Gun - Word Up

Gun's version of Word up has to be one of my favorite songs ever.

I dont know why, summit about the energy behind it MAKES YOU Aair Guiter.

Check out the Youtube vid

Merry Christmas!

Well I hope you all had a good Christmas!

Mine was unfortunately lacking in alcohol, but that is the price I pay for not having legs of pure iron.

My presents were rather random. I'm not sure what logic was behind the blender, but I am sure future vodka and fruit related hilarities will ensue shortly.

Work is at its best around thsi time of year, come in late, leave early, take an extended lunch. Not surprisingly with this relaxed working environment I get twice as much done, as opposed to when I roll out of bed while its dark, feel like shite all day then go and drink myself into a recuperative stupor on a night.

I was talking to the woman from france the other night, she is pretty funny and I get on with her pretty well. My flat mates responses to this news were along the lines of -

'when are you going to fuck her'
'dont talk about deciding whether you like her or not and fuck her already'

I really do need to regain some state of manliness back, I might ahve to give some of my old fuck buddies a call.

Will see how it goes with the french girl first though, when she says oo la la My libido goes into overdrive.

Facebook!

Facebook seems to be a hot topic, so I thoght I would jump on the bandwagon and write a quick post about it.

I have to admit I am addicted to facebook. I keep finding old mates from my past who I have lost touch with over the years, have had a few drinking sessions with people who I ahve not seen in years and have been able to laugh as some of the more docile of my aged school friends have managed to get some bird pregnant and are living in a council estate somewhere.

There is a dark side though, I do have a couple of random people who keep trying to add me, and it gets worse.

Ugly people.

I have had a worrying number of ugly people add me as friends recently, while I have nothing particular against these uggos it leaves me in the unfortunate position of looking like I associate with these people.

I am a surprisingly caring man, but if being associated with these uggos makes a fit woman deem me too lowly for her standards im gonna delete them faster than a cheetah on cocaine.

It seems

It looks like my Ex has fallen for someone else. A bit of a ball ache to put it bluntly.

It's strange that I have moved through life barely caring for other people, most of my previous girlfriends have been flashes in the pan, I got bored quickly and got shot.

Then along comes this Aussie girl, I dont know what it was about her. I loved her for exactly who she was. She wasn't perfect, she was better than perfect, she wasnt the prettiest, but she was the most beautiful.

And due to my own fuck up its all over.

She also seems to have turned me into a big girl.

Merry Festive Season

So another Chr... festive season is upon us. Due to the possibility of offending some people with the mere mention of the word Christmas I have received several cards this year, most of them no more christmassy than 'seasons greetings'. This bloody annoys me because Christmas is a very British thing. The turkey the tree and the uneaten sprouts are a mainstay of Brisish culture, and it is a shame to see PC madness remove them from our life.

Not to mention we are now having to deal with snowpeople being made in the street, songs such as White Christmas being branded racially insensitive (usually by white people) and snowball fights being banned by schools antionwide due to the miniscule chance of injury. (Unless your in Leeds, then the broken glass, syringes and purposely inserted razor blades add a new edge of excitement ot the game)

Now, quite surprisingly I do like a good Christmas, from the heavily decorated tree to the copious amounts of luscious food, I enjoy watching other people prepare it all. But seriosuly, I love Christmas. I keep thinking about how things would be if I was still with the ex, I really do wish we hadn't split up, and I would have liked to have spent Christmas with her. But things happen I suppose. I have been talking to this French girl, she seems really sweet, plus when she says 'ooh la la' my knees go weak. The annoying thing is though that sweet as she is, she isn't the one im thinking of before I go to sleep. Dont know whats up with me but I will get over it soon enough.

I would like to get to know French Girl a bit better, she seems really sweet and funny, but I get the feeling that it wouldn't work out. Her english while good is not 100%, and my Yorksherian can be hard to understand even for born and bred Englishme.. English People. The problem is though I slipped past what is best called 'single mode' and went straight into Bachelor mode. This meant my room became unsuitable to bring any woman back to, even missus claus, a woman who has lived the last 1000 years on brandy and mince pies, would be loathe to touch me in my current squallid apartment. In otherwords my room is now definately a place that is 'lived in', by the looks of it by several homeless persons.

What doesn't make it any better is that I cannot tidy it up due to crippling myself in a football game (Quite a violent injury, need an MRI scan and with be on cripple sticks for the next 2 monthsish) This means that even if I do make a move on the Cute French Girl (CFG) I will be unable to bring her back to mine.

Just to top matters off I realised today my mum who had kindly given me several bottles of coe and lemonade also put in the bag a bottle of milk, a gass bottle, with a tin foil cap.

Needless to say when I lifted the bag up today after a week of it stewing in my room what could be kindly referred to as cheese and water fell through the bottom of the bag and onto me. Tonights fantastic activities will include such magnificent events such as scrubbing, scrubbing and showering.

So samurai swords have been banned.

This kind of annoys me, especially when I read two things.

Home Office Minister Vernon Coaker said: "Public safety is our greatest priority. Samurai sword crime is low in volume, but high in profile and I recognise it can have a devastating impact in the wrong hands."

So first things first, he admits samurai sword crimes are low volume, infact incredibly low volume compared to other weapon crimes which account for tens of thousands for EACH weapon per year. Samurai swords comparatively are owned by more people than dangerous knives, and there have only been 80 crimes in what can only be quoted by the press as 'recent years' which leads me to believe this is a shadow word for a number so high the press don't want to talk about it. Most probably because the number would both embarrass them and make the story seem irrelevant.

"An estimated 80 attacks involving cheap, imitation samurai swords have been recorded in recent years, and at least six people have died in those incidents."

Again with the misleading text, a least 6 people? please as if you would put such an exact number if you did not know the figures. SIX people have died. Talk about blatant propaganda.

Obviously I would prefer this number to be lower, but I doubt the kind of person who would commit this kind of crime would be deterred by not having the sword. Lets face it. If a man would go after someone with a samurai sword he is just as likely to do it with a kitchen knife or a hammer. This law is just another red tape infringement that has been put in place purely so some political knob cheese has some 'cause' to give him some publicity.

I hate the fucking self obsessed, self righteous and self promoting fuckwits who are in charge of this country. All politicians should be removed and replaced with people from the various working classes. I don't see how somebody can only ever be trained in politics and expect to have any possible kind of view of the world.

Instead they work off pure statistics, which while useful should only ever be used as an aid. Statistics are very rarely 100% accurate, especially when you have a myriad of government layers adjusting how they are portrayed to make themselves look better.

The result of following our current path has left us with few real people in our supposed leadership. They have destroyed our benefits system, catering it to the dole scroungers rather than using it as a system to help people get back into work. They are slowly removing benefits that were once intrinsic to British life, even the NHS is now turning into a farce, when once it was a highlight of the British power. They constantly chase minor unimportant issues, despite the fact our country is on the brink of a severe economic depression, all so each man can one up the others for some minor semblance of power.

We need a new party.

Congratulations Perverts

I have literally pulled in 12 visits from the perverts looking for 'Two Vaginas'

Congratulations you twisted sick fuck, while you may glorify in your perverse fucked up fantasies you have been fooled!

There are no pictures of women with extra orifices here, infact there are not even pictures of single vaginas (Though I have been tempted to add some)

So to all you deformation loving wankers I raise my middle finger at you.

EU Quizes women on their personal sex life.

I have just read this story.

I personally like this new EU policy to quiz all women on their sexual history. Think of the benefits if this information became freely available!

You are out for the night, you meet a girl, and with mobile t'interweb you could find out what your chances of getting lucky where instantly!

Then on the other hand you have relationships, is your girlfriend a slut, has she been shagging about or is she infact a lesbian?

All these questions and more could be answered, if this comes to a vote im so putting my name down for yes.

Ouch

So I have injured myself again playing football this year, not an auspicios start I have to admit.

This time it is my knee, the basic problem is the bottom part of my leg was pulled about an inch away from the top part of my leg, stretching the ligament and pulling a sizable chunk of bone off my knee. It hurt a bit. For those who know their knees, the Ligament was the Medial Collateral Ligament, found on the side of the knee facing my other leg.

The NHS strapped it up and advised me to wait a week and a half for a consultant. I know people who have had similar injuries, mostly from rugby, around 40 years ago and said the NHS would ahve instantly screwed the bone into teh correct position in those days. This time around however I will have to have the bone knocked off where it has started to heal (In the wrong place) If they think its worth ioperating on at all when they could leave me with a servicable, but incredibly weak knee, causing problems for the rest of my life.

In with the Works Private Healthcare Scheme!

Have to figure out the basics and then see if i can get my claim made, I will most likely need an operation along with shed loads of physio.

The worst part of all this is twofold, first I missed an opportunity for drinks with this cute french lass I met, dont think im ready for another relationship just yet, but it would be nice to know the opportunity was there.

The second part is my snowboarding trip to Andora is most definately off. I cannot at this moment in time lift my leg, since I would be steering normally with this appendage chance are slim that I would successfuly navigate a mountain.

I was thinking I could have got some work done while I was off on sick leave trying to get my leg to heal a bit, thsi was stopped by three major things, my inabilty to stay out of bed, pain and most importantly the painkillers, which are most fantastic in their ability to numb my brain, leaving me with a Paris Hilton like view on the world around me.

To Bomb or Not to Bomb, That is the Question.

I was just posting a comment on Mr Angry's (Real name of Kennith me thinks) blog about the whole teacher prisoned for naming a teddybear mohammed fiasco. Personally I dont see what the problem is, the woman is bloody ugly, She should be locked up for failing to get plastic surgery at the age of 12.

But as I went to post about possible bomb threats against Mr A I realised something. In a moment of pure genius I realised how we could end the threat of mombs and suicide bombs in the Uk.

Yes thats right, an end to global terrorism from islamic militants. Simply affix statues, images
or similar to your house and any possible threat will be removed.

After all if someone blows up the image of mohammed they will be commiting sacrelige, which means no heaven, women (Virgins or otherwise). Where once htey would have gone to heavena martyr they will now be cast down into hell as a destroyer of belief.

Feel free to bow down to my genius now, while affixing a mohammed statue to your posterior to avoid any angry bomber taking advantage of worship of false idols.

Wonderbra Girl vs Cadburries Gorrila on Youtube (You Tube)

A mate of mine sent me this on You Tube, yu have to have seen the gorilla ad from cadburies to get the joke, but if you havn't, well the girls damn hot anyway!



Out of the two I have to pick the wonderbra girl, thak you Youtube for the joys you bring!


youtube

In Sickness and in Health

Well it's officially christmas, half the office of sick, the other half is on holiday. This means that I am left here sat at my desk on my own.

Anyone else would have gone home hours ago, or probably just not come in at all. But I am dedicated, industrious and what else was it, ah yes, stupid.

I have a bit of a cold at the moment, not really enough to qualify going off sick, but it seems to be what everyone else has and THEY have taken it off, the day that is. So when should you call in sick?

Personally I think its when you know you feel too ill, when you will just be sat at the office all day wishing you where in bed and no doing much in the way of work. The chances are if you go to work while you are ill you will pass the illness on to at least 2 more people, one of those will take the next day of fthe other one will come to work, then there will be two of you infecting two more people, and so it continues.

Recently a wave of gastroenteritis has hit York.

If you dont know what gastroenteritis is let me explain, firstly it is not a specific disease. It does basically mean stomach infection. There are bad ones though.

Take the Terminator films.

In the first film you had Arnie, slow, but unstoppable and slightly painful when he tried to act. This is your normal run of the mill stomach bug.

Then you have the third Terminator, actually no make that the second. While the third one does send you all around the toilets Gastro is not quite so hot naked. Take the second film. The evil guy in that was much stronger, survives pretty much everything you throw at it and beats the fucking crap out of you.

While he did not make anusses (anii?) feel raw in the film he did look a little bit camp in my eyes, you never know I guess.

So when I had gastroenteritis earlier this year I felt fully justified in taking the time of work, it is a highly comunicable disease and several times i was doubled up in pain due to stomach cramps. Doesnt look too professional in the old office.

Foie Gras Campaigners

Hypocracy is incredibly prevailent in todays soft touch society. Most recently it seems to have come to the fore in York. Certain Foie Gras Campaigners have been fighting to stop the product being sold in York, desptite their best efforts they are failing because of an EU law preventing bans on imports and exports.

Thank Fuck

What really gets me is they are trying to prevent our decision to eat what we want, a purely fascist move. They then go on to complain about how WE oppress THEM by complaining about their protests. They then go on to calling us fascists, despite they are the ones trying to confine the majorities eating habbits.

This really fucking annoys me.

So how has this come about?

Its the simple fact that most of these protesters have never seen a farm, they have never spent 2 hours chasing around chicken (which are deviously cunning and also, surprisingly, can fight back)

They do not infact have any idea about life on a farm, how animals respond to life on the farm, or even how they are treated. Instead all they are given is heap upon heap of propaganda by the animal rights campaigners, usually with pictures from a one off farm that is run poorly. While animal rights campainers claim several closed farms as victories over ill treatment of animals. The truth of the matter is that most farms that mistreat animals, especially in the foie gras industry where the health of the animals is more fragile, close down anyway.

All businesses need to make money, the figures the animal right groups quote go as high as 20x the fatality rate of other farms. After a quick look at the normal fatality rate on farms you would be looking at 4 out of 5 animals dieing before they reach maturity. No business could survive on these odds.

The fact that they are going for a soft target such as foie gras just to give themselves ane go boost really fucking annoys me.

Two Vaginas

I have noticed a worrying trend while analysing my web stats. I have a consistent, regular and all over worryingly high number of visitors who search for phrases including the words 'three testicles' This is most likely to do with my post entitled Il have kidney, liver and three testicals.

Therefore I have decided to name this post Two Vaginas, im not fussy about the kind of visitors I receive at the moment, hell ild just be happy to receive a visitor. So to the sick bastard who is hoping for a mutated woman who could quite possibly be on the blob for TWO WEEKS! out of the month, you have been mislead into increasing my hit count by one, I think I speak for all when I say Mwoahaahahahaha.

In other news I have been off alcohol for two weeks now with only two exceptions. First off was the success of our pub quiz team, this entitled each of our members to a free pint, huzzah. No man could turn this down.

The second was when my flat mate snuck some vodka into my coke, I thought it tasted funny. I think he wanted to get me relaxed a bit for introduction to one of his, admittedly quite fit mates, unfortunately im still reeling from the break up of a 7 month relationship. This left me not really wanting to be chatting up the girl and completely lacking in my random patter which is the staple base of any good chat up. She had a cute brunette mate though, much more my type at the moment, I went off the dolled up look a long time ago.

It seems kind of weird. I used to love the long legged blondes, would chase them to hell and back. This lasted so long that even now when people ask what kind of girls I like, my automatic reaction is just to say tall blondes. This was a bit of a sticking point with me and my ex, I told her blondes, just when she asked I replied automatically, and how do you change your mind on a subject like that with your then girlfriend?

She mentioned several times how she was not my type, when she infact was. Maybe I should have corrected myself, but it would have looked too much like I was schmoozing. I like women who are naturally beautiful, not dolled up, just perfect the way they are.

Although cute brunettes do do it for me. I think its the eyes, I fucking love eyes, I don't know why.

I could go into a rant similar to Jeff of coupling here, 'but I don't collect eyes, its not like I have an eye bucket or anything, that would be mental' But the fact of the matter is when I looked into my ex's eyes my heart melted. Damn im a soft touch, another casualty to the new found world of metro sexuality. Again the ex's fault, I never used to be this much of a pussy.

Think that's today's ramble over.

Footy.

So we have got knocked out of the qualifiers.

Yes England have yet again performed like utter shite in front of the whole world while playing football.

Beckham who refuses to run to a ball more than a yard away, even when he watches it sail towards him, was useless on the field since Gerrard was playing at his worst, his passes flying over their mark.

Our defence was in utter confusion and our keeper, bless him, waved the first goal in.

As the game ended the players left with not the slightest show of remorse for their horrific failure. Their inability to get us into the qualifiers should have invoked some passionate cry, a tear or at least a storming off. What happens? Nothing. No reaction, no care. Those players will now go home to their £7 million mansion, and book a 2 month vacation to a sunny island somewhere.

Croatia however seemed ecstatic. Their manager did not sit under an umbrella looking glum and protecting his hair. He jumped about, told the players what to do, shouted when they were shit. Their players where enthusiastic and energetic, running circles around our 'couldn't give a toss' team.

McLaren is taking the fall for this, don't get me wrong I believe he is a piss poor manager. However I do believe it is the fault of the FA, who in their true style of overpaid public schoolboy detached from the world politically correct wankers got rid of our good managers on fucking unrelated grounds. Venables was a fantastic leader for our team, yet he got the chop for what? being a dodgy geezer?. Glenn Hoddle expressed his personal beliefs, he gets the sac. What the fuck has his personal opinion on non football related matters got to do with his management of a football team? If Campbell hadn't had his goal disallowed against Argentina he would have been the national hero.

Yes in my opinion the people who are actually in charge should take the blame. They sit in their office on inflated salaries, completely out of touch with the nature of the game. They stopped thinking about the game, instead the wankers started following things like public perception, something that is always off the mark, think of what the government thinks our perception is and it wont take you long to realise that the FA should be managed by the fans, not a board of directors.

These twats who have softened football, helped in making the slightest touch a foul, removed the best management because they have controversial views on subjects nothing to do with football (Not their place) and seem intent on destroying football in the cause of making money should in my opinion be removed from the game.

My boss had a brilliant idea. Take the money out of football.

If everyone stopped supporting the major teams and started watching lower league football the FA would son be out of cash.

Don't watch the games, don't visit the clubs.

It wont take long for the 'big money' clubs to lose out, lose the highly paid 'don't give a shit' players and bring in the players with vision, those who are passionate about playing for their club and for their country. Bring back the game where people are playing for their city rather than playing for the cash.

Theres not much I can do, I support Leeds so its not exactly a big money club, more like a minus money club. But would anyone from the big money clubs be willing to boycott their team for the good of the sport?

Coffee Dilema

I get the feeling I am becoming paranoid.

Im sure when I first started working in an office machine cups of coffee where at least mildly satisfying. You could smell the sweet aroma of caffine, the froth was a light dusting over the top .

Now however the cups seem smaller, the froth fills nearly a quater of the cup and instead of caffine all that can be smelt as an acrid chemically smell, mixed slightly with the cheapened burning plastic.

Of course its not surprising, and maybe its not just paranoia. Tighter financial constraints, some suppliers offering cheaper and cheaper dispensable coffee as the cut costs everywhere.

In 3 years time it will be a small cup with a drop of coffee scented water in the bottom.

Moving On

I have had some trouble getting over the relationship. Its not been easy to get a girl out of my head who was part of my life for nearly 8 months (On and off)

I wish it had not ended, it was partly my fault, I took what I heard too much at face value.

I wish we could get back together, but it couldn't happen. She wants to leave York now, shes told her company she is looking for a new job somewhere else. I would need to spend more time with her, to know that we could go somewhere and not break up over something stupid in a whole new place.

I would have moved to be with her.

I wont move to lose her and all my friends.

Its been a weird week, I've not been drinking, coffee has been off but (drinking) cokes replaced beer.

The best I can do is move on, not to another relationship just yet, but back to a normal life.

I will miss her, how she felt in my arms, her cheeky smile and her beautiful eyes. She had a personality spot on for who I wanted. I felt right with her.

Eventually I will find someone else, I dont know who or when but wounds heal as time passes. I wont

Another Update

Just for my occasional readers.

I am now single, Me and the ex are not on bad terms but there were problems which drove an irreversable gap between our relationship.

Due to getting depressed, dull and boring after having a couple of pints, not helped by the recent bout of gastroenteitis, I have quite the booze for a few weeks. I recon giving my liver a few weeks to recover cant be a bad thing. I was on a 2 can minimum on a night plus 2-3 weekly binges.

I have been working on another of my projects, http://www.thisisaffiliate.com with its subdomain http://affiliatetools.thisisaffiliate.com

Im back playing football, missed it quite a lot so im glad to be back on the field.

Im off to Andora for a week in January, I cant really afford it but might as well while im young.

While in Andora I will be learning to snowboard, I will be doing this in the time honoured way of getting a lift to the top of a mountain and flinging myself down it. I could have gone skiing, but I want to try something new while im there.

I am planning to go to Munich for a week, maybe two with a trip to Berlin sometime during summer. Munich has got to be one of the most fantastic cities I visited on my trip to europe so I look forward to being able to explore it fully. In preperation I have started to learn German, slowly.

Anyhow, thats my life at the moment, I wil be continuing my story of the european road trip soon, but my memory of the trip is getting a little hazy now, I might have left it too long.

Just when you thought tehy couldn't get any more stupid.

The following story was in a Manchester Newspaper

A LOTTERY scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it.

The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won.

To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a
temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game
had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.

But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.

Tina Farrell, from Levenshulme, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards.

The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a maths GCSE,

said: "On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8.

The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn't.

"I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is
higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it.

"I think Camelot are giving people the wrong impression - the card
doesn't say to look for a colder or warmer temperature, it says to look for a higher or lower number. Six is a lower number than 8. Imagine how many people have been misled."

A Camelot spokeswoman said the game was withdrawn after reports that some players had not understood the concept.

She said: "The instructions for playing the Cool Cash scratchcard are clear - and are printed on each individual card and in the game
procedures available at each retailer. However, because of the potential for player confusion we have decided to withdraw the game."

More than 15m adults in Britain have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths

Almost three times as many UK adults (15.1m) have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths - than with poor literacy skills, according to the government's Skills for Life survey.

Peter Hall, of the Association of Teachers of Mathematics, said: "The concept of minus numbers is something we would cover with 11 or 12 year olds, and we would expect them to have come across it before.

"The concept of smaller numbers is something that some people do seem to struggle with. Seven is clearly smaller than eight, so they focus on that and don't really see the minus sign. There is also a subtle difference in language between smaller - or lower - and colder. The number zero feels lower.

"There have always been some people who find numbers and basic
mathematics difficult. Maybe in the past it was less noticeable because people could find jobs they could excel in without having qualifications in maths."

I didnt believe this was a real story at first, I mean how thick must you be to realise that -6 is a higher number than -8??

Not only that but she continued to argue the point AFTER it had been explained to her, what a fucking retard. Next they will be pulling crosswords out of newspapers because the chavs answeres dont fit in the right number of white boxes.

Personally I think the national lottery is insane for pulling this game just because some peolpe don't even have the very basics of numeracy, I mean being thick is bad enough but this woman cant even count. Perhaps having a disclaimer along the lines of 'must have an IQ greater than 5 (That means not 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5) would be useful.

God I hate fucking layabout chavs.

Life So Far

Life has been a bit hectic in York recently, I have just broken up with the on again off again girlfriend for good this time. It did kind of get to me, shes a fantastic girl and all. This time however there was a difference, a friend of mine overheard a conversation by one of her mates about what Anj had been saying about the relationship. All in all it wasnt good.

On top of that I have been working tirelessly to get some new websites up and running. My current aim is to get some of my amazon stores up and running along with a few of my smaller websites to try and get a bit of residaul income through.

Good news though!

I am planning on going to Andora in January for a week for a snowboarding holiday!

My skiing skills were pretty good, unfortunately I have never snowboarded in my life. So in 2 months time im going to strap a board to my feet and chuck myself down a mountain, hopefully I wont break anything.

Just to let you know, I have just set up a Lonely Planet Guide Book store, you can take a look at http://lonelyplanet.evolutiondirectory.com

The is part of the network i am building at http://www.evolutiondirectory.com

Most recently on this network I have set up a social (not dating) website aimed at the residents of York which has taken off, If you are one of the fine england residents who lives in York and would like to meet some new people, go for a few drinks or play some sport take a look at

http://yorksocial.evolutiondirectory.com

The famous revolving self cleaning toilet seat from the road trip through Germany, ina damn funny advert

Dachau

On our last full day in Munich we decided to go to Dachau. Dachau is one of the first concentration camps used by the Nazi forces during world war 2, it was infact their 'prototype'.

When we arrived at the car park the skies were grey and rain was starting to spit upon us. A stiff breeze shook the nearby trees as we made our way to the site where an astonishing 200,000 prisoners where held, and where it is estimated that around 32,099 died there,

As we crossed the road into the path lined with poplars which thickened the oppressive atmosphere with a susurrus from the deep wind above shaking the leaves of the trees planted by the very prisoners that where liberated from the camp.

As you enter the camp you find yourself on the old marching grounds where the prisoners used to attend a role call every morning, It didnt take long to reach the barracks where you saw where the sleeping quaters for the prisoners used to stand, these had been constructed by the very prisoners that occupied them. By the time this camp was liberated nearly 1,600 prisoners where found in each building.

The amount of tragedy that had occured at this place did not really occur to me till I saw a picture, it showed one of the still standing trees beside it surrounded by decrepit prisoners, as I glanced up I saw the same building, the same tree hardly any taller.

It was not that long ago that people had lost their lives to a regeime of pure hatred.

While in Munich we learned of groups that sought to bring down the Nazi power from the inside, they tried to educate their own people about what was really happening in the war. If ever this happens again that one moment in Dachau would lend them my support.

Pictures from Europe

As promised here are some of my pictures from the Europe Road Trip, theres still a few more but I cant get them (Or the video of the revolving toilet seat) off my phone at the moment as I spilt beer on it and it no longer reads the memory card.

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/oli4uk/Europe

Two Week Road Trip Around Europe - Munich

So we leave the strasbourg/kehl border behind and head off to find somewhere to sleep, eventually we come to a service station that looks like we might not get arse raped and get ready to kip for the night. Before dropping off though I headed to the toiler.

This toilet put to shame any English facility I had ever been in, the air was fresh, the walls sparkling and the urinals lit up when you started to piss. But the most amazing thing happened when I went for a dump. After flushing the toilet something happened that I have never seen before, its simplicity and yet extravagance hypnotized me.

Let me set the scene, you are very tired, ready for bed and you go to flush. A quite electric sound humms from the water tank behind the toilet and a small part detaches itself. A small arm with a disenfectant covered spounge decends onto the part of the toilet seat closest to it. After a couple of seconds the ENTIRE TOILET SEAT rotates, ensuring every partof the seat is clean and acceptable for the next user.

Jesus I have never been so impressed with anything in my life.

The next morning we woke up, anus intact and began the trip to Munich. The trip was fairly uneventful, progress was unfortunately pretty slow due to a torrential downpour limiting our vision considerably.

Eventually we arrived in one of the more famous of German cities, Munich or Munchen in the native tongue.

Munich is a fantastic city, while we did not see it at its best due to unseasonally poor weather I fell in love with the city. From the cheap beer to the friendly people I found it hard to fault this city or the people in it. The architecture of many buildings was stunning, with their historic buildings given copious space unlike many similar places in the UK. We took a short walk through the English Gardens, A huge tract of land filled with english style foilage. Unlike many English gardens however the one in the centre of Munich comes with four huge beer gardens, a nudist area and even parts of the river where surfers can ride the current.

Our guide told us how in warmer weather the areas we passed would be thronged with people playing in the river, drinking in the spacious tree covered beer gardens and of course walking around naked. Fortunately due to the weather we avoided copious amounts of bodily hair, but rather disappointingly missed out on some of the worlds most renowned drinking areas.

We did however visit the Hofbrauhaus, this is renowned to visitors of this city, not only for its hefty steins of beef, large portions of filling food and authentic bovarian music but also for its locals, who drink here regularly and later on in teh night have a tendancy to dance on the tables and get truely wasted. The hofbrauhaus is the only place I have ever been in my life where they have a dedicated funnel type piece of apparatus specifically for people to be sick into. INterestingly they only have this in the mens... obviously the designers never went fora night out in Leeds.

The Hofbrauhaus is wher Hitler first started his campaign, though intially he was boo'd off and had glasses chucked at him this was later turned into one of his main establishments, if you look at the roof from the inside you can clearly see where the swastika were painted on the ceiling and later painted over with flags, though unfortunately still in the shape of the fallen symbol.

At our hostel (Its called the wombat hostel, would highly recommend it!) We met some fantastic people, Patrick the card genius, Eric scarily intense, think 7 minute abs off theres something about mary, Emi & Briannan (Not sure how she spelt it offhand, bloody aussies)and several other random people we played cards with. No other place was there the same kind of atmosphere as here.

At the hostel next door I vaguely remember meeting several other people, all of them seemed pretty cool, at this point however it was knocking on for 4 in the morning and I was pretty hammered.

I am hoping to go back to Munich next year, I couldn't fault it.

Changes

Since my updates have become fairly sporadic and yet I dont really want this blog to fall over I am opening my doors to a co-blogger or two.

If there is anyone out there, in the UK or otherwise who is interested in blogging, but cant quite be bothered to set one up this could be for you. If you're interested simply send me an e-mail with a story, im not sure whether il post this onto the blog for my reader(s?) to decide or choose myself!

The only rules I dictate are

- No Chavs
- No Dickheads
- No French
- You must work in a regular job, preferably office work but I would consider others.
- You should post at least once a month, any less isnt really worth it!

When you write for the blog I will not oppress any views you have on a subject, though I may argue against them if i do not agree, but it will be via the comments. The only reason I would delete a post is if i felt it would endanger the already limited popularity of my blog. I am not the kind of person to refuse someone the right to voice their opinion on any subject.

Quite possibly the most brilliant prank ever...

You have to watch this....

http://www.videosift.com/video/No-Reflection-the-most-brilliant-prank-ever

Suicide Boobs

Apparently breast implants have been directly linked to a higher suicide risk. This is not entirely surprising, women who get breast implants tend to have a much lower self esteem in any case.

Where this gets fun is that it has been suggested that women who request cosmetic surgery should be more closely watched for suicidal tendancies. In the future requesting breast implants may be the same as jumping into a straight jacket and running around London with your penis exposed singing 'come on eileen'.

Personally im not a fan of breast implants, natural is the way to go in my opinion. I have gone out with more than one girl who wanted them and the majority of those have been, to put it simply, slightly psychotic.

I do however like the fact that we have yet another example of 'minority report'esque style policing being proposed in our culture. After all taking suicidal people of the streets now may save their lives, but what if someone is wrongly diagnosed?

Of course they are not looking at instantly arresting anyone who requests implants, but they are suggesting local GPs are informed, and psychological testing and treatment being provided prior to all surgery.

Time will tell I guess.

It seems Aussies really do solve all their problems with alcohol.

"Mate, this Dunderheads only tried to top himself"

"Give him a drink, he'll be right"

----------------------

Australian doctors used an intravenous feed of vodka to keep an Italian tourist alive after he consumed large quantities of a poisonous substance.

The 24-year-old man, in an apparent bid at self-harm, had swallowed ethylene glycol, found in antifreeze, which can cause death. Doctors administered pure alcohol, the conventional antidote, but exhausted the hospital's supply.

Desperate to continue the treatment the doctors at Mackay Base Hospital in Queensland state hooked up an intravenous feed of vodka, hospital officials said.

"The patient was drip-fed about three standard drinks an hour for three days in the intensive care unit," Dr Todd Fraser said in a statement on Wednesday.

"Fortunately for him he was in a medically induced coma for a good portion of that. By the time he woke up I think his hangover would have well and truly gone," Fraser said.

"The hospital's administrators were also very understanding when we explained our reasons for buying a case of vodka."

The Italian man was treated in the hospital two months ago and has since made a successful recovery. News of his treatment was only released on Wednesday.

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Day 2 - Boulogne to Strasbourg

After waking up and vacating the weary hostel slightly late we made our way to the car, which fortunately had not been broken into. Boulogne looked a much nicer city in the soft daylight, however it was time to head off to Strasbourg, a historic city on the border of France and Germany, exactly on the border infact. Actually it s so close to the border that you can drive over a bridge in what looks like the middle of a city and suddenly find you have driven through passport control.

Strasbourg is a beautiful city, the rivers are lined with luxury boats and just over the road is the German town of Kehl, unsurprisingly similar in basic style, but still with its slight differences, for instance I suddenly didn't have the faintest what the signs meant, at least in France I had been able to dredge my knowledge of under funded school French

As we arrived at Strasbourg after a gruelling day (For Keith) Driving across France we were glad of the sight before us, the hostel, a bed and a shower would not be far away. Oh how wrong we were. After getting lost several times looking for the 'beautiful world famous gardens' within which our hostel would be we eventually found we managed to find the place. It looked very quite. Too Quiet....

Initially I had found this hostel using my internet browser on my phone, little did I realise at this point that browsing approximately 5 webpages had cost me about £20, at this point I would like to make a brake in my story to raise two fingers and say, ahem FUCK YOU O2. But yes, the hostel guide we had brought informed me of something which the internet had not. The hostel was closed for refurbishment. Infact both of strasbourg's hostels where closed for refurbishment. You may have noticed I missed out a capital S in that last sentence, it was not a mistake, the city did not deserve it. Especially when I realised the second hostel was also closed for refurbishment.

There was a third, but the directions in the youth hostel guide are next to useless, so we took a quick look in Kehl, were our hopes of hostel reprieve were momentarily brought to bear. We found a promising hostel in the guide, quite a large one. At this moment in time we were praising the Germans, but we still couldn't find the hostel. After a long weary drive around the city several times we decided to call it a night and headed to MacDonald's to relieve ourselves after the arduous travels of the day.

It was while Keith was in the bathroom I approached a German man who looked like he might know the city, hoping for some vague directions to the youth hostel.

This mans name was Harold

That should have been warning enough.

So after I attempted to speak my weak German to him, despite knowing all of 'hallo' and 'spreken zeee engelish' it turned out Harold could speak English quite well, well enough to take the piss out of the French for their abysmal knowledge of the language.

Harold was a pretty friendly guy, maybe just a little too friendly, but he said that he would drive to the hostel and we could follow in our car. At this point I was not worried, however when he stopped in a deserted street with a dark grassy park beyond a couple of ominous concrete bollards I began to have my first doubts. Needless to say I was just a little relieved when, as walking through a deserted park with a strange man I saw the familiar blue sign of the YHA over the horizon. Not so welcome was the darkened look of the reception. after trying the aged buzzer several times Harold finally got an answer from a gruff half asleep German on the intercom. This man in no uncertain terms spoke rapid angry German to Harold which probably involved where the weary English travellers could stick their needs of a bed for the night, and that we had missed reception close by about half an hour. Utter. Cunt.

As we walked back to the car I started to become a little worried, Harold was offering to drive us all over looking for a new hostel, he was infact one of those people who are just a little too helpful for comfort. After a cursory glance in the back of his car it also seemed as if he lived in it, not a good sign. Especially when he started offering to show us car parks to sleep in...

After he took us to a train station car park he left, probably utterly disappointed that neither me or Keith had offered to bend over for him. By a unanimous decision we decided that a train station car park with only a thin pane of glass between us and Harold when he knew our exact location was not an ideal sleeping spot. We headed off towards Munich and found quite possibly the most amazing service station ever to sleep in...