Oh my fucking god.

Chavs seem to be in abundance these days, and is it that surprising?

They always get away with the crap they do. Take this for instance.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/search/display.var.1309628.0.fury_over_tyreslash_suspect_no_charge_decision.php

A 17 year old chav decides to go out and slash the tires on 90 cars, causing thousands of pounds of damage. Something that in my opinion should have him locked up and working to repay teh debt.

What happens?

Sweet fuck all thats what, our fantastic justice system decide its not worth the effort to prosecute him.

What the hell is this country coming to when someone can get away with this?

Sure the police are spot on when it comes to, for instance, stopping me while i was having a run down by the river. Keeping fit is a very suspicious thing nowdays, but surely slashing the tires on 90 cars would be worth a slap on the wrist at least.

Makes me ant to emmigrate to be honest, some countries will chop your bollox off for doin something like that.

The Move

One of my flat mates has been moving out over the week, leaving his much larger room vacated. Hence I am now moving into his room post-haste, it does has a massive window in it which provides both great veiws and freezing cold tempratures in winter and boiling hotness in summer. Size matters though.

This does mean that im going to have to shift some furnature down some stairs and through a small doorway though.

Uhoh

When I put this wardrobe together i put the back board onto it with an industrial staple gun

ermmm

Shit.


Apart from the wardrobe though it should be fairly easy, i seem to remember my draws being quite heavy but since they are being taken down some stairs not up them im hoping it wont be a huge problem.


We also have a new flatmate coming our way, he maanages to earn about 24 grand a year working 2 weeks out of the month. To this I say Bastard, I will also be saying 'tell me how', I can only hope that I will be able to pull it off!

anyhow, have a lot to do today, Adios!

Hangunder

This morning I feel like im hungover, but i did not drink anything last night. Hence this morning me and a mate have dubbed this a hang under, similar to a hang over but with no enjoyment the night before.

Of course many people have suggested reasons for this, mainly dehydration. I however believe one of my flat mates beat me round the head with a big fuck off mallet and then coated my tongue with a thin layer of tar.


ahh well.

Yesterday saw the end of the nice weather. Specifically after I had gone into town, bought a sandwich, drink etc and gone al the way to the river to sit down the weather changed. One minute sunny, next minute cloudy. This is the already known rule of 'Sods Law'

*Cry*

Anyhow, I hope you all had a great Bank Holiday!

Summer!

It seems that the summer season is yet again upon us!

The river in york is yet again thronged with people, the pub by the banks is heaving with tourists, more than enough to pay for repairs next time it floods.

The beer gardens are packed, as the afternoon sun glints and shimmers of the gently rippling waters of our fantastic river ouse. The museum gardens no longer the despondently empty winter home of the squirrels and yet again filled with tourists, sunbathers and workrs, relaxing after a hard days labour.

I myself will be partaking inna little beer garden drinking, the weather pretty much demands it.

The bank holidays will leave me little time to post, so everyone have a great easter, I hope you all get much chocolate!

A first and a last

I had a phone conversation with a fellow blogger for the first time ever last night, quite an acheivement I think you will agree. I managed through my smooth talking to get a drunken text off the gorgeous miss Celeste who was ever so slightly drunk (but sobering up, honest).

After several back and forth texts I gave her a phone call (Forest gump had finished by this point, great film.) and was surprised by the posh, but admittedly very cute voice of Celeste.

At this point you may be thinking this is slightly stalkerish behaviour, trust me you wont get worried till you realise im wrting a blog on it. Console yourself in the fact that I have litterally no other ideas of which to write about.

But yes, to all the prospective people who may in future ring celeste shes a fantastic to talk to, just the right amount of humour, wittyness and cleavage, though I didnt get to see that over the phone.

The question is Celeste, do you agree with this post? =p

Aslo, my page ranking has dropped to '0', considering i used to be 2 I feel im now in last place on the internet, dispite there being millions of other '0' ranked websites. I shall have to start posting daily and sending my spare change to google again.

Home Delivery

It seems that women will soon be given the choice of delivering their babies from home. This in my opinion is a rather tame attempt by the government to free up hospital beds. what i think will cause a fuss is when they realise they dont have enough midwives. I

I suspect the governments response to this will be a 'Do-it-yourself' kind of kit containing a unisex coloured towel, a bowl (Just add warm water) a pair of tongs and a help guide for such emergencies that might occur, like the baby crawling back in or the wife complaining about the pain (Suggested response being, 'Ive crapped bigger things than this').

Due to the huge amount of single mothers in this country the kit would have to cater for them too, possible extra utensils could be a mirror and a lassoo (Spelling?)

Of course there may be other things needed for the kit, a Pint a Paper and a tv (with remote control) may be needed to get the man of the house through the ordeal. Possibly with a curry, I've heard women can take hours squeezing them out. It always pays to be prepared.

Why I have not posted..

Along with many other bloggers my posts seem to have dried up recently. Infact I am quite worried about some of them who seemed to have disappeared completely (Jezebel I mean you!)

Im not sure why I havn't posted, I have been doing quite a bit of freelance writing (it turns out the yanks like the cute english phrases in text as well as speach) and I most definately could have commented on the wide range of topics going about in my city, ie the mini chavs who cant seem to not shout, the chav who got arrested because he went to complain to the police that his picture on the wanted poster made him look like a peadophile (Yes that really happened, the retard tried to sue the police)


But all in all I've just been too busy, not to mention god damn tired, to keep this blog up to date.

New(Ish) Layout

I have finally go my arse in gear and brought the site upto date with googles page creator, its pretty good, unless you want to do somethnig it wasnt designed to do >.<

With the new layout though I now have a friends list, I will be adding the sites i regularly visit in teh misplaced hope that one of these fantastic people will add my link to their site. *hint hint*

ahem

Anyway, St Patricks day was amazing, got hammered, got the hat, beertray, beer mats, and banner from some random pub. Was a bit disappointed that a load of my mates bailed, was still a great night though!

But for now, back to work. I will find a topic for a post with some point to it shortly.

Comic Releif

Comic relief, a day in Britain where we have celebrities make a fool of themseleves in the name of charities, and where we have the famous celebrities peform in comic sketches. IN my mind a celebrity is tabloid fodder while a famouse person is an actor or personality people know and respect.

I am all for a bit of charity, i have lost £30 this month to random sponsorships, charity boxes etc however our company did something today that irked me

Every year for comic relief (And most charity or special days) our company has a dress down day. They also have the buckets out to collect donations for charity, fair enough.

I would be happy about all of this, putting a coulpe of quid in etc if it wasnt for one thing.

The email we got anouncing this dress down day.

"As we're sure many of you are aware this Friday is Comic Relief Day and the management have kindly agreed to a 'dress-down' day. There will be a bucket in reception for all donations (£1 minimum) for those wishing to participate.

Wait a second, £1 minimum???

Now donations I agree with, even more so if they are anomynous (So people arnt guilted into giving money) However I think that my company enforcing a £1 minimum means they might as well be taxing us.

Blairs Apology Over Slavery

It seems that Mr Tony Blair has yet again apologied over slavery, something I believe he shouldnt have done.

Firstly though let me point out, im not pro slavery, apart from on the marraige front where I one day hope to have my very own. I dont agree with it, nor do I condone it and I believe human trafficking should be wiped out.

However.

Should Tony Blair apologise on behalf of the UK regarding slavery?

I personally dont feel any responsibility, handed down or otherwise for the slave trading that went on in the past. I also think that Blair saying sorry is like an admittance of our responsibility, opening up the country to legal repairations.

I think the people who should be made to say sorry are the people who still trade humans, as they are still doing it and still accountable.

This made me think though, why are people who never suffered at the hands of slavers asking for an apology, maybe for their great great grandfather?

In the same vein I could ask for repairations from the saxons and vikings for invading and possibly killing relatives of mine, or more recently perhaps we could ask for repairations for the killings of white farmers in africa.

I guess my point is, while i dont agree with the slave trade neither do i agree with pointing the blame at countries who no longer have any dealings with it, especially as britain was one of the first major countries to pull out of the trade.

Exercise - The unwritten story.

After a leg injury a while back I have been lacking any exercise on my legs, hence why I ahve not joined any company football teams. Last week however I took the plunge and joined not one but TWO football things.

So, last friday i started getting myself in shape, I am quite plesed with my progression, heres a quick diary.

Day 1 (Friday) - Left for a run about 7, was out of breath before reaching the river I was going to run along. Half way along the river suffer a mild collapse due in part to a rut in the road, spend 5 minutes recovering much to the amusement of an old dog walking woman. Arrive home an hour later close to a heart attack after about 20 stops.

Day 2 - Set off before dinner, nearly run over a tourist. Still ahve a lot of stops, did nto however fall over.

Day 3 - Was impressed with myself as i needed a few less stops.

Day 4 - Improved a little more, was stopped by a few drunken geezers who thought I was some football player for some premiership team.

Day 5 (Tuesday) - First football game, did ok, ran out of breath easy though

Day 6 - legs fine, back however stiff as hell, did not do any exercise.

Day 7 - Ran without stoppping at half my usual places, very impressed with myself!

Day 8 - Will see in an hour!

Death to Websense

Well it seems that any .blogspot.com address is now not only blocked my my works web filtering software 'websense' it also catagorises my, and any other blog, as 'sex' related.

The only way my blog could currently be associated with sex is if it was prefixed with 'lack of' so it seems quite unfortunate that I now have on my proxy log with the company about 5 attempts to access sex related sites, after trying to view various peoples blogs.

Anyhow, this probably means i will be a bit quite on the blogging circuit for a while as I have more interesting things to do when at home!

Sense of Adventure

My family going back through history has been well known for exploring the world, My grandfather for instance was walking over europe during the start of a world war, he was in poland when the news broke, wrong time wrong place!

And now I fully understand what made him leave britain, with hardly any cash and a lot of determination, to travel the world, see new countries and experience new cultures.

The drabness of daily office work is something that I feel will destroy me, nothing challenges me, nothing grows, there is nothing NEW. All over the world things are happening, countries are rising and falling, economies are fluctuating, people are risking their lives in battle, and their bank accounts starting new companies. The ravages of time are flying by daily, it seems like no time has gone since I first started work, every day the same.

I need to travel, need to try smoething new, I want to a Job that I Want to do, not Have to do.

Of course its a fantasy, christmas drained my money, il be saving upto june jsut to be able to afford festival season then I will be broke till christmas again. All the jobs in city centres are office jobs, same shit, different office. I have joined the ranks of the broken millions, floating mindlessly through the working day, praying my lottery ticket pays off.

Aerosmith + London Hydes Park = PISSSUPPPP

It seems like in the summer of 2007 I will be going down to see the one and only Aerosmith, yes thats right AEROSMITH with the amazing, if slightly geriatric, Steve Tyler.

The gig will be starting quite early but we could do with a pub nearby to Hyde park for a couple of beverages, any ideas?

Drunken Debauchery?

Tonight is going to be my first big night out in a while, after last weeks 2 pints that made me feel a little drunk I am well aware how my alcohol tolerance may have slipped to a ludicrously low amount. Cheap night?

I hope so.

Tonight a guy from work is leaving the company for pastures new, so it is our duty as his fellow co-workers to send him off in style, by getting as wasted as humanly possible and staggering to our homes no earlier than closnig time.

A friend of mine, il call him 'Mr Ballache' for now has also tried pushing an idea on a few of us that we should ahve a full fancy dress night out round town. This is not in itself a bad idea, fancy dress instantly makes women see you as a fun loving care free kind of guy, and greatly increases your chance of getting laid, not however if you go as a womble.

Yes that right.

Mr Ballache has on order 8 womble costumes for a nights hire, of which he wants the money off us without even asking us in the first place.

I would gladly dress up as many things, a devil? hell yeah! a cowboy Yee Haa! a priest or doctor? Definately! although last time i was a priest a nun stole my underwear.

But a womble?!?

Liars.

Liars really piss me off.

You get all kinds, inthe office it is a barrage of constant lies and hidding information, outside the office i have heard everything from "This scar was from a bullet yeah, i was ina holdup" while the suferee points to something that looks suspiciously like a fag burn, all the way to yeah my dad paints the silver strip on the back of mobile top up cards, he lets me do a few so I always write the numbers down".

Both complete bullshit but there you go. Lies have become part fo our everyday life, sometimes covered as 'discretions' sometimes just complete twats spouting off. Whats the worst lie youve ever heard?

*Update*

Since it seems that the Americans do not recognise the term Chav I guess I have a bit of explaining to do. Despite my dislike of the American traitorous hangdogs and their silverspoon polititions (You know you want to be British really) , it is merely a vague dislike, its hard not to dislike a country who votes the warmongering Bush family in repeatedly. Clinton was ok, so he had an affair, atleast he didnt destroy your economy then declare war on any country that negatively affects the USA. Dont worry Jezebel that doesnt include you, I want to have babies with your sexy self.

But back to the point which I am oh so good at drifting from. Rather trying to describe this myself I suggest going on http://www.chavscum.co.uk/ an looking at 'how to spot a chav'.

This will allow any travelling USAeons to comment on how they wore the same clothes as a nearby chave (Wether you did or not) 30 years ago, then burst out laughing.

Annoy a Chav Week

Chavs, Townies, Scum or simply those young kids who wear Burberry a lot thinking its cool and not realising it is in fact golfer gear. Yes the uncivilized foul mouthed scum who ask for small change, cigs and after a few pints a fight.

These Chavs are becoming more and more of a problem in the UK, and now my friends I think its time to put a stop to it.

From the 26th of February till the 4th of March I believe we should have Annoy a Chav week, everyone get together and slander, ridicule and deny chavs their rights. You could do as little as sit behind a chav on a bus and say how your dads realy pleased with his new burberry top you got him for his 65th birthday, or simply burst out into tears of laughter when you pass a Chav in top to toe nike tracksuit.

So whos with me? Lets destroy the Chav culture!

I thought I had best apologise for not blogging a huge amount over the past few weeks, partly due to not really getting upto much, partly due to being very busy at work.

Well, today is valentines day!

Thats right the worlds most depressing day for single postmen nationwide is upon us, and I have not got a girl with which to share it in the new city I inhabit. This is not quite as depressing as it would normally be for a single bloke such as myself, im a bit skint at the moment, women are expensive, notoriously so on the 14th of the second month. I also have to admit that the freedom of the single life is something I would miss, my previous relationship being a little too constrictive for my liking.

Its not all bad, I have received a Valentines text off a cute girl from leicester, someone who was it not for distance I would have asked out a long time ago. I then got one off a girl in leeds, much closer to home and who recently grew out of chavdom and into what is generaly know an as 'gorgeous'

The big question is, do I go out tonight, do I goto Leeds or do I stay in, mope a little and have a big pizza to round the evening off.

Anyone out there want to be my valentine?

Mistakes

Everyone in life makes mistakes, from the little ones, such as when I wrote FUCK A DUCK in permenant marker on my dad's whiteboard which he needed for work the next (In retrospect I could have chose a better sentence to test if a pen was permanant or not) all the way over to the big time cock ups, such as superman deciding to ride a horse.

I always feel one of my biggest was giving myself a leg injury that put my clean out of any sport for pretty much the next 15 years. I am determined to overcome this sooner but i have no idea how as of yet!

My all time biggest, will never be forgotton by my mates mistake is quite possibly getting stuck in a cattlegrid. Do not, under any cicumstances, ask.

What I want to know is what your biggest mistake is?

No holding back, post without a name if you want, but post your biggest misake, teh funnier the better!

Deviant Economics

I have started a new blog, based more on political and economical aspects of life,

Have a look at http://devinomics.blogspot.com!

A cure to the depressive posts

Where ever you may be right now, at work or at home i would be gratefull if you followed this post.

Take deep but gentle breaths, while at the same time stretching every muscle in your body, starting from the tips of your toes, up through your legs,and your back, slowly stretching out the tips of your fingers.

Let your mind drift off, let the subdued voices in the busy office or the faint sounds of traffic passing by your house fade into the background.

Imagine for a second that you are in a pure white marble room, infront of you is a door way with a soft pale light shining through it. Serenely you decide to walk through the door and feel the warmth of a summers day caress your skin. On either side of you are vivid purple flowers, trailing down a warm white marble staircase. you take a step down the staircase, and begin to notice the garden around you, a vivid green interspaced with dashes of colour from fragrant plants and the glittering of warm water from a fountain below.

You take another step and feel relaxed as the heat from the sun brings a warmth to skin. you notice the flowers on the banisters now also interspaced with reds and yellows, trailing down the banister.

Again you step down, seeing a bird fly across the cloudless blue sky on a perfect summers day, you close your eyes for a few seconds as you raise your face to feel the warmth of the sun carress your face and sooth your tired eyes.

You walk another step down and the fragrence from the beautiful plants around you invades your senses, the smell of pollen, nectar and honey is prevailant in the air, over the sound of the fountain you hear the rustle of the plants as a cooling summer breeze washes the warm air over your skin and flutters under your clothes.

As you step down onto the final step you notice a springyness in the fresh grass, willing you onwards, walking past a fountain you watch the play of water, rippling the otherise still water, causing glints of light to appear from the warm sun above. strolling down the grassy path, relaxed in every muscle of your body, you see a bench under the shade of a cherry tree, the blossom falling, carpetting the ground bellow with soft pale petals. You lay on the bench under the shadethe warm air moving gently over you. As you lay back you begin to count down in your head

10

you begin to relax, the falling blossom from the tree above floats gently past under the soft warming air of the summer.

9

you feel every muscle untense, your breathing begins to slow and your mind begins to clear from the days distractions.

8

you breath deeper and longer as you drift into a relaxed state, the birds begin to sing in the tree above.

7

you feel the warmth of the bench beneath you, you relax deeper into it as teh heat soothes your muscles.

6

you breath even slower, the faint smell of food cooking drafts through teh air, you hear the faroff sound of a childs laugh.

5

you drift into a dream like state, your eyelids droop as you rest

4

you breath slows gently getting slower and an even greater sense of relaxion seems was softly over your body

3

now so relaxed you can hardly feel yourself move in the warm air, each muscle in your body is comletely relaxed and your mind begins to clear of thoughts

2

breathing deeper still you mind clears completely, you feel slightly euphoric in the warm bench, safe protected and warm.

1

A feeling over relaxation overcomes you, every muscle in your slumbering body is relaxed and you feel a wave of happiness flow over your mind.

you think of the problem that has been effecting you, it is small and insignificant, you see teh problem infront of you as a glowing orb, a soft glowing colour, you begin to see ways around the small problem and even why it should not even exist. It shrinks even futher, till it fits softly in the palm of your hand. You now know that you have power over the problem, and can always overcome it.

It shrinks still futher, growing smaller and even smaller till you can now no longer even see it, now the problem is gone you feel significantly better about yourself. the warm air still plays across your skin and you wish move, you start to count slowly with a deep breath between each number.

1

.........

2

.........

3

.........

4

your breathing starts to speed up.

5

...

6

7 the heavyness in your eyelids begins to lift, you feel your mind awakening to teh world around you.

8 you realise whats around you and your perceptions increase.

9 breathing nearly normally you realise how relaxed all your muscles are, you begint to move thema gain after you realise tehy have been still for so long.

10 you feel yourself in a much more relaxed, happier state of mind, you start to move about, and begin to move and stretch all your muscles to wake yourself again.

Net Neutrality

http://action.freepress.net/campaign/savethenet

Waddlers

There are not many things in life that annoy me, one of my utmost annoyances is in al probability Waddlers, the people who are not content with walking slowly, but also by dint of not moving any leg muscle whatsoever wave left and right across the path, making it almost impossible to do a quick overtaking manouver. They do however provide the occasional bit of entertainment.

I went into town yesterday and saw two waddlers walknig side by side, both 20 stone plus and carrying a handbag which looked like a tabacco pouch in their gigantic mitts. It got funny when we noticed that these two had no concept of walking in sync, hence every few seconds one would hit teh other, making their waddle go a little bit too far off to the side. After this happened they would both glare at each other then continue walking on. Next time I see something of this calibre I will take a video =)

Changing Years.

Its amazing how the world changes in such a short space of time.

10 years ago christmas was always snow covered, 15 years ago the snow was inches deeper. Those are the times I remember as being festive, when I would go out and play in the snow with my mates for hours on end, coming in soaking wet, usually from the odd cut where some fucker had got a bit of ice in one of his malicious snowballs or our careless sledging down a hill in unpredictable woods ended abruptly with a hidden tree stump.

Nowdays it doesnt seem to snow at all, christmas is autumn warm. The snow used to be inches thick, now if it does snow, usually in February, its a light smattering which melts at the faintest dawn of new year light. The cities that once hosted massive illuminations over the christmas period now draw a pointless blank, unable to afford anything but a solitary christmas tree as the downward economy hits us, no longer able to sustain the merriments that once helped make it so popular.

The homeless, an ever increasing number seem to appear even on the deserted main streets, if the police take one away another fills his place, begging for change and swearing at those that dont answer,
Cleanliness of the streets makes the beggars seem more apparent, litter is not a problem in the area, much has been spent on bland cleanliness, though the absolute sterility seems like a purposeful dent on a historic city.

The downturned faces of office workers, a picture of misery on the unending majority, with an occasional self inflated manager wading through the drab crowd in his own self imposed dream of his life. Groups of tourists stand out with their unending enthusiasm for ancient stone and mortar built in centuries past, they point out flagstones and buildings in amazement, though such trifling objects have long faded into the dull listless background in the minds of the dead eyed residents.

A flooding by the undredged river makes its annual appearance above the banks of the ouze, covering the unfortunate buildings that have yet failed to succumb to the ever rising levels of a river unmaintained. Its constant flow a heavy reminder to the pure unstoppability of the force contained by such a beautiful rippling flow of liquid. The water glinting on each rise in the fading glow of a sun that has barely left the horizon in keeping with the season.

And I ask myself, why?

A Glorious Day!

Today, a day my friends that will be remembered.

The most fantastic news unlikely to be shadowed by anything else the coming year will throw at us.

This historical day of biblical proportions will be one that will lighten the hearts of billions around the world.

Yes thats right

Cameron Diaz has split up with that wanker Justin Timberlake.

Cameron Diaz, while 34 now is without a doubt one of my top ten in women, her young looks fantastic personality and damn cute smile make this one woman any man would take home.

Diaz... I salute you

*Schhhwinnnggggg*

My first crush, and my first serious crush

A lot of people use the new year as a fresh start, a way of making life better by just a little bit. This year however has been more of a reflection, on how I have lost touch with so many of my friends and how I seem to be unable to settle down with a girl for more than a week. After thinking about that I started to think about past relationships and inparticular my first crushes. I use this rather girly term on the basis that what I felt wasn't really love, but more a desire which I hasten to add I was completely incapable in following up on. While the chatting up of other women came as easy as pie even saying hi to these two crushes left my words crashing into each other.

The first of my crushes was back in primary school, a brunette with pale skin and startling eyes, shy in nature but the kind of girl I would have loved to hold tight. This being primary school and still not having had any massive interaction with a woman (At this point I think it was limited to a kiss and a little fumbling one time) I had not really mastered any way to propose to this girl, who might I add while shy had a stunning beauty about her, so consoled myself to a fate of failure with this one.

The second girl was at highschool, a girl called Sarah was in my form and was easily voted the most beautiful girl in our year. This being only the first year of school when I first saw her I had only had a few more experiences, but as highschool progressed I soon lost most of my inhibitions apart from this one girl. Tall and blonde with a perfectly formed body a gorgeous smile and the self assurance that comes with having pretty much every member of the opposite sex drooling over you, And we drooled over her in abundance at that.

Im not entirely sure that this post has a point, it is more of a reminiscence of things in life I should have gone for, and two women who due to my feelings I never dared approach. Im hoping that in the future I will not make the same mistake again, and always go for the things I want the most.

Adam and Eve... Bloody Perverts.

I got thinking this morning about the begining of time, when sex first came about. I mean lets face it sticking your dick up a womans pee hole isnt the most obvious of choices, admittedly it feels damn good but how did we find that out?

To illustrate my example I am going to use the religious setting of adam and eve, im guessing that pre sex the following was heard (Looking at all historical TV documentaries from primary school on this im guessing behind a big ivy leaf)

"OW that my EYE you BASTARD!"
"What the hell is that fluffy stuff"
"Mhhhhhh your tongue feels good"
"Ewww fucks sake I've got earwax all over it"
"Bit tight this end"

Il have kidney, liver and three testicals

I was doing some (completely work related) internet browsing and came across this article on BBC

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6240307.stm

Personally I dont see what the fuss is about, people should be able to sell their bodyparts if they want to. What I think is more interesting is buying these organs, obviously some people buy them because they need one to carry on living but what about the entertainment or cosmetic aspect?

Possibly a clip on device would appear on the market, like replacement covers for mobile phones you could get a clip on penis to forehead attachment for that annoying person in your life, if all else fails you could always spitroast your girlfriend by yourself.

I personally think a third arm would come in handy, and not just so I had my right hand free when surfing various types of websites, a third arm would allow me to play PDA solitaire while seemingly hard at work, not to mention the speed i could get a cup of coffee sorted. You could also get an extra liver, massively inceasing your drinking before death capability.

This kinda makes me thing that fat people will have the advantage over the rest of us in the future, I mean they could have enough space for 8 hearts a couple of extra kidneys a few livers and more, if one fails they just get another popped in. A heart attack? no problem, a minor inconveniance, liver failure? simply a kudos mark among the drinking culture.

"Yeah man I got so pissed last night I wrecked three of my livers"

If you could have an extra body part what would you choose?

(Yes I was a bit short on ideas today, alright?)

Holiday End

After good ol' week of half days, bank holidays and drinking galore it is finally back to reality. I have fallen for a girl who I probably shouldnt have, hugged a lot of random people, gone swimming in a river (nearly got hypothermia in the process) did the maccerena in the city centre for no aparent reason, injured my wrist (no jokes), due to lack of snow we went sledging down a tarmac road instead, fortunately at 5am there isnt much traffic.

However now I am back in the 9 till 5 grind, doing the same old shit, I need to find myself a job that no only challenges but varies my daily life, travelling to different parts of the world on occasion would also suit.

Im thinking of going to some other part of the world, do ski instruction or something, although I would probably need to learn some of it again myself in all honesty. If not ski instruction perhaps something similar, since my patience is a bit short for teachnig in all honesty, although lets face it, some of my old school teachers would shout at you for coughing.

I think my main problem with going abroad would be my mates, leaving the country is all well and good but considering how often I go out I would not have the feintest clue on what to do with my spare time. Maybe if i could convince one of my mates to come too, 6 months, sun, snow and lots of young naive tourist birds from around the globe, oooo yes..

Then theres the girl back here, never actually met her but talked to her loads, its not like she lives far away, Doncaster is just down the road from my City, but I never have the free time nowdays! She seems perfect, sweet and sexy, not to mention pretty damn smart underneath her veneer of makeup and vanity. She likes to always look good, and boy does she pull it off. Of course this is where the paranoia always kicks in, lets face it would a girl this good be happy with me? I know pretty much next to nothing of what she is like in person, from talking to her I would trust her, but some people are different to how they seem.

Given the opportunity I would want to move abroad, but the company would be her.