Tenacious D

Tenacious D are very, very funny. I saw them live last night and I have to say, THEY ROCKED!

In other news, I now have 7 days to get a secret santa gift, I have 11 days to get christmas gifts, I have way too long until I get paid.

Funniest quote of teh month

This is quite possibly the funniest thing ive read all month

"You might think that corrective lenses are unattractive, but what you don’t know is that there are quite a few people who have major fetishes for brainy people. It’s probably some sort of evolution thing. You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you’d be in a wheelchair too. "

Thank you Scott Adams!

Pissed at work

I woke up pissed

I came to Work

How the hell did i do so badly at bowling

I get the feeling my productivity may be below par today.

Sexual Consent Form

For those of you in the uk, (Dont know about the US) there has been a lot in the press about the rape issue, many womens rights groups are saying that a man should get full consent, however it gets difficult when both people are drunk and get together, both want it then, but if the woman regrets it there is the occasional call of rape, when really the woman is jsut regretting doing it. Although for the real rapists, who hunt down women and force them to have sex against their will, I hope all you bastards die in hell.

O the subject however this video is damn entertaining!

http://www.glumbert.com/media/consent

Soldiers on LSD

You all have to watch this, its so damn funny!

Managerial look

Like any aspiring young man I am always looking for that little bit of an edge to get me promoted faster, so far my best option seems to be the management look. The management look is mostly accentuated by the management hairstyle, this is either a full head of silvery well styled hair or the shaved monk cut, where the wearee of the hair is bald on top and at the front, but has a shaved short band of hair going from ear to ear around the back of his head.

In all honesty I dont think I look old enough to pull off either look, so I may need some surgery to put some crows feet in and give my skin that 'worn' look.

Snooker and Photoshop

Last night was a night of snooker and booze, and half an hour of photoshop.

Snooker went quite well, I was on the winning team in all three games (we had teams of 2 since 4 of us went) despite not having many breaks above 1. I also had my tea there, because our snooker club does the nicest chips (Fries for the americans, you wouldnt know a real chip if someone bludgeoned you to death with it) I have ever tasted in my life. I usually have a plate of chips but this time I had a burger as well, while it was nice I was also kinda disappointed by the none orgasmicness that I have come to expect from their chips (I love my food)

Also that night I removed a mourngy waitress from one of my mates holiday snaps, she was blocking the view of a very nice resteraunt, I was actually quite pleased with the result! Just need to mess around with the lighting a bit and it will be sorted.

The Internet is for porn

This video is so damn funny, you need volume and I wouldnt recommend playing this ina crowded office!

The sun is shining

The weather is, fucking freezing!

Fortunately since an office move at work i live about 2 minutes away from my office, we also have a sandwich shop downstairs, which I am resisting, despite the sausage and hash brown lovelyness. Ok im going to stop now, drooling way too much!


This will be my first where I will not be commuting by train to work, this will give em the fantastic opportunity of taking a deckchair to york train station and laughing at all the freezing cold late for work people who are suffering how I used to, I think I deserved it.

Your Blog needs YOU!

Yes thats right, I am appealing to my visitors to post comments, no matter how crap. my google page ranking has just slipped from a 3 down to a 2, this is breaking my heart, therefore I am begging all visitors to leave a comment, no matter how irrelevant to a post.

In other news it is dress down day at work again today, all money raised to goto children in need. I wouldnt mind but im going futher and futher into debt at the moment, there will be a bit of relief on this though as im off to Alliance and Leicester who give me a 0% overdraft for 12 months =D

i fanally switched to A&L after HSBCs branh First Direct introduced £120 a year annual fee on their normal current accounts. This is the final straw for me as the possibility of HSBC doing something similar on top of poor intrest rates and shady customer service is something I no longer want to deal with.

Now post comments, gogogo.

Thoughts

It seems to be basic human nature to choose the worst possible path for yourself, we are naturally a race of sadists, a problem that even the most intellectual of us succumb to.

The brazen attrocities some people commit to hurt others and themselves startle even me sometimes, usually in the name of some false crusade, sometmies out of necessity or even out of a desire to protect ones self.

The amount of people the west has killed to protect itself is a staggering figure, Bush and the other leaders who are helping him keep his dollar afloat no matter what the cost have engaged in wars for no reason. True saving his country from a depression will save countless lives as well, but how do you judge the west more important than the east?

The survivalist instinct that has instigated so much strife against the middle east, from the Afghanistan invasion (that was planned in some released government documents well before the planes ever flew into the two towers) up untill the threats thrown against iran. All the lives lost in these conflicts because these countries defied the US, refused to be blackmailed, and sold their oil in euros. Hell this weakened the dollar, but in america there will always be food, even on a weak currency.

It makes me sick.

Bloody Sony Erricson K750i Paintjob

I have a K750i, a pretty nice phone, or at least it was.

In a couple of weeks I get the feeling the paint on my phone will have gone completely and my phone will be a uniform cheap plastic off white because sony didnt deem me worth of using plastic the right colour. Its a shame beause I like most sony products, especially their laptops, rawr.

Muse

I love muse, was never a fan till I heard them live, in a veritable thunderstorm. Hardore.

...

I got a cold alright...

btu why does the singer have to sound so much like a beegee wannabee sometimes.

The Desktop Shop is Back!

After a long absense my tech reviews site is back online, though it used to be pretty popular I had a lot of trouble novating the site onto my new server, so kinda gave up on it about 9 months ago. But as of last weekend I have pulled it all back together, and though I have lost all the old forum posts and stuff im sure I can get it back on track in no time!

visit the Desktop Shop at

http://www.thedesktopshop.co.uk

Best chat up line in the universe?

On friday I went to partake in a few beverages with some friends of mine who are solicitors.

One of my mates who shall remain nameless for this post is a happily married man, child on the way but was however sypathetic with my currently single status so agreed to be my wingman.

So as per usual we went over to two cute looking blonde lasses, introduced ourselves and started conversing, they told us who they where (I cant remember that) what they did (I also cant remember that) and then asked us the same question,

"Well I work for ***, I just deal with finances and stuff like that"

Then my mate, in all his glory said,

"Im a gynocologist, I look at vaginas all day"

"Vaginas?" one of the blondes said, looking ever so slightly scared.

then, this bit quite surprised me,

"What kinds of vaginas have you seen?" the other blonde said,

"Big ones, small ones, furry ones, shaved ones, green dripping ones" He said, at this point I very nearly punched him.

"So I take it you know what your doing down there?" she said

"Not really, if it ever swells up give me a call"

and the conversation moved away from teh topic.

worst thing is it worked,

even worse thing is I buggered it up, said ild be back in a second, bumped into a mate from college on the way and ended up talking to him for twenty minutes, by the time I had got back they had left, damnit!

The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine Strikes Again

"In a review of more than 250 studies of young people's sexual behaviour, researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine discovered striking similarities in what affects young sexual behaviour in different countries."

Recently I posted on the BBC using someone from department of hygene and tropical medicine commenting on the effects of proposed drinking laws in teh UK, and how massivly inccorect they were.

Now it seems that they are also qualified to give advice on condom use

I particularly like their commnt as follows

"Some sexually active under 25s associate condoms with a lack of trust, while others believe carrying them could imply sexual experience, which might be a plus for men but not necessarily for women."

OK, Women, how many of you out there prefer inexperienced men,I have never met a woman who preffered inexperience over experience, in either a sexual or social when the topic came up.

Why oh why dos a department whos concern is hand washing and tropical fevers feel teh need to make public statements about condom use and ways to avoid binge fdrinking when they always seem to be incorrect?

Pepperoni?

I went for a pizza last night, boy was it difficult

"Can I have a large pepperoni please?" I enquired

"Met Festtt" said the new guy who was behind the counter"

"Nooo, pepperoni", Because I really dont like the meat feasts there!

"Met Fessttttt is Eighttyy pound" im guessing he meant eight here

"No I want Pepperoni, Seven Pounds 50 Pence"

"No Met Fesstt is eighhtta pound"

"I do not want 'met fest' I want Pepperoni" I said, gettign slightly annoyed

"Your Mettt Fessttt 5 minutes, eighttta pound please"


It was in fact quite nice.

Bloody Turks.

Climate Change

We see climate change in our headlines quite a lot, always with dire warnings of impending doom, though I have yet to see any doom yet.

What I cant help but notice is that the climate warnings always seem to come out when there is no other news, I can imagine the BBC head office now.

John: Ok, whats the lead story going to be for today!

Fred: Well weve had no terrorist bombings, Forest fires, plane crashes, sex scandals or cute furry animals doing funny things.

John: Damn, lets just say were all going to die from global warming in the next ten years, no one can prove that either way.

Its nice to know that despite the warnings there has been no rise in global temperature yet that doesn't have natural causes (Ie there has been a slight rise, this is however caused by a wobble in the earths rotation, this is a well known and acknowledged fact in geological circles)

However it does make a good story due to any claims being unprovable on either side & causing huge numbers of the ignorant masses to start panicking and claiming doomsday etc.

Alcohol Tax Rise

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6089784.stm

Yet again increased taxes are being suggested on alcohol to curb binge drinking, of course this will never really help unless it is a ludicrous tax, but seems more like a way to make a bit more cash for the government.

I like the fact that the BBC (A company that is controlled by the government) pulled out a very good quote confirming that this would be a good idea.

"Professor Martin McKee, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, told the Today programme that there was a clear problem with alcohol in the UK and welcomed the moves.

"One of the most important strategies is to limit the ease with which you can purchase alcohol and that has been done in a number of Scandinavian countries where there have been restrictions on the number of outlets and the number of hours that they are opened. "

"Another way is to increase the cost of alcohol by increasing taxes, so we can anticipate that this will have a beneficial effect on health."

Let me be the first to point out that is a professor of hygiene and tropical medicine really qualified to give a view on an economical solution to binge drinking?

Not only that but she clearly has her facts ever so slightly screwed, since in many of the Scandinavian countries these drinking laws were removed sharpish, take the following quote from a body who were charged with monitoring the effects of the laws.

"The problem: the threat of alcohol abuse The closer they are to the Arctic Circle, it seems, the greater the tendency for national governments to intervene to limit people's freedom to buy alcoholic drinks. But bans and rigid controls tend to encourage abuse and binge drinking. Applying for licenses is also a time-consuming, expensive, and anti-competitive process - often, indeed, a corrupt one too. "

Further on in this report it confirms that the most successful treatments for binge drinking have been 24 hour licensing laws to bars, clubs pubs eateries and transportation, as a good meal and the ability to get home greatly removes any rush for the last train.

This technique has been incredibly successful in the Netherlands and Scotland, creating a much more European culture.

Of course England too has relaxed its laws, pubs and clubs can open their doors for 24 hours too... but ONLY if they get the appropriate license, and what if about 4amish somebody feels peckish? especially on a Sunday it will be impossible to find somewhere to eat.

The problem here is simple, the licenses granted for 24 hour opening have not yet been granted to more than a couple of dozen pubs or clubs. This means that your average drinker is still nearly completely constrained by the last orders bell, not really in keep with the European culture we are trying to adopt.

The reason?

The licenses can only be given out by the local authorities, many of whom do not wish to do this because they only look at the short term picture, which will be more binge drinking, accidents etc

Even then though, less rival groups will be thrown into confrontation at 11, meaning less violence on the streets, it is more than likely that there will be more alcohol related accidents as people adjust to the new regimes.

Long term I would expect a much more relaxed drinking atmosphere, a greater abundance in eateries, and in term a much greater revenue for British business and more taxes income for our government.

Unfortunately this will not happen until all UK businesses including pubs bars and clubs are given a nearly unrestricted ability to open 24 hours if they wish.


Also on the subject of increased taxation reducing alcohol consumption, as the good professor of tropical diseases likes to claim, It is a well proven fact that increased restrictions and taxation increase the amount of liquor imported AND increase the number of illegal home stills, that can produce alcohol that is not only incredibly high in percentage but can also be harmful and indeed cause death.

Also any major increase in alcohol tax, in any country in the world has always caused in direct correlation a hike in crime, this comes two fold as the labour classes have a tendency to turn both to crime and hard drugs when alcohol is removed.

The final point the government makes is that it will tax alcopops more heavily as those are popular with younger people.

To this I say "Well done Retards"

Lets tax the the low alcohol content drinks, that way the kids will move onto the other cheap options, coz if they all get hammered on Vodka that will solve the problem =D

All in all I would say that any increase on alcohol tax is an incredibly bad idea, and not just because it costs me more for a pint.

Michael J Fox

I read a story on the BBC today.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6083472.stm

Michael J Fox has been suffering from parkinsons for a long time now, it stopped his acting career back in 2000 and is one of the major degenerative diseases in the world at this time.

Despite his sufferings this man has raised millions to help research into this disease, as well as being a strong political supporter of stem cell research that could help cure both parkinsons and a wide range of other diseases.

Unfortunately stem cell research has many political opponents, imparticular George Bush, who claimed the research crossed a moral boundary.

I believe he and his party influenced this even further by holding a vote on whether it should be allowed, he held it in Missouri, according to a bit of minor research this is one of the more heavily catholic populated states in the US by percentage.

I cant help but feel that Bush's 'moral objection' (I put this like this because this moral objection is coming from a guy who has invaded 2 countries and attempting a third just to keep his economy stable, killing thousands upon thousands in the process) is unfounded, and is a mirror image of when autopsies where deemed morally objectionable, and indeed still are by many religious bodies, despite the benefits they have brought to mankind.

I think its obvious that the people who are objecting to stem cell research have never seen anyone they loved deteriorate due to illnesses such as parkinsons or ME, if George, gert offf ma propertai, Bush began to suffer from the disease ild practically guarantee he would change his mind.

Australian Psychopath

When I lived in Selby, a small market town near york & leeds etc I used to be mates with an aussie bloke, who did a lot of voluntary work, helped people who need help, and seemed to be a model citizen...

Till he had a drink.

I personally am a pacifist aore than anything, I try to avoid fighting if I can help it.

The Aussie, after 3 or 4 pints would start getting aggrivated by the slightest thing, after 8-9 pints he would start on anyone who so much as looked at him. The Aussie guy is now locked up, was bound to happen eventually, he isnt too fussed about the whole prison thing, prison is not as bad as it used to be, sports, tv, pool tables, free bed and food its no wonder it costs 25-50 thousand pounds per person we put in jail for a year.

The thing that kind of annoys me is that the police and jury were well aware of how he was a model public citizen without alcohol, so why not put him back on the streets but with a ban on drinking?

I think the people who get put into prison should have all liberties removed, the worst thing about prison is no longer prison itself but the other prisoners, people are more worried about getting arse raped than jail itself, which, while justifiable, is a bit fucked up.

Jail should become a lot stricter in my view, less of the pussy ass peoples rights groups lets punish the people who make everyone elses lifes more miserable.

If prisons were made with a stone bed and no tv, pool etc jail would soon become a much greater detterent. Restrict exercise time and keep the prisoners in their cells at all times (none of this communal bullcrap and I think we would be back on track in no time.

It kind of annoys me that prison, a place where all your liberties are meant to be removed has been so heavily swayed by the groups who think that prisoners should be given a comfortable life.

Prison riots have occured and the reasons given have been as simple as "they didnt have sky tv", instead of these people being kept in their cells and deprived of everything they where given leather sofas and a massive tv with sky.

Yeah that'll turn them into law abiding citizens....

Wallace and Gromit

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6078320.stm

Wallace and Gromit are two classic characters that have emerged in the UK, and dont get me wrong, I enjoyed their work along with the rest of the country.

However

They are getting nominated for another award?

How long ago was this film made?

The wallace and gromit film was good but not amazing in my view, I thought Chicken run was a much better film!

Is there anyone who thinks this DOES deserve all the praise it is getting?

Damn Cold

Im still feeling ill, and in some misguided attempt to appear enthused about my job I decided to return to work today. Big mistake, feel so crap!

And it gets worse, on thursday there was one of our numerous office moves, never a good time to be absent, hence why I am now on the end of a bank of desks with my computer screen visible to nearly the whole floor. On top of that my chair and bin went missing, along with my draws, all fortunately have been found =D

(Thanks to all the people involved in relocating my office equipment)

*Update* My fan has still not turned up, I would be annoyed about this, however it wasn't actually my fan in the first place so I may make an allowance on this =p

Cold

I have a cold, hope it doesnt turn into man flu >.<

Feel free to send me get well cards, gifts, cheques etc!

I will hopefully be a bit more creative in a few days, fortunately my job doesnt require more than 3 braincells to be working at once so I can still manage that =D

Apologies

I have had a lot on at work recently so my posting has been quite lax, this will hopefully end by next week so i should be back on track!

So until then..

Moo - If Robbie offered me a million pounds to let him hump my leg ild turn him down.
Jezebel - I want your babies.
Tracey - If you read this, email me a link to your new picsies - oli4uk@gmail.com
Angry - Do not stalk me on the above email address, however I too am waiting for that Hilton video.

Dear God...

Not much worries me, but This is going to stop me sleeping at night.

Paris and Nicole Hilton will be taking on the role of childrens councellors.

Im not a big fan of councellors at any rate, most of them are do-goodesr which any child instantly hates & distrusts, then they use absurd techniques to get them to 'reform'.

But dispite that, I would preffer any child of mine to be councelled by the pansies than by two dopey spoilt blondes with less common sense than than an eskimo building an igloo in the sahara.

Dont get me wrong, im sure the Hilton sisters are very nice people, and i would admittedly give them both one, seperately or at the same time, either is good. But putting them in charge of children?

I dont think so.

Racial Profiling

Racial profiling is something that most people do automatically, not in a racist way just down to experience and the chance that someone will be like or do something inparticular. Two good profiles to compare Are the Scots and the Africaans.

Both have near certainties, Africaans dark skinned, Scots pale skinned, their accents will be guesseble etc. But where it gets interesting is what they actually do, same might say its racist to imagine every africaan to do a rain dance naked around a fire, this is true to an extent but it is also racist to think of scots as wearing kilts all the time and playing bagpipes.

Both are true to an extent, many from both countries practice to their respective stereotypes.

Now imagine a different scenario.

You are walking down a street one night and the path splits into two, around a fountain, on one side of the fountain is a group of white youths, hooded up all their bling on. On the other side their is a group of black youths, again, hooded up with lots of jewellery.

Which side of the fountain do you take?

Remember it is just as likely they will ignore you, rob you, rape you or belong to a christian organisation.

Guess what, it really does happen!

This is an extract from our call logging system, I have removed the names just to protect identities etc, Enjoy!


Call Reference
00xxxxxxxx

Call Description : PC is dead. No lights, nothing. Will not power up.

Call Status : Closed

Helpdesk Operator : xxxxx001

Logged for User : xxxxxx

Log Date/Time : 2006-02-21 07:56:38

Priority : 5: User(s) - Non-Serious Fault ()

Solution : Plugged PC in. Works better that way.

Engineer details : xxxxx

Call allocated to : xxxxx

Allocated on/at : xxxxx

Engineer acknowledged call

Engineer resolved call

Resolved By
Call Journal
Entry By: on ref: 0

US - Denying us business?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/5401452.stm

Despite our apparent friendly relationship with the US they passed a bill yesterday which prevented any of our companies from providing online gambling services to them. This would not be so bad if it was a 'across the board' crack down on internet gambling. However they will still allow gambling sites within the US to operate.

My view is that this is a crass attempt to keep a multi billion pound market solely in the US by denying any competition from abroad, this breaks a huge amount of agreements within the un as it is basically emposing an economic sanction againts our country and others.

By drawing up an economic sanction that has hit our businesses and our market hard the US has practically aligned us with Cuba in business terms. The British markets tumbled today as UK based gamling companies lost anyting from 28% to 78% of their value overnight.

What annoys me even more is that 'lapdog blair' hasnt even kicked up a fuss about this, he has blatently ignored the problems caused by this bill and the fact that this is one of the few sectors we have that is bringing money into the Uk.

Where do the weekends go?

Man this weekend seems to have shot by, it doesnt seem like I've had any time at all.

When computers first came onto the scene it was predicted that people would only have to work 3 day weeks, tis was their goal, its WHY people slaved away in basements to create better systems.

Of course this never happened, the companies used the computers to get more work done for the same cost, but the people had to work harder, dealing with more information and having to work with multiple systems all of them different. The result?

Burnout.

Ive seen it happen to a few people, and I sometimes feel like im going the same way.

Sometimes people just get up, walk out the door, others go mental, sometimes smashing there computers or punching the walls a few times before leaving. Personally I dont want this to happen to me, I would preffer to leave on good terms, hence why I need to find a new job sharpish.

This would probably come as a surprise to some of the people I work with, I keep a very cool calm exterior most of the time, but some of the people I have been dealing with recently deserve a right good clog around the noggin.