03 April 2007

Home Delivery

It seems that women will soon be given the choice of delivering their babies from home. This in my opinion is a rather tame attempt by the government to free up hospital beds. what i think will cause a fuss is when they realise they dont have enough midwives. I

I suspect the governments response to this will be a 'Do-it-yourself' kind of kit containing a unisex coloured towel, a bowl (Just add warm water) a pair of tongs and a help guide for such emergencies that might occur, like the baby crawling back in or the wife complaining about the pain (Suggested response being, 'Ive crapped bigger things than this').

Due to the huge amount of single mothers in this country the kit would have to cater for them too, possible extra utensils could be a mirror and a lassoo (Spelling?)

Of course there may be other things needed for the kit, a Pint a Paper and a tv (with remote control) may be needed to get the man of the house through the ordeal. Possibly with a curry, I've heard women can take hours squeezing them out. It always pays to be prepared.



When Jax was born I got clipped round the ear by a very large Jamaican midwife 'cause I was checkin' Jax's head for 666. Well it was Friday 13th....

Oli said...

Im surprised it wasnt a foot in the groin from your missus, guess she was a bit restricted at that point though.

Ive only been present at one birth and I cant remember it!