Life without internet - TISCALI ARE FUCKING USELESS CUNTS!

I have lost my internet connectivity, this has hugely affected my life in a work, social and boredom sense.

Right now I am at work, so close and yet so far.

I have a mental image of my email, unaccessable from work, slowly filling up. My important messages slowly getting lost in a sea of junk emails...

Dear god.

Tiscali bloody useless technical support have been telling me it will be working in 24 hours 5 days in a row... They always try and query my router, IT'S NOT MY FUCKING ROUTER YOU TWATS.

I think im going to cry.

Another Day

Last night I continued to discover how much of a drinking lightweight I have become.

In November I stopped drinking, needed to save up some cash for a skiing trip in January, in December I fractured my knee ni two places, so couldn't go skiing and couldn't drink. The irony was so thick a mole on speed could not have dug through it.

At a Christmas work bash on the 24th I had 2 pints, I then went to bed and fell straight to sleep. Admittedly I was on painkillers at this point but it was still a poor show. recently I have been having around 5-6 pints and it has been totalling me, less than half a year ago this would have just got me started!

The question is, should I try and regain some of my manly prowess in the consumption of alcohol, or shall I stop drinking every so often so I remain lightweighted and can go out on just over a tenner?

*Edit* I realised that where i meant to put
"What I am against is this I wrote " I actually put "What I am not against is this".

I am a large supporter of allowing people to make their own decisions by informing them of the facts without bias. In some sectors, for instance animal rights, there is a huge amount of propaganda. This is a shame since it is a viable cause, however if you spend enough time researching you can usually find the truth of a situation.

What I am against is this.

A man-sized talking rabbit appeared on television in Gaza on Friday to denounce Danish newspapers over cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad that offended Muslims.

The latest in a line of cartoon-inspired characters that take the message of the Hamas Islamist movement to Palestinian children, the actor in the Bugs Bunny-style outfit also railed against "Zionist filth" and Israel's control of Jerusalem.

The Friday show "Tomorrow's Pioneers" on Hamas's al-Aqsa channel has become a weekend fixture for pre-teens since shortly before the Islamists seized control of the Gaza Strip last year.

A Mickey Mouse-type creation provoked outcry in Israel and was condemned elsewhere as inciting hatred among the young. The mouse, eventually shown being beaten to death by an Israeli, was followed by a talking bee and, now, by Assud the rabbit.

"I want the West to hear this. I want the Danes who offended the great Prophet to hear it," the rabbit said, gesturing to viewers after the show's co-presenter, a girl of about 12 named Sarra, condemned Danish newspapers for reprinting the cartoons after police accused several men of plotting to kill the artist.

"Where are you Muslims? Where are you Arabs?" said Sarra, wearing a headscarf and speaking with precocious eloquence.

"We are all a sacrifice for the Prophet. The soldiers of Tomorrow's Pioneers will redeem the Prophet with all they have."

Now at the ages these kids are being shown this program they are at their most susceptable, and yet their is a cartoon out there suggesting to children that they go out and kill people of other religions?

Can you imagines the uproar that would occur if a white cartoon was made suggesting the killing of Muslims?

I am very, very worried that they are allowing this to be shown, not only for the children being show this kind of material but for the countries who may suffer because of it.
Condoning this kind of hatred in a cartoon aimed at 5-14 year olds is beyond dispicable.

Office Event

Sometimes writing up events to entertain my literal ten of readers can be a bit of a chore, I do it more to keep some kind of regular readership up rather than out of any purpose or enjoyment.

Today however there was an incident at work that made my chuckle, more at social reaction than the event itself.

We were in the office, sat at our desks when a technician walked up and started talking to one of our coworkers. Midway through the conversation he farted. Thats right he let one rip right in the middle of the office.

The silence could not be cut with a diamond edged knife. Laughs and giggles were kept in by ruler straight tight lipped mouths.

The techy is carries on, unaware of his faux pas in the management environment. I am half hoping he belches the alphabet as well.

As soon as he steps out of the door laughter errupts.

Have I become a snob?

What ho jeeves that poor person is dieing on my street, remove him at once.

Valentines Day

Valentines Day can either be a fantastically romantic day or the day you feel like the worlds greatet social reject.

However you look at it though, valentines day is one of the most commercialy driven yet socially significant events in the westernised world. It reminds us all to take a step back and look at what is really important, or more significantly WHO is really important.

My valentines days have varied significantly over teh past, from lonely, to sex filled to romantic meals I have done the works. Though I do regret sometimes that no relationship I have been in has reached a two valentines day mark.

I think my strangest valentines day was a few years back, when I was 21. The girl I was seeing was only 17 at the time, slightly pervy but there you go. She got me a teddybear and a HUGE card. It was filled with sweet words and so on, but never the less I could not help but feel a little self concious that I was walking through Leeds looking like a mobile Hallmark vendor.

When I was at highschool I was seeing this girl frmo college, my boyish charms won her over I guess. I was 15, she was 17. I never mentioned my age, she thought I was around the same age as her I think.

We had only been going out for a couple of weeks, leaving me at the akward not knowing her, not wanting to get anything too big to make me look too eager and not wanting to get something too small to make her think im not bothered.

So I took her for a meal, single red rose in hand and then things started to go wrong. As we left the resteraunt she looked a little unhappy, as we progressed through the night she became more and more depressed. Finally the night ended with her slapping me and proclaiming me a cheat and a cheapskate.

I was fairly nonplussed by this, what the hell had I done?

The next day my maet asked me how the date had gone, a big grin on his face.

Suspicion ran through my mind faster than the japanese public transport system.

"why?"

I query

"Well I bumped into that girl you were seeing amte, thought I would suggest what kind of brilliant present you had undoubtedly bought her."

"What did you say!" I start forward, realising that this guy might have lost me a two year older girl, an astounding achievment at my age.

"I may have mentioned seeing you buy something gold and sparkly" he says, not getting much further as I start seeing red.

What would you do for a flying car?

Valentines Day

"Will you be working earlies on the 15th?"

I ask.

"I was thinking of taking the morning off ;)"

I hint, earlier last night I had suggested we go for a meal on the 14th you see, for a bit of valentines day speciality.

So I scroll down hastily as my boss returns to hsi desk and press send.

No!!!

I shout, as I realise I have just sent the text to my Dad.

Bollox, I though.

Extreme Chair Surfing

Office chair + rope + Car =

No Pants Day

Genius, what can I say?

I think going around in your underwear for a bit sounds fun, how weird would you find it if half the people around you were walking around in their boxers/knickers?

When I was a kid I was a bit of a smart arse at school, clever and yet cocky, but always a middleman. I always found it best to hang back and appraise a situation. There was however this one kid who would do something (though I cannot remember what) that would cause me to chase after him.

It was always 50/50 as to wether I caught him or not, if I didn't get him I would usually be found sprawled somewhere victim of a minor cardiac arrest. If I managed to grab him a short tussle would ensue, rresulting on him on the floor and me with several bite marks, the both of us with a telling off and slight festering of wounds would occur on my part.

Now I think back on it that little bastard technically won every time.

Two Week Road Trip to Four Party Capitals!

This summer me and my mates have decided to return to Europe where we will be visiting four capitals of culture and chaos.

We will be visiting Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich and Barcelona in that order to achieve a fortnight of pure entertainment around the continent.

Last years road trip as fantastic, but we tried to get just a little too much into 2 weeks.

So this year as we jump into a car and head to four cities renowned for both their historic past and beer filled present we will be staying in hostels, meeting fantastic new people and heading out with a clear aim of having a fucking great time.