one... a FAKE. I was just stood there, broken hearted while the old innocent pure evil lady hands me a real one. Think the old lady/devil on tenatious d's tribute at the end of the video for it.

I won a fiver, wiped the smile off her face >.<

11 July 2006

Timekeeping shot

Ive been late to work the last two days, not too professional!

First time was due to forgetting to put my alarm clock on, todays was due to me losing track of time going for a jog do'h.

But back to blogging,

I am a huge fan of Mr Angry's Blog he generally has funny posts and all, plus he seems to attract the young female sex bloggers like theirs no tomorrow. Whereas I dont go into much detail in my blog (because it is not really an anominess blog, a lot of my mates read it as well, could not introduce them to such filth tut tut) bloggers such as NF Girl do seem to go into great depth, instantly making me want to travel down south, where most of the 'personal' bloggers seem to come from.

I have however come across Pimp My Blogger who regularly comments on Angry's site, and I am slightly worried by two facts.

1) I cant work out if its a bloke or lass, i would check profiles but im way too lazy for that.
2) He/She seems to post wayyy to much about Angry, seemingly at the request of Ellie (who also puts the occasional naughty bit of information into her blog)

Just so she doesnt feel left out, and because her blog can also be Damn funny, Katie Newtons blog is a good visit though it rarely mentions sex.

I also read this punk blokes blog, he seemed like a decent geezer, and whos posts made me burst out laughing in the office, however I cant remember who it was, ahhh well.

(PS. This is the closest to a blogroll that I will ever be arsed to do in the near future)

10 July 2006

Time Flies

I had a three day weekend this week, however it felt like a day!

The red hot chilli peppers were, as expected, fantastic.

The girl I fell for now has another boyfriend, not going to hurt her again so im going to trty and keep out of her way from now on.

Nuff said.

On a smiilar note, there is a girl from leicester who I have known, and felt a lot for over nearly 5 years, we both know nothing will happen as we live too far apart, but I cant help but want to be with her, fool I am. Worst thing is she feels the same way and wants to cut off contact because of the way she feels.

I really dont want this to happen, I like her a lot and would rather have her as a friend than not at all.

06 July 2006


Im off to see the Red Hot Chilli Peppers tonight in sheffield, therefore I p0w\ you all, get over it.

05 July 2006


Still not done the urine thing so I went to the local chemists today,

I walked through the door and was immediately struck by the 'league of gentlemanesque' look of the place, in the end though I ahve to say it veered to more little britain humour.

I start looking around and this woman comes upto me and asks if she can help, shes short, round, so round that spherical would be the best word. So yeah I tell the spherical woman that I was looking for a pack of strepsils.

Then she goes


"We haveee..
lemsip, there good arnt they, i dont like the lavour though,
Halls soothers too, theyre nice and sweet, match a sweet young man like yourself"

May I note that at this point if she had infact nudged me I would have ran out of the shop. I started to press the point that I was looking for strepsils, and did they have any?

"Oooo strepsils, we also have lemsip and ha.."

I interrupt again, ahh so you do have the strepsils!, thats great, where are they?

So she takes me over, and starts pointing them all out,

"hereee we aree"
"We have lemsip and halls and beechams and anusol, thats for heamoroids or piles (She points out) or benylin.... ahh here we are! Right inforont of me!"

Then, believe it or not,

"We have orange or citrus or honey and lemon or.."

"Il take the orange please!"

I practically shout this, but im ill and geting harrased by an oversized beachball.

Whats the point of al this you may ask...

Always go to fucking boots, they may not give a toss about you, but at least they do it quietly!

In other news, I have infact practically lost my voice, this is making life difficult at work, when I have to for instance, ring people.

04 July 2006

Registering with a new doctor.

Last night I went to register with a new doctor, im still feeling ill and my throat kills, so I thought I might as well get it over and done with.

So I walk down to the surgery, its a pleasant stroll, weathers lovely and the doctors looks fairly good, professional and everything. The building is an old Victorian style place, not the kind out of horror movies, it just looks swanky!

I go and talk to the receptionist, she seems really friendly and hands me two forms for registration. The first form is easy enough, date of birth, previous doctor etc, the second one is slightly more difficult, it informs me to provide a urine sample, with a big square besides it. Did she want me to piss accurately into that square?

So I go back and ask for a sample bottle, informing her that I may go and do this part of the form at home, I need to go find out which injections I'd had anyway.

How the fuck am I meant to piss in a bottle that's about the length and width of my thumb? I mean, il piss, itl overflow, itl cover my hands, if theres enough pressure it could go ANYWHERE kinda when you try fill a coke bottle with a tap, I used to make quite a mess in the kitchen and REALLY don't wont to make the same kind of mess with my 'sample taking'

Ideas anyone? (I have already heard the use a jug and fill it from their idea, I think I would fill the jug before I had finished peeing, although a plus point would be the ability to offer the jug of 'apple juice' to people who are not so near and dear to my hearts, they can keep the jug, its not something I would want to use, see or contemplate again.

03 July 2006

Flag Burning

As you should know by now, all you regular readers of my blog..

Ok, I'll start again.

I am a big fan of dilbert, and the Scott Adams blog, and the most recent contraversial topic is the new law they are trying to bring into place for the burning of the american flag.

Personally I can see why people get upset about flag burning, but banning flag burning?

This kinda reminds me about an old law in the uk, so old in fact that most people dont even know it exists.

An old guy in North Yorkshire (a County in England, Counties are kinda like states but smaller) Was taken to court because he put a Yorkshire flag up in his garden. Apparently this is Illegal in our country, you are not allowed to raise your counties flag on your property, this is a law that was raised hundereds of years ago, when there was still feuding, and yet the council thought it appropriate to threaten some old guy who was infact supporting his local cricket team?


I think the new American law is a hge insight into the current American Governments priorities, or a devious attempt to focus the public on something other than their poor healthcare system, floundering economy, poorly rated education system and so on. I think the US Gov'nt should spend a bit more time focusing on the real problems and a bit less time on the destruction of cloth with certain designs.

30 June 2006


I feel I should apologise for the huge amount of typos I make, however Im afraid that since I dnt get paid for this, and really am very lazy, I will not edit posts afterwards just to correct them.

Get over it..

and stop sending me email pointing out each one and why it is specifically annoying....

28 June 2006

Cost of the World Cup

The world cup is one of the biggest events of the year, without a doubt, unless your america (and therefore unable to understand a game that doesnt have quaters)

However it does present me wth a dillema, I have watched most of the games, only staying in the last two days due to feeling like utter shite, and even then ive watched the odd bit of the games. In most cases this has resulted in me going to the pub, buying bottles at obscene prices and going out and celebrating on behalf of the winning team afterwards. This has, not surprisingly, left me a little short this month, just got paid and im still in debt. The words 'uhoh' and 'shit' seem appropriate here as because this month I have a red hot chillipeppers gig to goto, then in august I have leeds festival (Which will definately push me over my monthly budget) I have also promised to goto bath for a night out in bristol, as well as a work do on friday where it will be a curry then drinks. All this culminates in me being, quite simply, in the shit.

Of course, there are ways around this, i could get a secodn job, or even go on a murder spree like this girl planned to.

It is however important to point out that im always too knakered after work for a second job, and if the murder spree thing didnt work i would be pretty damn upset about getting my arse pounded in prison every day for 10 years.

Suggestions anyone?

27 June 2006


Feeling rather ill today, also the aussies got knocked out, another sweepstake lost, and I did quite like them as a team!

But yeah, hope I feel better for friday, going for a meal and have a game to watch!

21 June 2006

F*cking Chavs and teh Benefits Problem

This is a topic that has been covered In a wide range of blogs, but I feel the tiem has come for me to bring my take into the arena.

There is an ever increasing problem in the uk of layabout chavs, Absolute tits, who annoy everyone and dont work, living off our benefits system, and in extreme cases having kids simply to get benefits. I f*cking hate this.

Fair do's, if someone gets knocked up through no fault of their own they may need some financial assistance, but the system is baing abused so badly it is unbelievable. I think a good approach would be to only give benefits to people who have tried all possible ways within reasonable measure to have a full time job, and balance a family life. most people manage to have at least one person working in the family, so I cant see why the chavs should get away with sitting on their arses at home all day, collecting government cheques and then causing trouble in town.

The best government scheme I have seen recently are the childcare vouchers, though I dnot know much about this it allows peolpe to get subsidised/tax free vouchers that can be used at nurseries if taken right from your pay packet, thank god there is something that helps the peolpe who deserve it!

The only reason this exists is because the government is giving so much to the 'slackers' of the nation, if the government gave support, but not enough to live on at least they would get jobs. Unfortunately the low level workers of this country get hammered by the government, I pay a lot of tax, get sweet FA in benefits and struggle to keep my head above water. How can a government function by giving benefits for doing nothing and penalising those who get off their arses and try to climb the ladder. It doesnt help that nowdays you cant afford to buy a house till you hit your thirties.

Rising inflation, much higher than the government, and I use this term very loosely, estimates, is gigantic compared to rises in wages, the rent alone usually takes about half of peoples salaries, and energy bills are set to double. the slackers will be fine, middle and upper class will be fine, btu us low paid slackers, will basically, be getting screwed.


Last night, for the first half, I believed we could win the world cup, our play was fantastic, we made full use of our midfield, it all seemed to be going well, even though they did score. So what went wrong?

Firstly, I think our main downfall in the second half was Sven reverting to the tactic of missing out midfielders in plays, it doesnt seem to work, it puts players out of their natural style, and I dont really know why he doesnt change.

Secondly, Crouch travels far too mcuh of the pitch, even with his legs the fact that he seems to get into defence before the defence is going to knacker anyone. If he concentrated on attacking and didnt cover the whole pitch things might have gone better for us, especially with the departure of Rooney mid way through the second half (though it was quite funny when he got into a strop about being taken off)

Joe Coles Goal was some great precision shooting, something that has definately been lacking previously, im glad hes in the team!

Also hats off to gerrard for his header, not many people could have pulled that off!

All in all, great game, I was damn mipressed by our first half performance, and I think the play is a ray of hope for our world cup showing.

19 June 2006



BT are a pain, I rang to query a £20 disconnection charge at work today, not much, was tempted not to bother, so I ring the BT Business Service Centre.

First things first, I hear a new voice message, a 30 second annoyance before it rings through to the main centre, I enter the phone number concered when promted, this is where it starts to get good.

It asks ether its a Business line or not, on THE BUSINESS CENTER NUMBER, then it goes through two more sets of option, each with four choices, my choice is of course the last one on each. I get asked to hold by the nice machine.


40 minutes later...

A droning, very bored, clearly doesnt give a shit voice goes

"Can I take your account number please"

I reply "Hi, my acc..."

before getting cut off,

"Sorry I didnt catch that, what was the account number again?"

I give her the account, and she proceeds to ask for my name, company etc.

then she asks what the problem is, I explain to her that there is a reconnection charge on teh bill, this is quite intresting since its never been disconnected. She then tells me that she cannot, in fact, do anything with my account, it has to go to our account manager, and puts me on hold without another word.

Now bear in mind, this is a single bill, not part of our main account, why does ONE ACCONUT need an ACCOUNT MANAGER, I mean seriously what does she do all day!

After another 5 minutes of waiting I get through to my apparent account manager, who in a bored but this time polite voice asks me all the account number, security questions etc again. I dont mind so much when poeple are polite, as I know when people get passed about its not realy their fault, however my account manager for this account apparently does not ahve any access to details of the account.
This stumped me a little, and started off a nervous tick that I havnt seen since my stocks crashed by about 7 grand on 11/9 (No matter how many times its said i will not use the american 9/11, bloody backward f&*ks

She informs me that i need to ring a number, which is the number i rang in the first place, so i inform her, quite shortly that that IS where I rang in, and was told they couldnt help me.
Quite impressivly she sits through another 1/2 hour of hold music with me until someone at the main bt desk picks up, my 'account manager' leaves me and i proceed to talk with the new woman.

The new woman sounded a lot more like she had her wits about her, however when I starteed querying the charge (which should have been removed by our account manager when it was inccorectly put on months ago, this being our propper account manager, incharge of several hundred thousand lines) but i was told that apparently acconut managers cannot waive charges, this gives me another moment of confusion, if account managers cannot see, or change an account what do they infact DO. Considering we do seem to have approximately 20 account managers within BT this is quite annoying, but yeah, after about 10 minutes of negotiation she finally removes the charge as a goodwill geuture, and now all is good, of course untill the next bill where we realise that the charge is probably still there.

I love my job, really.

World Cup Gamble

I have made quite a few bets on this world cup, most I think are justified, with only a couple that im a bit worried about.

First Off, My Wiliam Hill Bets

  • Brazil to win (£20) - 9/4
  • England to Reach Semis (£10) - 9/2
  • England to win (Place every year) (£5) - 6/1

My Betfair bets

  • Brazil To Reach Final (£10) - 2.64
  • England to reach Semis (£10) - 2.74
  • England to wni Vs Swe (£10) - 2.64
  • Australia to Qualify (£10) - 2.12

And Top Goalscorers on betfair, I ahve split £12 over 5 players

  • Adriano (£2) - 19
  • F.Torres (£2) - 16
  • H.Crespo (£3) - 8.8
  • D.Villa (£3) - 7.4
  • M.Klouse (£2) - 12.64


Trust me.. I didnt read clicksors T&C's, turns out you cant sue them for personal blog type websites!

So I am now on the search for an advertiser that will live up to my expectations. May be a long search!

Ahh well, il have to do some in depth research tonight, there will be a company out there that can provide a good service, but unfortunately small time websites like mine do not really account for a huge amount of hits on the internet.

if your site is not a personal blog please still sign up with the link below, I still rate them as a good advertising company, and im hoping that I can find a company that can match their service that will allow personal websites.

16 June 2006


Again from the dilbert blog (my daily escape from work for 5 minutes) I ahve found myself drawn into reading the comments, at the moment the blog seems to be veering into the paranormal and supernatural, people whos magnetic fields break watches, or switch streetlamps off. While this all seems rather strange it does actually fascinate me, unlike the religious debates, where i just get infuriated by the fact that so many idiots can believe in a god, the paranormal world has countless proofs of strange events happening, im not talking about ghosts and such, but premonition dreams, telekenises, mind reading, all that kind of stuff.

Firstly, I find visions of ghosts and such to most likely be delusions of the mind, possibly used to explain to the person something they already know, but have had trobule figuring out,

The watches resetting etc may be possibly by the human magnetic field, this kind of intrigues me, and I would quite like to see a full scientific survey conducted on this!

Telekenisis, moving matter by mind, i think this may tie in with the human magnetic field, however I have trouble believing that the mind alone could concentrate to such huge extremes as to be able to do this.

Mind Reading - Advanced poker playing, some people get very experienced at picking up peoples emotions, feelings etc just by looking at them, again this could be linked to the human magnetic field if people learn to 'pick up' the fluxes.

Dreams is interesting.

Have you ever had that feeling when your just droping off to sleep then your whole body jerks, and it kinda feels like youve just droped from 5 feet in the air, kinda freaks me out. Dream wise I have dreampt about stuff that then happened, but could that just be my brain working out the future in a logical way from previous events?

This has been rather freaky in my life, I once went over and talked to a person, fully knowing who they were and their name, only to find they had come over from america for the first time and had no idea who I was. Scary shit...

Out of body experiences? Never happened to me, would be pretty cool though. This is something I find more hard to believe as it involves 'spirit' not something I can realy believe in!

Has anyone else had any experiences that while strange CAN be rationalised, and maybe some who have had something happen that was just too strange to rationalise!

World Cup Woes & Clicksor Cash

The world cup game for england last night was a bit gut wrenching for me. Its hard when you support your team so pationately to see them miss so many fantastic opportunities in the first half alone. Though we did pull it back we are gonig to have to improve dramatically in the quater final stages if we want to progress, if we get germany, though they arnt at their best at teh moment, they will not be as forgiving as Trinidad & Tobago.

On another note, I am now uing a new advertiser, Clicksor have a competitive rate and display a wide range of ads (Compared to bidvertiser, not too impressed with theirs & though they pay well their adverts are generally so insignificant no one clicks them!)

If you wish to take a look at clicksor I would heartily recomend them as a great agency to work with, they have a great reporting tool, good rates and a huge range of advert types. Its free to sign up, and if you want to give it a go just click the link below.

15 June 2006

I saw the following comment on the dilbert blog, I believe this is genius at its best!

"When traveling back from Mexico by car with my roommate, we were asked a couple of routine questions at the border like where we've been, where we were born...so on.

Then...THE question came: "Do you have any drugs?"

For all those out there reading...let me leave the rest of the story up to your imagination except for one piece...trust me...you won't be far off from what really happened.

My roommate responded to this question by saying "well...what do you need?"


Cashed another cheque today, was only for £15.80, but on top of the two £50 odd cheques my total must be well over £125 for a £35 outlay, not a bad turnover!

The largest win in my line has been £178,000, near enough, unfortunately i dont get to see a penny of this, if only I had been in that syndicate group!

If you wish to join our e-lotto syndicate visit http://elotto.thebargainbin.co.uk
It will allow you to play the uk and euro lottory tax free from anywhere in the world, give it a shot!

Remember, if you reffer 5 people you can even play for free, reffer even more and you might even get a small amount each week, but lets face it, the real money to be made with a lottery syndicate is on the heavily increased odds of winning. Though I wont spout the 88,000% Greater chance that they give you in all the advertising blurb because I believe this is misleading, and makes you thnik you could wina huge prize straight off, it does increase your ods of winning dramatically, but in most cases the first few weeks you will get a disappointing 86p before your syndicate hits a £50 - £300 win!

Personally though, since I now play for free, the increased ods of a lotto win, coupled with playing for free make this a fantastic opportunity!


And it gets worse...

For the first day in my current job I have slept in, arriving only half an hour late this would not normally pose a huge problem, however today I wanted to leave early to go watch the england game. This is going to take some creative negotiation with my boss!

Either that or i sue the sony for making a shoddy alarm, i mean two fucking times it went off, apparently to a 'crashendo'and i dont even stir, what the hell is up with that!

14 June 2006

Google F*ckers

Last week I was notified that my google adsense account had been disabled, upon closer inspection of the email it was apparently because I had held aprevious account which had been disabled due to repetitive clicks. After querying this with google I was told that my name and geographical location matched that of the abuser, when asked about the 'geographical location' they told me that this was 'within the uk'

Ok, lets face it, my name isnt common and the odds are slim, but were talking about the WHOLE OF THE UK HERE, not just england, but the whole lot, for all i know there could be some scottish bloke with my name chuckling at this right now.

Unfortunately I have been informed that there is nothing I can do, as there policy is not to re-instate overly clicked accounts, despite the fact that im not the actual clicker. This is a bit of a pain for me because i have tried incredibly hard to stick to googles t&c's including taking pains to make sure their ads are seperate from those of other advertisers and ensuring that the sites ive advertised on are suitable for googles purposes (in some cases emailing them to double check wether a borderline case is allowed)

The worst thing is, not a single other advertiser seems to offer the quality of advertisements as google, I have tried a few but it seems that my hopes of continuing use of googles service have been dashed because one of there fcking admins has matched my name to some other fcker.

Therefore in the next few weeks if I manage to get some free time together I will be swapping all my ads and trying the Microsoft and Yahoo ads, though im loathe to use MS as there online services are absolutely abysmal, usually requiring no end of passport signups and all kinds of shananigans. Even msn's profile service is a pain in the arse now as you cant even have a decent sized picture, bastards.

But yeah, sorry for the rather depressing and irerlevant post. if anyone has any suggestions to available advertising companies for small time people please pass some my way!

This makes things incredibly difficult for me as i was working out income/expenditure on gogoles income, i was getting very little elsewhere. Since google have just taken the money I have earnt through them they have quite simply F*cked me. Donations would be welcome as im not 100% sure if i can afford to keep my servers up when the tiem comes to pay for them!

13 June 2006

Download Festival

Download was Amazing!

Guns n' Roses had a poor start but things improved dramatically towards the end with the re-introduction of Steve Adler and Izzy from back in the day. Best till last as always, paradise city was amazing, and seemed to go flawlessly. I was a bit dissapointed that Welcome to the Jungle didnt feature, considering it sued to be their signature song its surprising it was missed out!

Prodigy were fan-fucking-tastic, i was dehydrated to hell by the end of it, wouldnt mind seeing them again!

and yeah, englands game was pretty disapointing on saturday, crouch had no support upfront, we are going to have to improve if were going to win the cup this year!

08 June 2006

Download Festival

Download here I come! I will be at Download festival this weekend to see prodigy and guns n' roses not to mention a huge array of other bands. I cant wait!

The tickets arrived today, this leaves me with the problem that this week is going to go incredibly slowly, I do have a lot to do though so it should help!

Lesson Learned

Last night I learnt a very important lesson about mysellf.

Im shit at snooker. Not just bad, its easy to be bad at snooker.

Basically when I stopped concentrating I had a red, blue, red, black, red break. Then a red, blue, red, green, red. pink break.

When I actually tried to play, concentrated on my shots, lined them up etc i missed constantly.

My state of mind last night was a beligerant 'What the hell'

Hence why this weekend I will be going to the snooker club by myself and practising for a good couple of hours, it needs to be done.

07 June 2006


Off to play pool and/or snooker tonight, should be able to make up for my previous performance since im feeling pretty on the ball tonight.

I received a text this morning saying 'still waiting for that txt sexy' I cant remember promising to send a text, but I have no idea wether its someone i met while pissed, or if its a wrong number. leave a comment saying 'text' or 'ignore' I will do what the winning response is, hurry though as there is only the three day statutory ignore period after first contact!

06 June 2006

Night Out - Part 2

So after a days work of people trying to take me down while I was suffering with a rather severe hangover I stagger out of work fully intent in going home for an hours kip, or so I thought.

Unfortunately on my walk home I have to walk past about 9 pubs and a bar, used to be 2 bars but one is temporarily shut down. This is in an incredibly small stretch of road, as York is jam packed full of drinking establishments, and I find myself going into the welcoming open doors of the windmill, where i proceed to continue getting drunk. after a couple of hours I head home, have a can then head towards the kings arms, a small local pub in york that is famous for getting flooded at least annualy. On a quick note, I bumped into one of my neigbors standing on the roof outside my window, she seems pretty sound and works in a swords/crossbows etc shop nearby. But yeah, I take my pool cue as it is definately on the agenda, and we spend a good couple of hours standing in the sun sipping on the pints, eyeing up the totty and wondering how some girls who must have been about 12 got served. After musing over this for a while we head off to play soom pool, where, and im not ashamed to admit it, I got absolutely trounced. Revenge game wil be in order for that abysmal performance. I head back, get drunk some more and soundly collapse in bed about 1ish.

Saturday was pretty good, a simple sit in the pub drinking and playing cards, im determined to learn to play poker well, it seems doable as im good at a wide range of card games, just never had a propper shot at poker!

Went out for a couple after that then went and watched a dvd with my housemates, rounding off a fairly relaxing day.

Night Out - Part One

Ok, the drinking started thursday night, I went to see the aforementioned girl for a little bit but was only there for 20 minutes when she hinted at the fact that it was going to be a girls night out, and, in nicer words told me to go away, and ring her later, unfortunately by the time i rang her she was on her way home and I was steaming drunk. So proceeded to dance with every woman i could, discovering one hen night was all dressed as schoolgirls and every single one was lacking underwear, top and bottom led to an intresting half hour, and I would probably have returned had I not been accousted by a load of hen night nuns.

Dont get me wrong, I like pantiless women but I preffer a challenge, sluts are only good for one thing, im looking for more of a relationship at the moment. The nuns held an impressive display of drinking competitions which me and a mate joined in, and I have to say they held their drink well, the winner being a woman who must have weight a minimum of 20 stone, not surprisingly in my opinion.

I would be lieing if I said I wasnt missing the lass from earlier. I do like her a lot and would have much rather been dancing with her, but somehow I dont think its going to happen, win some lose some i guess.

But yeah, as the night progressed I ended up in good ol mickle gate takeaway, munching pizza, and minus my boxers, which the nuns deviously stole from me in the gents, thats one story that is way too blue for the blog. I dont remember staggering home, but next thing I know im waking up with my alarm blaring and have to goto work, still slightly on the pissed side, was horrendous.

World Cup - First England Game

The first world cup game is nearly upon us, and the England game coming up on saturday should be fantastic *Dances about in excitement* I have missed hte raw excitement that seems to accumulate when the england footy team play, its no where near matched by rugby or cricket. Dont get me wrong, you want them to win, but it just isnt the same!

But heres the plan.

Me and a couple of mates are tempted to go overseas and watch a game or two of the World Cup in person, unfortunately we cant decide which games, there is basically two sides. The side that wants to go and see games we will definately win, hence they will be very enjoyable and allow us to taunt the opposing team mercilessly, or the side that wants to see good football teams so we can see a fantastic game of football no matter what the outcome. Personally im a bit undecided, but i think a win against Brazil would be a hellova lot better than a win against Jamaica, they should stick to the bobsleding judging by last weekends game.

In other news,

  • I desperately need to do some washing
  • I dont think me and this lass is going to work out, she just doesnt see intrested anymore.
  • I pissed off so many people at work last friday, unfortunately this time it was mostly people I like.
  • I placed a £5 bet on Croatia to win the world cup, after seeing the odds I thought whehey thats worth a punt (after way too many pints)
  • The bloke who tried to top himself turned out to be suffering from a few broken bones only, me and a few other people are getting ready to wait outside with some complementary tickets to the chrysler building and some pointy sticks.
  • I watched Carrie last night, loadsa naked birds at the start, was a bit let down by the main character though. They should have taken someone like the girl from not another teen movie who could become instantly fit after shedding the gawky look.

And thats a quick round up of my life, I will post a bit more about my pissed up antics last thursday, friday & saturday shortly, however im still trying to remember them. Be warned it contains Nuns, school girls without underwear (Only pretend scool girls, *raises middle finfer at peados*) and copious amounts of alcohol and random dances.

31 May 2006

World Cup 2006

I watched the England game and was actually quite impressed by our performance, even against a poorly ranked team. There were several main points I think stood out in that game.

  • Beckham seems to be working on his passing and crosssing again, I dont think hes been world class for quite some time now, but I think he may yet again become a national hero, even though he is, lets face it, a bit of a wanker.
  • Cole brought out some very fancy footwork and DIDNT lose the ball, a huge improvement on his previous play.
  • Crouch made a absolutely precision shot, he knew where the goal was, an earlier lok told him all about the keeper and defenders then he just powered the shot in.

The poor play I saw in the game on Englands side was just because Sven had changed the team from its standard, I was also dissapointed that the new young'un didnt seem to make much of an appearance, im quite intrested in seeing how well he plays.