28 December 2007

Gun - Word Up

Gun's version of Word up has to be one of my favorite songs ever.

I dont know why, summit about the energy behind it MAKES YOU Aair Guiter.

Check out the Youtube vid

Merry Christmas!

Well I hope you all had a good Christmas!

Mine was unfortunately lacking in alcohol, but that is the price I pay for not having legs of pure iron.

My presents were rather random. I'm not sure what logic was behind the blender, but I am sure future vodka and fruit related hilarities will ensue shortly.

Work is at its best around thsi time of year, come in late, leave early, take an extended lunch. Not surprisingly with this relaxed working environment I get twice as much done, as opposed to when I roll out of bed while its dark, feel like shite all day then go and drink myself into a recuperative stupor on a night.

I was talking to the woman from france the other night, she is pretty funny and I get on with her pretty well. My flat mates responses to this news were along the lines of -

'when are you going to fuck her'
'dont talk about deciding whether you like her or not and fuck her already'

I really do need to regain some state of manliness back, I might ahve to give some of my old fuck buddies a call.

Will see how it goes with the french girl first though, when she says oo la la My libido goes into overdrive.

21 December 2007


Facebook seems to be a hot topic, so I thoght I would jump on the bandwagon and write a quick post about it.

I have to admit I am addicted to facebook. I keep finding old mates from my past who I have lost touch with over the years, have had a few drinking sessions with people who I ahve not seen in years and have been able to laugh as some of the more docile of my aged school friends have managed to get some bird pregnant and are living in a council estate somewhere.

There is a dark side though, I do have a couple of random people who keep trying to add me, and it gets worse.

Ugly people.

I have had a worrying number of ugly people add me as friends recently, while I have nothing particular against these uggos it leaves me in the unfortunate position of looking like I associate with these people.

I am a surprisingly caring man, but if being associated with these uggos makes a fit woman deem me too lowly for her standards im gonna delete them faster than a cheetah on cocaine.

18 December 2007

It seems

It looks like my Ex has fallen for someone else. A bit of a ball ache to put it bluntly.

It's strange that I have moved through life barely caring for other people, most of my previous girlfriends have been flashes in the pan, I got bored quickly and got shot.

Then along comes this Aussie girl, I dont know what it was about her. I loved her for exactly who she was. She wasn't perfect, she was better than perfect, she wasnt the prettiest, but she was the most beautiful.

And due to my own fuck up its all over.

She also seems to have turned me into a big girl.

17 December 2007

Merry Festive Season

So another Chr... festive season is upon us. Due to the possibility of offending some people with the mere mention of the word Christmas I have received several cards this year, most of them no more christmassy than 'seasons greetings'. This bloody annoys me because Christmas is a very British thing. The turkey the tree and the uneaten sprouts are a mainstay of Brisish culture, and it is a shame to see PC madness remove them from our life.

Not to mention we are now having to deal with snowpeople being made in the street, songs such as White Christmas being branded racially insensitive (usually by white people) and snowball fights being banned by schools antionwide due to the miniscule chance of injury. (Unless your in Leeds, then the broken glass, syringes and purposely inserted razor blades add a new edge of excitement ot the game)

Now, quite surprisingly I do like a good Christmas, from the heavily decorated tree to the copious amounts of luscious food, I enjoy watching other people prepare it all. But seriosuly, I love Christmas. I keep thinking about how things would be if I was still with the ex, I really do wish we hadn't split up, and I would have liked to have spent Christmas with her. But things happen I suppose. I have been talking to this French girl, she seems really sweet, plus when she says 'ooh la la' my knees go weak. The annoying thing is though that sweet as she is, she isn't the one im thinking of before I go to sleep. Dont know whats up with me but I will get over it soon enough.

I would like to get to know French Girl a bit better, she seems really sweet and funny, but I get the feeling that it wouldn't work out. Her english while good is not 100%, and my Yorksherian can be hard to understand even for born and bred Englishme.. English People. The problem is though I slipped past what is best called 'single mode' and went straight into Bachelor mode. This meant my room became unsuitable to bring any woman back to, even missus claus, a woman who has lived the last 1000 years on brandy and mince pies, would be loathe to touch me in my current squallid apartment. In otherwords my room is now definately a place that is 'lived in', by the looks of it by several homeless persons.

What doesn't make it any better is that I cannot tidy it up due to crippling myself in a football game (Quite a violent injury, need an MRI scan and with be on cripple sticks for the next 2 monthsish) This means that even if I do make a move on the Cute French Girl (CFG) I will be unable to bring her back to mine.

Just to top matters off I realised today my mum who had kindly given me several bottles of coe and lemonade also put in the bag a bottle of milk, a gass bottle, with a tin foil cap.

Needless to say when I lifted the bag up today after a week of it stewing in my room what could be kindly referred to as cheese and water fell through the bottom of the bag and onto me. Tonights fantastic activities will include such magnificent events such as scrubbing, scrubbing and showering.

13 December 2007

So samurai swords have been banned.

This kind of annoys me, especially when I read two things.

Home Office Minister Vernon Coaker said: "Public safety is our greatest priority. Samurai sword crime is low in volume, but high in profile and I recognise it can have a devastating impact in the wrong hands."

So first things first, he admits samurai sword crimes are low volume, infact incredibly low volume compared to other weapon crimes which account for tens of thousands for EACH weapon per year. Samurai swords comparatively are owned by more people than dangerous knives, and there have only been 80 crimes in what can only be quoted by the press as 'recent years' which leads me to believe this is a shadow word for a number so high the press don't want to talk about it. Most probably because the number would both embarrass them and make the story seem irrelevant.

"An estimated 80 attacks involving cheap, imitation samurai swords have been recorded in recent years, and at least six people have died in those incidents."

Again with the misleading text, a least 6 people? please as if you would put such an exact number if you did not know the figures. SIX people have died. Talk about blatant propaganda.

Obviously I would prefer this number to be lower, but I doubt the kind of person who would commit this kind of crime would be deterred by not having the sword. Lets face it. If a man would go after someone with a samurai sword he is just as likely to do it with a kitchen knife or a hammer. This law is just another red tape infringement that has been put in place purely so some political knob cheese has some 'cause' to give him some publicity.

I hate the fucking self obsessed, self righteous and self promoting fuckwits who are in charge of this country. All politicians should be removed and replaced with people from the various working classes. I don't see how somebody can only ever be trained in politics and expect to have any possible kind of view of the world.

Instead they work off pure statistics, which while useful should only ever be used as an aid. Statistics are very rarely 100% accurate, especially when you have a myriad of government layers adjusting how they are portrayed to make themselves look better.

The result of following our current path has left us with few real people in our supposed leadership. They have destroyed our benefits system, catering it to the dole scroungers rather than using it as a system to help people get back into work. They are slowly removing benefits that were once intrinsic to British life, even the NHS is now turning into a farce, when once it was a highlight of the British power. They constantly chase minor unimportant issues, despite the fact our country is on the brink of a severe economic depression, all so each man can one up the others for some minor semblance of power.

We need a new party.

12 December 2007

Congratulations Perverts

I have literally pulled in 12 visits from the perverts looking for 'Two Vaginas'

Congratulations you twisted sick fuck, while you may glorify in your perverse fucked up fantasies you have been fooled!

There are no pictures of women with extra orifices here, infact there are not even pictures of single vaginas (Though I have been tempted to add some)

So to all you deformation loving wankers I raise my middle finger at you.

10 December 2007

EU Quizes women on their personal sex life.

I have just read this story.

I personally like this new EU policy to quiz all women on their sexual history. Think of the benefits if this information became freely available!

You are out for the night, you meet a girl, and with mobile t'interweb you could find out what your chances of getting lucky where instantly!

Then on the other hand you have relationships, is your girlfriend a slut, has she been shagging about or is she infact a lesbian?

All these questions and more could be answered, if this comes to a vote im so putting my name down for yes.


So I have injured myself again playing football this year, not an auspicios start I have to admit.

This time it is my knee, the basic problem is the bottom part of my leg was pulled about an inch away from the top part of my leg, stretching the ligament and pulling a sizable chunk of bone off my knee. It hurt a bit. For those who know their knees, the Ligament was the Medial Collateral Ligament, found on the side of the knee facing my other leg.

The NHS strapped it up and advised me to wait a week and a half for a consultant. I know people who have had similar injuries, mostly from rugby, around 40 years ago and said the NHS would ahve instantly screwed the bone into teh correct position in those days. This time around however I will have to have the bone knocked off where it has started to heal (In the wrong place) If they think its worth ioperating on at all when they could leave me with a servicable, but incredibly weak knee, causing problems for the rest of my life.

In with the Works Private Healthcare Scheme!

Have to figure out the basics and then see if i can get my claim made, I will most likely need an operation along with shed loads of physio.

The worst part of all this is twofold, first I missed an opportunity for drinks with this cute french lass I met, dont think im ready for another relationship just yet, but it would be nice to know the opportunity was there.

The second part is my snowboarding trip to Andora is most definately off. I cannot at this moment in time lift my leg, since I would be steering normally with this appendage chance are slim that I would successfuly navigate a mountain.

I was thinking I could have got some work done while I was off on sick leave trying to get my leg to heal a bit, thsi was stopped by three major things, my inabilty to stay out of bed, pain and most importantly the painkillers, which are most fantastic in their ability to numb my brain, leaving me with a Paris Hilton like view on the world around me.

03 December 2007

To Bomb or Not to Bomb, That is the Question.

I was just posting a comment on Mr Angry's (Real name of Kennith me thinks) blog about the whole teacher prisoned for naming a teddybear mohammed fiasco. Personally I dont see what the problem is, the woman is bloody ugly, She should be locked up for failing to get plastic surgery at the age of 12.

But as I went to post about possible bomb threats against Mr A I realised something. In a moment of pure genius I realised how we could end the threat of mombs and suicide bombs in the Uk.

Yes thats right, an end to global terrorism from islamic militants. Simply affix statues, images
or similar to your house and any possible threat will be removed.

After all if someone blows up the image of mohammed they will be commiting sacrelige, which means no heaven, women (Virgins or otherwise). Where once htey would have gone to heavena martyr they will now be cast down into hell as a destroyer of belief.

Feel free to bow down to my genius now, while affixing a mohammed statue to your posterior to avoid any angry bomber taking advantage of worship of false idols.