31 July 2006

Weekend Randomness

Well my weekend of all work and no play turned into a day of work (while slightly drunk) and two nights of getting absolutely sloshed, how sloshed? Flares, Reflex, Ziggies and the gallery all in one night, after shots pints and bottles in Yates's, Evil Eyeand a few other random boozers.

All in all a good night, friday was just getting mashed in a couple of pubs.

But for now I need to answer the following question, knowing the terrible state of my bank account, the fact im working over the weekend, and that I was feeling quite ill, WHY CANT I ONLY STAY OUT FOR A COUPLE!

28 July 2006

Subway Staff The Slow, The Speedy and the Sexy

I have been eating subway quite a lot recently, the fact that subway is infact proably the healthiest regular meal I have should tell you a lot about my life. Subway has always been one of my favorite fast foods, Meatball Marinara for cold weather, Italian BMT For summer, and loadsa variations to keep things interesting. I always worry about the staff though, some seem to have no idea of how to make a sandwich, and when I did that I soon formed three catagories in which to fit Subway workers.

The Slow:

These ones tend to have to ask you everything twice, always cock up your sandwich and occasionally seem to wipe their nose absentmindedly jsut efore picking out the lettuce for you.

The Speedy:

What you always hope for, fast efficient and make a beautiful sub

The Sexy:

So damn fine you spend more time glancing at her top half than what she is making, its only till later you can figure out if she should have been in group one or two.

Have I missed anything?

27 July 2006

Quick question

On the subject of my last post I thought I would test my readers knowledge, the first person with the correct answer wins a virtual pat on the back

There was a bear photographer who left his tent and walked a mile south. He then turned and walked a mile east and turned again and walked a mile north and found himself back at his tent. He saw a bear. What colour was the bear?


I had a look on the mens website today, hoping that maybe I could find a quick resume filler and finally making use of that high IQ of mine, which does believe it or not, exist.

So I read the first paragraph of boomph abou the entry requirements

"1 in 50 people have an IQ in the top 2% that makes them eligible to join Mensa. "

I promptly left, any club of super smart people who need the fact that 1 in 50 = 2% pointing out really isnt something that I want to be a part of, begone retarded mensa.

26 July 2006

How to spend too muc money on a weekend

15+ shots of sambucca
30 + Pints
20 + Bottles
4 Random coctails
4 shots of something that the guy behind the bar has just used to blow fire out of his mouth
1 pack of paracetamol.

25 July 2006


Personally I like to improve myself, learning new things so i can make more money, with the ultimate goal of retiring at the age of 35.

Training is an obvious step for this, weer not talking a levels, degrees, crap like that. I want to go for some propper training in a project and IT management sector.

This is where it gets tricky.

Even the lowest of the respected qualifications require about 4 grand for a three day course, and unfortunately work will not be likely to shell out for this kind of training, the kind that puts me into competition is very unlikely to get approved by them, but without taking a loan out there is very little way I will be able to afford this in the near future.

Donations welcome =p

17 July 2006

Kickbacks & 100th Post!

First things first, this is my 100th post, never before would I have imagined I could write so much useless shite. unlike some other bloggers however I will not post my landmark post just about the fact it is my 100th post, I will write a bit about my office life.

One of the perks of my job is that I do get occasional perks when dealing with my suppliers.
Last week I got a box of quality street, a big one at that, next week im expecting chocolates and champagne. Personally I don't see anything wrong with this, it doesn't change my opinion or decision making, but it is nice to know that suppliers are willing to go that extra length to get on your good side.

However there is a downside, in office life there is always that level of competitiveness and sniping that comes with the office culture being dominated by psychopaths. I personally tend to avoid this, I fly on the straight and narrow, im honest with people, and it doesn't always work in my favour.
Unfortunately it doesn't stop people picking up on the gifts I receive, and spreading the word that I receive kickbacks. I think this is not only the wrong term, but a much dirtier term for the gifts I receive. I would class a kickback as a large gift that I received for choosing a supplier, them wining a bid, getting money, and giving me a cut of that. I don't see how a box of roses or similar will make me change a decision that would cost the company money, especially when I try to keep up an effective reputation to increase my pay packet.

What would your opinion be from the outside looking in?

14 July 2006

Homeopathic Danger

I personally am pretty open minded, and think that if homeopathic medicine works at least as a placebo it can only be a good thing, however, in some cases I think its best to stick with what has been medically proven.

So when I read This I was quite worried that homeopathic practitioners where suggesting that people dont take anti malaria tablets, they have nsty side effects, instead try a homeopathic remedy!

Of course the great thing is if homeopathic remedies for serious illness dont work, what makes them work for minor ailments?

Personally I think these homeopathic 'practitioners' are obviously making a quick buck out of some of these people, and in cases such as this I would expect the people who suffered, as giving false medical advice knowingly is infact a crime.

The BBC investigated this and put the following quote on their site,

"The doctors have this big fear thing about malaria... obviously it is a nasty thing, but actually, as I say, you can prevent it with the remedies and as you say the tablets are really horrible. They're very nasty, have nasty side effects, and I've seen quite a lot of patients who have had serious problems from them."

Ok, from a salesmans point of view here is what I see,

They have dumbed down maleria, made it seem insignificant so that people will focus on what the Homeopathic Practitioner (HP) wants, the sentance also dumbs down the doctor, making them seem like liars, or even salesmen, trying to get you to use their product.

The repetition of the word nasty 3 times in the paragraph relating to the conventional malaria drug, this is a technique often used, repetition of words with negative connotations used in relation to a competitors products is a trick often used by advertisers.

The HP Claims that she has seen many many problems with the conventional medicine, again straongly suggesting the client finds something else.

Infact the only time the Homeopathic remedy is mentioned is in passing, this is a typical subliminal technique used by salesman as it makes the client think of homeopathic remedies positively, and then since the HP hasnt yet properly mentioned the Homeopathic solution I think it would be the Client who mentions using Homeopathic drugs.

This instantly means that the client is asking for something, so the HP can make it seem like the client has just had a brilliant idea.

I think the whole use of this obvious salesman technique in a medical profession is a disgrace, and defiantely grounds for a few lawsuits.

Are any of you users of homeopathic remedies?

12 July 2006

How Not To Wash Clothes

Ive developed a little problem, that I intend to fix tonight.

Basically when i do my washing i have a tendancy to forget about it till 4 or 5 hours later. I will tehn remember, put the crumpled heap into the drier and then proceed to forget about it again.

The end result? Clothes that take about 5 frigging hours to iron >.< (picked the >.< up from somewhere & now cant stop doing it, i blame the lass from doncaster)


This lunchtime I went into my local newsagents and bought a scratchcard, I only get these once in a blue moon but do seem to have an ability to win fivers of them.I scratch off the first two panels, both are £100,000. Someone not used to scratchcards and their evilness would be excited by this, i thought id lost. I scratch the third panel, and, at nearly heart attack excitement THERE WAS ANOTHER £100,000. This was, fora split second one of the best moments in my life, till i realised that the dear old lady behind the counter was laughing her head off.

She then proceeds to tell me that was a fake one... a FAKE. I was just stood there, broken hearted while the old innocent pure evil lady hands me a real one. Think the old lady/devil on tenatious d's tribute at the end of the video for it.

I won a fiver, wiped the smile off her face >.<

11 July 2006

Timekeeping shot

Ive been late to work the last two days, not too professional!

First time was due to forgetting to put my alarm clock on, todays was due to me losing track of time going for a jog do'h.

But back to blogging,

I am a huge fan of Mr Angry's Blog he generally has funny posts and all, plus he seems to attract the young female sex bloggers like theirs no tomorrow. Whereas I dont go into much detail in my blog (because it is not really an anominess blog, a lot of my mates read it as well, could not introduce them to such filth tut tut) bloggers such as NF Girl do seem to go into great depth, instantly making me want to travel down south, where most of the 'personal' bloggers seem to come from.

I have however come across Pimp My Blogger who regularly comments on Angry's site, and I am slightly worried by two facts.

1) I cant work out if its a bloke or lass, i would check profiles but im way too lazy for that.
2) He/She seems to post wayyy to much about Angry, seemingly at the request of Ellie (who also puts the occasional naughty bit of information into her blog)

Just so she doesnt feel left out, and because her blog can also be Damn funny, Katie Newtons blog is a good visit though it rarely mentions sex.

I also read this punk blokes blog, he seemed like a decent geezer, and whos posts made me burst out laughing in the office, however I cant remember who it was, ahhh well.

(PS. This is the closest to a blogroll that I will ever be arsed to do in the near future)

10 July 2006

Time Flies

I had a three day weekend this week, however it felt like a day!

The red hot chilli peppers were, as expected, fantastic.

The girl I fell for now has another boyfriend, not going to hurt her again so im going to trty and keep out of her way from now on.

Nuff said.

On a smiilar note, there is a girl from leicester who I have known, and felt a lot for over nearly 5 years, we both know nothing will happen as we live too far apart, but I cant help but want to be with her, fool I am. Worst thing is she feels the same way and wants to cut off contact because of the way she feels.

I really dont want this to happen, I like her a lot and would rather have her as a friend than not at all.

06 July 2006


Im off to see the Red Hot Chilli Peppers tonight in sheffield, therefore I p0w\ you all, get over it.

05 July 2006


Still not done the urine thing so I went to the local chemists today,

I walked through the door and was immediately struck by the 'league of gentlemanesque' look of the place, in the end though I ahve to say it veered to more little britain humour.

I start looking around and this woman comes upto me and asks if she can help, shes short, round, so round that spherical would be the best word. So yeah I tell the spherical woman that I was looking for a pack of strepsils.

Then she goes


"We haveee..
lemsip, there good arnt they, i dont like the lavour though,
Halls soothers too, theyre nice and sweet, match a sweet young man like yourself"

May I note that at this point if she had infact nudged me I would have ran out of the shop. I started to press the point that I was looking for strepsils, and did they have any?

"Oooo strepsils, we also have lemsip and ha.."

I interrupt again, ahh so you do have the strepsils!, thats great, where are they?

So she takes me over, and starts pointing them all out,

"hereee we aree"
"We have lemsip and halls and beechams and anusol, thats for heamoroids or piles (She points out) or benylin.... ahh here we are! Right inforont of me!"

Then, believe it or not,

"We have orange or citrus or honey and lemon or.."

"Il take the orange please!"

I practically shout this, but im ill and geting harrased by an oversized beachball.

Whats the point of al this you may ask...

Always go to fucking boots, they may not give a toss about you, but at least they do it quietly!

In other news, I have infact practically lost my voice, this is making life difficult at work, when I have to for instance, ring people.

04 July 2006

Registering with a new doctor.

Last night I went to register with a new doctor, im still feeling ill and my throat kills, so I thought I might as well get it over and done with.

So I walk down to the surgery, its a pleasant stroll, weathers lovely and the doctors looks fairly good, professional and everything. The building is an old Victorian style place, not the kind out of horror movies, it just looks swanky!

I go and talk to the receptionist, she seems really friendly and hands me two forms for registration. The first form is easy enough, date of birth, previous doctor etc, the second one is slightly more difficult, it informs me to provide a urine sample, with a big square besides it. Did she want me to piss accurately into that square?

So I go back and ask for a sample bottle, informing her that I may go and do this part of the form at home, I need to go find out which injections I'd had anyway.

How the fuck am I meant to piss in a bottle that's about the length and width of my thumb? I mean, il piss, itl overflow, itl cover my hands, if theres enough pressure it could go ANYWHERE kinda when you try fill a coke bottle with a tap, I used to make quite a mess in the kitchen and REALLY don't wont to make the same kind of mess with my 'sample taking'

Ideas anyone? (I have already heard the use a jug and fill it from their idea, I think I would fill the jug before I had finished peeing, although a plus point would be the ability to offer the jug of 'apple juice' to people who are not so near and dear to my hearts, they can keep the jug, its not something I would want to use, see or contemplate again.

03 July 2006

Flag Burning

As you should know by now, all you regular readers of my blog..

Ok, I'll start again.

I am a big fan of dilbert, and the Scott Adams blog, and the most recent contraversial topic is the new law they are trying to bring into place for the burning of the american flag.

Personally I can see why people get upset about flag burning, but banning flag burning?

This kinda reminds me about an old law in the uk, so old in fact that most people dont even know it exists.

An old guy in North Yorkshire (a County in England, Counties are kinda like states but smaller) Was taken to court because he put a Yorkshire flag up in his garden. Apparently this is Illegal in our country, you are not allowed to raise your counties flag on your property, this is a law that was raised hundereds of years ago, when there was still feuding, and yet the council thought it appropriate to threaten some old guy who was infact supporting his local cricket team?


I think the new American law is a hge insight into the current American Governments priorities, or a devious attempt to focus the public on something other than their poor healthcare system, floundering economy, poorly rated education system and so on. I think the US Gov'nt should spend a bit more time focusing on the real problems and a bit less time on the destruction of cloth with certain designs.