Wonderbra Girl vs Cadburries Gorrila on Youtube (You Tube)

A mate of mine sent me this on You Tube, yu have to have seen the gorilla ad from cadburies to get the joke, but if you havn't, well the girls damn hot anyway!



Out of the two I have to pick the wonderbra girl, thak you Youtube for the joys you bring!


youtube

In Sickness and in Health

Well it's officially christmas, half the office of sick, the other half is on holiday. This means that I am left here sat at my desk on my own.

Anyone else would have gone home hours ago, or probably just not come in at all. But I am dedicated, industrious and what else was it, ah yes, stupid.

I have a bit of a cold at the moment, not really enough to qualify going off sick, but it seems to be what everyone else has and THEY have taken it off, the day that is. So when should you call in sick?

Personally I think its when you know you feel too ill, when you will just be sat at the office all day wishing you where in bed and no doing much in the way of work. The chances are if you go to work while you are ill you will pass the illness on to at least 2 more people, one of those will take the next day of fthe other one will come to work, then there will be two of you infecting two more people, and so it continues.

Recently a wave of gastroenteritis has hit York.

If you dont know what gastroenteritis is let me explain, firstly it is not a specific disease. It does basically mean stomach infection. There are bad ones though.

Take the Terminator films.

In the first film you had Arnie, slow, but unstoppable and slightly painful when he tried to act. This is your normal run of the mill stomach bug.

Then you have the third Terminator, actually no make that the second. While the third one does send you all around the toilets Gastro is not quite so hot naked. Take the second film. The evil guy in that was much stronger, survives pretty much everything you throw at it and beats the fucking crap out of you.

While he did not make anusses (anii?) feel raw in the film he did look a little bit camp in my eyes, you never know I guess.

So when I had gastroenteritis earlier this year I felt fully justified in taking the time of work, it is a highly comunicable disease and several times i was doubled up in pain due to stomach cramps. Doesnt look too professional in the old office.

Foie Gras Campaigners

Hypocracy is incredibly prevailent in todays soft touch society. Most recently it seems to have come to the fore in York. Certain Foie Gras Campaigners have been fighting to stop the product being sold in York, desptite their best efforts they are failing because of an EU law preventing bans on imports and exports.

Thank Fuck

What really gets me is they are trying to prevent our decision to eat what we want, a purely fascist move. They then go on to complain about how WE oppress THEM by complaining about their protests. They then go on to calling us fascists, despite they are the ones trying to confine the majorities eating habbits.

This really fucking annoys me.

So how has this come about?

Its the simple fact that most of these protesters have never seen a farm, they have never spent 2 hours chasing around chicken (which are deviously cunning and also, surprisingly, can fight back)

They do not infact have any idea about life on a farm, how animals respond to life on the farm, or even how they are treated. Instead all they are given is heap upon heap of propaganda by the animal rights campaigners, usually with pictures from a one off farm that is run poorly. While animal rights campainers claim several closed farms as victories over ill treatment of animals. The truth of the matter is that most farms that mistreat animals, especially in the foie gras industry where the health of the animals is more fragile, close down anyway.

All businesses need to make money, the figures the animal right groups quote go as high as 20x the fatality rate of other farms. After a quick look at the normal fatality rate on farms you would be looking at 4 out of 5 animals dieing before they reach maturity. No business could survive on these odds.

The fact that they are going for a soft target such as foie gras just to give themselves ane go boost really fucking annoys me.

Two Vaginas

I have noticed a worrying trend while analysing my web stats. I have a consistent, regular and all over worryingly high number of visitors who search for phrases including the words 'three testicles' This is most likely to do with my post entitled Il have kidney, liver and three testicals.

Therefore I have decided to name this post Two Vaginas, im not fussy about the kind of visitors I receive at the moment, hell ild just be happy to receive a visitor. So to the sick bastard who is hoping for a mutated woman who could quite possibly be on the blob for TWO WEEKS! out of the month, you have been mislead into increasing my hit count by one, I think I speak for all when I say Mwoahaahahahaha.

In other news I have been off alcohol for two weeks now with only two exceptions. First off was the success of our pub quiz team, this entitled each of our members to a free pint, huzzah. No man could turn this down.

The second was when my flat mate snuck some vodka into my coke, I thought it tasted funny. I think he wanted to get me relaxed a bit for introduction to one of his, admittedly quite fit mates, unfortunately im still reeling from the break up of a 7 month relationship. This left me not really wanting to be chatting up the girl and completely lacking in my random patter which is the staple base of any good chat up. She had a cute brunette mate though, much more my type at the moment, I went off the dolled up look a long time ago.

It seems kind of weird. I used to love the long legged blondes, would chase them to hell and back. This lasted so long that even now when people ask what kind of girls I like, my automatic reaction is just to say tall blondes. This was a bit of a sticking point with me and my ex, I told her blondes, just when she asked I replied automatically, and how do you change your mind on a subject like that with your then girlfriend?

She mentioned several times how she was not my type, when she infact was. Maybe I should have corrected myself, but it would have looked too much like I was schmoozing. I like women who are naturally beautiful, not dolled up, just perfect the way they are.

Although cute brunettes do do it for me. I think its the eyes, I fucking love eyes, I don't know why.

I could go into a rant similar to Jeff of coupling here, 'but I don't collect eyes, its not like I have an eye bucket or anything, that would be mental' But the fact of the matter is when I looked into my ex's eyes my heart melted. Damn im a soft touch, another casualty to the new found world of metro sexuality. Again the ex's fault, I never used to be this much of a pussy.

Think that's today's ramble over.

Footy.

So we have got knocked out of the qualifiers.

Yes England have yet again performed like utter shite in front of the whole world while playing football.

Beckham who refuses to run to a ball more than a yard away, even when he watches it sail towards him, was useless on the field since Gerrard was playing at his worst, his passes flying over their mark.

Our defence was in utter confusion and our keeper, bless him, waved the first goal in.

As the game ended the players left with not the slightest show of remorse for their horrific failure. Their inability to get us into the qualifiers should have invoked some passionate cry, a tear or at least a storming off. What happens? Nothing. No reaction, no care. Those players will now go home to their £7 million mansion, and book a 2 month vacation to a sunny island somewhere.

Croatia however seemed ecstatic. Their manager did not sit under an umbrella looking glum and protecting his hair. He jumped about, told the players what to do, shouted when they were shit. Their players where enthusiastic and energetic, running circles around our 'couldn't give a toss' team.

McLaren is taking the fall for this, don't get me wrong I believe he is a piss poor manager. However I do believe it is the fault of the FA, who in their true style of overpaid public schoolboy detached from the world politically correct wankers got rid of our good managers on fucking unrelated grounds. Venables was a fantastic leader for our team, yet he got the chop for what? being a dodgy geezer?. Glenn Hoddle expressed his personal beliefs, he gets the sac. What the fuck has his personal opinion on non football related matters got to do with his management of a football team? If Campbell hadn't had his goal disallowed against Argentina he would have been the national hero.

Yes in my opinion the people who are actually in charge should take the blame. They sit in their office on inflated salaries, completely out of touch with the nature of the game. They stopped thinking about the game, instead the wankers started following things like public perception, something that is always off the mark, think of what the government thinks our perception is and it wont take you long to realise that the FA should be managed by the fans, not a board of directors.

These twats who have softened football, helped in making the slightest touch a foul, removed the best management because they have controversial views on subjects nothing to do with football (Not their place) and seem intent on destroying football in the cause of making money should in my opinion be removed from the game.

My boss had a brilliant idea. Take the money out of football.

If everyone stopped supporting the major teams and started watching lower league football the FA would son be out of cash.

Don't watch the games, don't visit the clubs.

It wont take long for the 'big money' clubs to lose out, lose the highly paid 'don't give a shit' players and bring in the players with vision, those who are passionate about playing for their club and for their country. Bring back the game where people are playing for their city rather than playing for the cash.

Theres not much I can do, I support Leeds so its not exactly a big money club, more like a minus money club. But would anyone from the big money clubs be willing to boycott their team for the good of the sport?

Coffee Dilema

I get the feeling I am becoming paranoid.

Im sure when I first started working in an office machine cups of coffee where at least mildly satisfying. You could smell the sweet aroma of caffine, the froth was a light dusting over the top .

Now however the cups seem smaller, the froth fills nearly a quater of the cup and instead of caffine all that can be smelt as an acrid chemically smell, mixed slightly with the cheapened burning plastic.

Of course its not surprising, and maybe its not just paranoia. Tighter financial constraints, some suppliers offering cheaper and cheaper dispensable coffee as the cut costs everywhere.

In 3 years time it will be a small cup with a drop of coffee scented water in the bottom.

Moving On

I have had some trouble getting over the relationship. Its not been easy to get a girl out of my head who was part of my life for nearly 8 months (On and off)

I wish it had not ended, it was partly my fault, I took what I heard too much at face value.

I wish we could get back together, but it couldn't happen. She wants to leave York now, shes told her company she is looking for a new job somewhere else. I would need to spend more time with her, to know that we could go somewhere and not break up over something stupid in a whole new place.

I would have moved to be with her.

I wont move to lose her and all my friends.

Its been a weird week, I've not been drinking, coffee has been off but (drinking) cokes replaced beer.

The best I can do is move on, not to another relationship just yet, but back to a normal life.

I will miss her, how she felt in my arms, her cheeky smile and her beautiful eyes. She had a personality spot on for who I wanted. I felt right with her.

Eventually I will find someone else, I dont know who or when but wounds heal as time passes. I wont

Another Update

Just for my occasional readers.

I am now single, Me and the ex are not on bad terms but there were problems which drove an irreversable gap between our relationship.

Due to getting depressed, dull and boring after having a couple of pints, not helped by the recent bout of gastroenteitis, I have quite the booze for a few weeks. I recon giving my liver a few weeks to recover cant be a bad thing. I was on a 2 can minimum on a night plus 2-3 weekly binges.

I have been working on another of my projects, http://www.thisisaffiliate.com with its subdomain http://affiliatetools.thisisaffiliate.com

Im back playing football, missed it quite a lot so im glad to be back on the field.

Im off to Andora for a week in January, I cant really afford it but might as well while im young.

While in Andora I will be learning to snowboard, I will be doing this in the time honoured way of getting a lift to the top of a mountain and flinging myself down it. I could have gone skiing, but I want to try something new while im there.

I am planning to go to Munich for a week, maybe two with a trip to Berlin sometime during summer. Munich has got to be one of the most fantastic cities I visited on my trip to europe so I look forward to being able to explore it fully. In preperation I have started to learn German, slowly.

Anyhow, thats my life at the moment, I wil be continuing my story of the european road trip soon, but my memory of the trip is getting a little hazy now, I might have left it too long.

Just when you thought tehy couldn't get any more stupid.

The following story was in a Manchester Newspaper

A LOTTERY scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it.

The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won.

To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a
temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game
had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.

But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.

Tina Farrell, from Levenshulme, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards.

The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a maths GCSE,

said: "On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8.

The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn't.

"I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is
higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it.

"I think Camelot are giving people the wrong impression - the card
doesn't say to look for a colder or warmer temperature, it says to look for a higher or lower number. Six is a lower number than 8. Imagine how many people have been misled."

A Camelot spokeswoman said the game was withdrawn after reports that some players had not understood the concept.

She said: "The instructions for playing the Cool Cash scratchcard are clear - and are printed on each individual card and in the game
procedures available at each retailer. However, because of the potential for player confusion we have decided to withdraw the game."

More than 15m adults in Britain have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths

Almost three times as many UK adults (15.1m) have poor numeracy - the equivalent of a G or below at GCSE maths - than with poor literacy skills, according to the government's Skills for Life survey.

Peter Hall, of the Association of Teachers of Mathematics, said: "The concept of minus numbers is something we would cover with 11 or 12 year olds, and we would expect them to have come across it before.

"The concept of smaller numbers is something that some people do seem to struggle with. Seven is clearly smaller than eight, so they focus on that and don't really see the minus sign. There is also a subtle difference in language between smaller - or lower - and colder. The number zero feels lower.

"There have always been some people who find numbers and basic
mathematics difficult. Maybe in the past it was less noticeable because people could find jobs they could excel in without having qualifications in maths."

I didnt believe this was a real story at first, I mean how thick must you be to realise that -6 is a higher number than -8??

Not only that but she continued to argue the point AFTER it had been explained to her, what a fucking retard. Next they will be pulling crosswords out of newspapers because the chavs answeres dont fit in the right number of white boxes.

Personally I think the national lottery is insane for pulling this game just because some peolpe don't even have the very basics of numeracy, I mean being thick is bad enough but this woman cant even count. Perhaps having a disclaimer along the lines of 'must have an IQ greater than 5 (That means not 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5) would be useful.

God I hate fucking layabout chavs.

Life So Far

Life has been a bit hectic in York recently, I have just broken up with the on again off again girlfriend for good this time. It did kind of get to me, shes a fantastic girl and all. This time however there was a difference, a friend of mine overheard a conversation by one of her mates about what Anj had been saying about the relationship. All in all it wasnt good.

On top of that I have been working tirelessly to get some new websites up and running. My current aim is to get some of my amazon stores up and running along with a few of my smaller websites to try and get a bit of residaul income through.

Good news though!

I am planning on going to Andora in January for a week for a snowboarding holiday!

My skiing skills were pretty good, unfortunately I have never snowboarded in my life. So in 2 months time im going to strap a board to my feet and chuck myself down a mountain, hopefully I wont break anything.

Just to let you know, I have just set up a Lonely Planet Guide Book store, you can take a look at http://lonelyplanet.evolutiondirectory.com

The is part of the network i am building at http://www.evolutiondirectory.com

Most recently on this network I have set up a social (not dating) website aimed at the residents of York which has taken off, If you are one of the fine england residents who lives in York and would like to meet some new people, go for a few drinks or play some sport take a look at

http://yorksocial.evolutiondirectory.com

The famous revolving self cleaning toilet seat from the road trip through Germany, ina damn funny advert