21 January 2008

Office Worker Ranks

I was looking at what people searched for on my website today and noticed that I still have a relatively high number of stalkers searching my email address, please leave.

I also saw that somebody searched for 'ranks of office workers'

This I thought was not a bad question.

So now I will compile a list of office worker ranks from the ground up.

Tea boy/ Rent boy.

Lowest of the low, this poor sod has left school and entered into the world of the office, he gets berated for his lack of skills, age and experience, not to mention facial hair.

Data Inputters

These sad bastards have to input data from one various form to another. In some cases this means a day of copying and pasting from emails. I know, I've been there.

Service Desk

Wether it be IT or support these guys have to deal with shite day in and day out from the entire company. The job does however have some interesting perks. These guys can mess with head, exagerate problems, delete vital data and tel you to reboot your machine. Don't get on the wrong side of these sly dogs.


These are the guys who have a bit more know how, they have worked in the company for a while and not progressed, their knowledge is invaluable though. You will find a fair few middle aged people in this situation who really should have moved on.

Team Leaders.

They think they have power.


They hold the money and are good with numbers. There will always be one fit bird in the finance team who will be lusted after by the majority of the other blokes around her.


These guys wear the slick suits and sort out your day to day life, ensuring you are a happy productive person. Failing that they will ignore the problem completely. These are the guys you turn to when you need corporate support, therefore their schedule is always fully booked with meetings and training sessions which keep them a safe distance from their lackeys.

Project Managers

These guys ensure they always have a job to do by making things as complicated as possible. They will then ensure the company processes fuck up before deciding the previous system was probably the best after all.


They pay you. They always have the nicest desks, hottest women and unattainable success. These people are untouchable.

Upper Management.

They take simplified data form the management team and change it till it makes them look good. This is then passed upto teh directors.

The Directors.

Use the reports to wipe the anal cavities of the flying monkeys they use to communicate. They then continue to make the changes that affect their stock in the best way.


Listens to the directors complaining about their measly 50 grand pay increases and then jumps on a plane to Barbados for a fling with Jennifer Ellison and Kelly Brook

The Non Executive Directors

While technically lower than the CEO and on a par with Directors. The difference is these guys work 5 days out of the year and get paid an obscene amount. Life of bloody luxury.

1 comment:

Brennig said...

Ah, I see why the fuckups occur. There's no analysts in your office hierarchy. :-)