31 January 2008

Thursday Morning.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning.

The wind souinded so strong it was going to knok my house over.

The rain sounded so fierce it could have been a warzone outside.

Fortunately I was pretty tired so i dropped off back to sleep.

Unfortunately It was still going on when I woke up after subconciously pressing snooze three times in a row.

I wearly got dressed, showered and did my usual morning hygene rituals in approximately that order, before thinking perhaps I should get my wterproof coat out for this one.

Now being on crutches at the moment my movement is slightly impaired, so rummaging through the loft, cupboards, bedroom and closet I had eventually gave up and stepped outside... Into a beautifully bright sunny morning.

Fuck I thought as I looked at my watch and realised that I was going to be late and now had no excuse whatsoever.

Fortunately I got in before the rest of my team, guess my luck was in after all!

30 January 2008

New flatmate

We are looking for a new flatmate, room is fairly spacious in York CC in a 500 year old house,

Applicants must be fairly clean, sociable, financially stable and prefferably own a PS3.

28 January 2008

Mc A-levels

Macdonalds is a great way to get food with zero to little nutritional content in a fast, overpriced and probably spat in way.

They recently expanded their range to include slightly healthier options such as frozen veg transported from where it is cheapest to grow and yoghurt, which is so lively it can defend itself.

But it seems that is not enough. The government has approved, along with two other companies, MacDonalds to have its very own qualification which will be the equivalent to an A-Level.

And they say standards are slipping...

Reuters included items such as business management as part of this new high class teaching environment. I think I can safely say that I would not ever want to see in any way shape or form the scrotes from Macdonalds running a business. The way they sneeze into the chip fat and spit on your burger is enough to make me think that perhaps these guys are not infact management material.

But for all those teenagers studying hard to earn that A-Level, pretty soon you will be level with the guy who failed high school and his shiny new Mc A-level. Do you want fries with that?

I know longer know how to shop.

Now that Woolworths has closed down.

All I wanted was a big bar of chocolate.

But where the fuck do I get one of those without Woolworths?

I am going to have to remove my friends and family from my social life before the next birthday of each respective one.

24 January 2008

Is Child Abuse Really an Excuse?

More and more often I am seeing 'I was abused as a child' as something muttered by defendants in the media. Recently a mother sued her own son in America because he claimed that he beat him regularly to within an inch of his life when trying to get of a drug dealing charge.

But I don't want to talk about the false claims here, I want to talk about the real claims.

There have been several cases of paedophilia where some disgrace of a 40 year old has slept with a 12 year old girl, their defence being along the lines of 'my dad abused me sexually when I was young'

Don't get me wrong, having your dad shaft you up the arse is going to be traumatic for anyone, but what in gods name does that have to do with you picking up a girl who has only just started hearing about that sex thing and abusing the trust she places in you as an adult.

I know some people who have suffered physical and mental abuse as a child, and they are for the most part top blokes. They have fought their way through the hard times and used it as a pointer that hopefully they can make other peoples life's much happier than their own childhood, and usually they tend to have a pretty good thing going.

True they look back on their past with different emotions, be it fear, hatred or anger. But they have grown up, they learnt right and wrong, and they fixed their lives. The past will never go away, sometimes its still there, cowering in a house you used to live in alone and decrepit, whether their life fell apart or you fixed the atrocities with your own fist. The fear and pain they inflicted on you could still be there, in a person. All the abused can do is take solace in the fact that they came out on top, they won, they have the loving families while the abusers got nothing.

It is these people, who have got through the hard times, who inspire me. It is those that use the hard times as an excuse who disgust me.

I saw a report about a 19 year old getting arrested for soliciting sex with a 15 year old in a nightclub. He blamed child abuse.

Personally I think at 19 you are damn randy, 15 year olds tend to dress up to look a few years olders and tend to be in most nightclubs. This bloke sawa fit looking bird and went for it.

Maybe the judge should have asked what the 15 year old girl was doing in the nightclub, plastered in makeup and flirting with the guys.

The 15 year old admitted willingly going home with him, at 15 if I went to a birds house just me and her i was more than aware of what was on the cards. She claimed she woke up the next day and realised she had been raped, drugged by alcohol her lawyer put it, she was awake through the whole experience apparently, but too drunk to realise that she didn't want to do tis.

No rape date drug, just alcohol. True alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but could the bloke use I was drugged by alcohol too as an excuse for taking her home?

Now maybe im wrong, maybe he saw a young inexperience girl, got her drunk till she passed out and then shagged her. But I saw the guys picture, he didn't look like a guy who would do that. It seems more like this girl got pissed up and made a mistake. But she got that drunk, she made that mistake, and mistakes ARE mistake, if you make one dont try and blame it on the guy you were with.

The only reason I stopped feeling sorry for this guy was because he claimed it was child abuse. But saying that he saw a cute girl around his own age, they went home and did the usual would have probably got him locked up.

May I point out my last girlfriend was eight years older than me, I've had girlfriends four years younger than me. At no point have I been taking advantage, I genuinely like them. Even if it some of my encounters have been one night stands, alcohol induced or otherwise the age gap has never been a big deal to me. The people that really should be locked up are teh old men who activeley seek out underage girls, even children and groom them just so they can get their end away. Fucking disgusting.

I think I have drifted slightly off topic, just rambling away to myself more than writing a blog, so i'm going to call it a day here.

23 January 2008

Last Night I Made a Mistake..

So last night I became fairly bored and started singing along to some music in my room, when in the couple of cans jolly state I remembered one of my flatmates had Singstar, that playstation game where you sing into the microphone.

Now I have never imagined myself as Pavarotti, Bon Jovi, or even a Steve Coogan. But I do, or at least did, believe that I could hold my own. Oohhhhh dear.

After the first couple of goes at a Maroon 5 song I moved onto some U2 With beautiful day. The best I got was wannabee, with a coulpe of awfuls thrown in. My other flat mate came down at this point to mention that the food I asked him to pick up from Tescos had arrived. We both knew this was just some guise in checking that I was not raping an injured cat.

Then I discovered something, after a quick rendition or 'Grapevine' I discovered something truely amazing. I can sing black music better. I did not try any rap, nor any Micheal Jackson. I attempted some Jamaican, but failed ever so miserably. Soul music however, I kick arse at.

The problem is in every pub bar and club I have been pissed in I have most definately not been singing soul. Singstar confirmed that I had infact been making a twat of myself as I tried to redo some of my favorite pissup songs to a score board.

I am never EVER singing again.

22 January 2008

A deep and dark secret....

As some people close to me/used otbe close to me, and a few of the IT guys at work know I do infact have a geeky side.

This is not just limited to the humiliating fact that I do infact spend a small but significant portion of my life writing complete shite for this blog. I do infact have another, deep, intimate and embarrasing secret,






you know..


play world of warcraft.


Thats right, while some nights I live a cavaleer life, pulleda fine scottish bird last week, hoping to repeat this week, even on crutches. I do have a dark, geeky secret. And I have just told the world. If anyone in the world ever speaks of this again I shall punch their nutsack so hard they will be shitting bollox, I joke not.

To make the situation worse though I have even started blogging about this on http://wowraidguide.blogspot.com this for some reason seems to me like I have hit a new low, though I would be lieing if I said my alterior motive wasnt to try and makea bit of money out of this.

After all my blog literally makes me $0.80 a month, thats 40p, or 30p after tax, and -£27.70 after the bank charges me for having the audacity to transfer money from another country, even though paypal does it for free and only charges me a small commision on currency exchange.

Bastard Banks.

21 January 2008

Office Worker Ranks

I was looking at what people searched for on my website today and noticed that I still have a relatively high number of stalkers searching my email address, please leave.

I also saw that somebody searched for 'ranks of office workers'

This I thought was not a bad question.

So now I will compile a list of office worker ranks from the ground up.

Tea boy/ Rent boy.

Lowest of the low, this poor sod has left school and entered into the world of the office, he gets berated for his lack of skills, age and experience, not to mention facial hair.

Data Inputters

These sad bastards have to input data from one various form to another. In some cases this means a day of copying and pasting from emails. I know, I've been there.

Service Desk

Wether it be IT or support these guys have to deal with shite day in and day out from the entire company. The job does however have some interesting perks. These guys can mess with head, exagerate problems, delete vital data and tel you to reboot your machine. Don't get on the wrong side of these sly dogs.


These are the guys who have a bit more know how, they have worked in the company for a while and not progressed, their knowledge is invaluable though. You will find a fair few middle aged people in this situation who really should have moved on.

Team Leaders.

They think they have power.


They hold the money and are good with numbers. There will always be one fit bird in the finance team who will be lusted after by the majority of the other blokes around her.


These guys wear the slick suits and sort out your day to day life, ensuring you are a happy productive person. Failing that they will ignore the problem completely. These are the guys you turn to when you need corporate support, therefore their schedule is always fully booked with meetings and training sessions which keep them a safe distance from their lackeys.

Project Managers

These guys ensure they always have a job to do by making things as complicated as possible. They will then ensure the company processes fuck up before deciding the previous system was probably the best after all.


They pay you. They always have the nicest desks, hottest women and unattainable success. These people are untouchable.

Upper Management.

They take simplified data form the management team and change it till it makes them look good. This is then passed upto teh directors.

The Directors.

Use the reports to wipe the anal cavities of the flying monkeys they use to communicate. They then continue to make the changes that affect their stock in the best way.


Listens to the directors complaining about their measly 50 grand pay increases and then jumps on a plane to Barbados for a fling with Jennifer Ellison and Kelly Brook

The Non Executive Directors

While technically lower than the CEO and on a par with Directors. The difference is these guys work 5 days out of the year and get paid an obscene amount. Life of bloody luxury.

18 January 2008

The British Culture.

I thought I best make my position clear on teh subject of british culture, since it seems not liking the BNP can be constrewed as some as voting against the retention of the British way of life. If you have read this blog before you can probably skip this.

I fully support protecting the British way of life. I don't mind poeple coing here and working here. What really gets on my tits is when people come over ehre and then have the gall to complain. You moved here it was your, or your families choice, to move to Britain. Why do you want to move to Britain? We are successful, friendly and open inded.

So please, do not come over here and complain about things like christmas, crosses, easter and any other part of British culture that has been ingrained into our way of life. Sure build a mosque if you want, but dont complain about the church next door.

The British government is seemingly intent on pandering to the minorities, being a young white office worker I am fully against this, if not for any reason other than im getting shafted left right or centre by welfare benefits and minority benefits while i struggle to afford to live by paying extortionate taxes to pay for it all.

Now while I think this I do not support the BNP. While I do agree with many of their policies they seem to have been taken over by a bunch of racist twats with an agenda, when the party was originally founded to protect our country.

But lets face it, threats to British culture are coming from more than other people visiting the UK.

The Fight Against Binge Drinking?

Now, I can see the governments angle, but with a huge defecit, failing economy and failed war overseas should their top priority really be me and my mates having one too many and falling asleep somewhere. True some violence comes from drinking, some fuckwits will always twat someone for no reason. Lock the fuckers up. Let out the people who cant afford to pay their taxes since they have been hit by one after another of Gordon Browns stealth taxes and try help them get back on their feet.

The binge culture is a part of British life. As much as I like european drinknig culture I wouldnt want to live with it forever. British weather prevents the sitting outside till 3 in the morning, hell even some British laws prevent us from sitting outside till 3 in the morning in some places. We dont start work late, have a siesta then finish at 8, though it would suit me hands down. And, to be quite honest, its just not as much fun.

I like British culture, I like going to the pub with my mates, I fucking love Yorkshire puddings and I love my country. I do not care who comes and goes as long as they realise that this is Britain, if you dont like it, fuck off.

We used to control the globe, we owned half the world. God knows why we had a fall that exceeded the loss of power of the Roman empire. Our fucked up management in trying to please the world left us with next to nothng.

But let me point out that despite protection of British culture some diversity is good. I dont mind going for the occasional curry, but i'ld blooody well kick off if they complained that my local chippy offended them.


Rant over.

17 January 2008

Is prohibiting extremism really the right way to go?

Today I will be taking a rather more serious note. Terrorism founded from extremist groups is a big, if slightly overplayed, subject in the media.

Everywhere there is condemnation of extremist groups be they Al Qaeda or the BNPs more vicious wings. Now while it is obvious that such groups have anegative effect on society is it really proactive to try and silence these groups?


It seems Home Secretary Ms Jaqui (you can see why I'm single) Smith has recently been campaining for extremist websites to be shut down, as they could infect unerable people with malicious and dangerous ideas. Now this seems fine in principle, but where exactly do you draw the line? Websites condoning terrorism are already shut down, so she is obviously after something else. Where do you draw the line at extremism and valid causes?

But this alone is not the major reason I wrote this post. By removing the extremists ability to express themselves you are actually exagerating teh problem, by silencing these people you are infact stirring them into a greater frenzy, and in some cases validating their cause.

Recently a member of the BNP was spoke at a conference, the people who attended this were pelted with stone, hit with signs and verbally as well as physically abused. Now while I do not agree with these policies surely it would be better to let the man speak and then either laugh him down or use reason to argue his points.

In the same way instead of validating the Al Qaeda and other terrorist and extremist groups by taking them seriously as a threat, surely it would be better to give them a platfrom for public voice so that these people can see what the majority REALLY think.

It is like the Ireland debacle of over a century. The reasons behind the conflict are mostly superficial, which country owns what, what religion you are and so forth. This argument is carried by a minority nowdays, the majority more concerned with getting on with their lives.

Im sure even Osma bin Laden himself would feel his wrath fade if he was preaching to an audience only to be asked if he wanted a cup of tea and a ginger biscuit, the shouting must be making him hoarse.

16 January 2008

Scary Youtube video

This is kind of weird, especially the way she looks the the poeple behind the glass in the end. Most likely a fake but wouldnt it be so fricking cool if you could really get supernatural powers like that?

Forget Yuri Gellar Or however the spoon bending ponces name is spelt, lets get powers that blow shit up.

14 January 2008

Huge Gas Cloud Will Hit the Milky Way!

"Huge Gas Cloud Will Hit the Milky Way!"

I read

"A giant cloud of hydrogen gas is racing towards a collision with the Milky Way, astronomers have announced. "

It continued.

"It contains enough hydrogen to produce a million stars like our Sun, researchers believe.

When it does fully interact with our galaxy, the cloud could indeed set off a new burst of star formation in the Milky Way"

I Panicked

"The monster cosmic "fog bank" is careering towards our galaxy at more than 240km/s (150 miles/s) "

I decide to join a religion.

"when it smacks into our galaxy in 20-40 million years."

Thank Fuck.

(Quite a large range though wouldn't you agree?)

08 January 2008

Welcome to Australia!

A friend who I had been planning to go traveling with mentioned Australia as a possible destination. work hard, get some money together, go for 6 months of drinking.

I forwarded him to this.

In all fairness though I really do want to visit Australia, the beaches, the people and the Aussie culture is just something that I really do want to experience.

Might have to turn it into a working holiday though.

07 January 2008

Awwww Looks like Somebody has a Case of the Mondays!

Monday mornings are always pretty damn horrendous for anyone. Only when you hit the first one of the new year though do things really realise how mind numbingly terrible they are.

From the half hearted roll out of bed, approximately half an hour late, all the way to realising you have run out of coffee to give you some kind of kick start. Trudging to work asking yourself why oh why you should be working, Christmas was so much better!

I think this condition can be summed up most eloquently with a quote from cult film office space.

"Case of the Mondays"

That's rights it has a name!

And as the film fantastically points out, it only occurs in office workers. The kind of depression that can only be associated with the stuck in a rut going no where, tired of job sickness that involves computers. No other profession has this kind of problem.

It is infact the depression where, with pure certainty, you know the only get out will be a large lottery win.

I have my ticket bought.

03 January 2008

Normally I love a festive snow filled christmas, well despite the snow being late it seems to be covering my fair city in a fairly thick blanket. Normally I would enjoy a bit of snow, it gives teh seasona bit of meaning This year however I have a knee that is fractured in two places with a bit of other random damage scattered about it. Hence on my return journeys to work I have to be supremely careful with my hopping along on fairly unstable crutches.

This morning I nearly went over on a hidden patch of ice, fortunately steading myself by jamming my crutch into the achilies heel of the person in front of me. Its ok I didn't hurt myself.

While I am normally fairly stable on my crutches the addition of snow covvered patches of ice is going to add a new hazard to my daily life. My coworkers have supplied me with some helpful comments such as mini skis for my crutches, particularly cruel since I was meant to be going snowboarding in Andora in three days time, the bastards.

Ah well, I fully intend to return to munich this year, a great city in the south of germany. since I have the extra week off from this snowboarding holiday I might move this into a 2 week treck, from amsterdam over to berlin then finishing off for a few days in good ol Munchen (Thats Munich in German for those who don't know). After that a trip to Poland and some of the eastern european countries is in order, then after a year or two I will hopefully be a little richer and move on to Africa, Asia Australia then a bit of America.

I can dream...

02 January 2008

Leap Year 2008

So it turns out the year of 2008 will be a leap year, those annoying celestial four quaters of a day bundled into one aunnual pain in the arse for the human race.

Some people benefit from this extra day, contractors and people on a daily wage get the cash and can laugh in the faces us annually paid employees. For us that are paid on an annual contract each year means one thing for our employers, they get a free days work out of us. This is more than slightly annoying for those of us with these contracts, especialy those of us with contractor friends, who will no doubt rub this in when they realise the significance.

Bastard physics.

My only solice is the fact that for some poor bastards somewhere they technically dont have a birthday three out of the four years. Some might class this as less of a worry, i mean they will just celebrate around the date, but im sure it makes it just a little bit harder for them to receive their birthday pints.